tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17799484951130146232024-02-19T07:53:01.816-08:00A New Roadvicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.comBlogger268125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-10215336337213692442016-11-15T05:39:00.000-08:002016-11-15T05:39:03.359-08:00Nerves<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Next weekend we are going to back to try something that we haven't been able to do in over 18 months. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Contact. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">After repeated requests from oldest we agreed to talk to social services and find out about the status of his older brother and whether they could see each other again. We had to stop contact because of a court review and contact between the older brother (still in foster care, lets call him BB) and their birth mum. Our concern was that this contact was unsupervised and that the children were old enough to know their surnames, school name and address - all details that we didn't want to be shared. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Fast forward to today and the contact team and BB's social worker have been great. They have provided me with as much detail as they can - there is still contact and it is still unsupervised but there is no risk that he will return to her care and will remain with his foster carer - the same lady we met previously and got on really well with. They gave us some advise as to how we could move forward and offer to support us so we felt that we could make a date to see BB again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Oldest has been told that we have booked this and he can see it is written on the calendar on the kitchen wall. He has started to get excited about it and, from correspondence with the foster carer, BB is also excited. It serves as an excellent reminder that my children have another family out there and that they are naturally curious about that family and have an interest in the people that formed a part of their early years. We have a plan for a short meeting, over food, where the children will not leave our supervising so that we can steer conversations away from topics and information that can't be shared. There is no point saying to a 7 year old 'don't tell him . . . . ' because that would be the first thing out of his mouth. After that we will see how it goes as to when we see him again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">In all this I have not mentioned youngest. I don't even know if she will go and meet him as she has no relationship with him and no interest in seeing him. I think that, if she goes, it will only be for the food. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">All this doesn't take away my nerves. My anxiety. My concerns. <br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">All I can do is enter into it with an open mind. an appreciation of how oldest is feeling as well as his needs in terms of identifying himself and the people that are important to him. I will always support him in this, regardless of how I feel about it and hopefully it will help as they years go by. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">In other news both smalls are making great progress with their rugby - oldest has started playing proper matches, he is working really hard with the rest of him team and the improvement is amazing, Youngest is also improving and recently enjoyed minor success of being the best tackler when it came to tackling the practise bags, so much so that she had to demonstrate to the boys. </span></div>
</span></span>vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-52328321434070619682016-11-07T03:53:00.001-08:002016-11-07T03:53:12.077-08:00A Formal Occasion - time to count some blessings<span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><div dir="LTR">
<span style="font-size: small;">I do love a good wedding. This weekend were privileged enough to be invited (as a family of 4) to the wedding of my 2nd cousin. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">As much as I was excited to attend I was also very nervous, this was the first time that the kids had done a traditional wedding from start to finish. They have been to 2 evening receptions and wedding weekend but never a traditional church wedding followed by wedding breakfast and evening reception. I was worried about them getting bored, getting hungry, being tired, wanting to run about and generally making a nuisance of themselves. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The run up as pain free - oldest loved his new trousers, waistcoat, shirt, tie combo with a smart coat over the top. Youngest was as much fun as a doll with a new dress, sparkly shoes, tights and cardigan. Both were brilliant with wearing their respective Christening gifts - necklace, bracelet, watch. They even let me do their hair, loose curls for youngest and spiky hair gel for oldest. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">They were even good on the car drive down - 2 hours into London to the hotel where the reception was and where we had a room booked. On arrival I was prepared enough with snack and drinks (nothing that we could get messy with) which served 2 purposes - entertainment and prevention of hungry in the short term. Meeting family was also a time waster until the bus arrived </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I have to confess the Bride and Groom had thought of everything - a red London bus to the church in the centre of the city which meant the kids had a great time and required little entertainment. The church bit was not so easy. We decided to go with the easy escape option of sets in the back row (I think my cousin's mum would have preferred us nearer the front as family but we apologies and went with our option) and once again my kids surprised me. We had another snack waiting for the service to start and I took the easy option of electronic games devices for the boring bits. They were quiet, the stood up at the right bits, showed interest in the best bits - entrance of the bride etc and were generally brilliant. At the end, register signing and a few photos I had ready a mini packet of love hearts and a lot of relief. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Back to the bus and once at the hotel we were distracted booking in and looking at our room followed by drinks, canapes and some colouring sheets that I had packed. Oldest did a portrait of the happy couple which I hope they liked (they had orange faces as there was no pink crayon). Minor involvement in photos was another distraction as was getting them to find us on the seating chart (A Big Bang style periodic table) and they were allowed to borrow various cameras from various people to take photos with. Going in for the wedding breakfast led to another surprise - activity packs that were amazing and included activity books, disposable cameras and other bits that entertained between courses and during speeches. One again I was very grateful as they were brilliant. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Next task was a return to the room, toy swap and refresh before back to the evening bit. Oldest sat to the table with this tablet and played quietly. Youngest switched from dancing, playing on her tablet and eating from the buffet at all times being as good as gold. 10pm came quickly and they were rewarded with sparklers, it was bonfire night! After that we decided not to push our luck any further and they went to bed with very little fuss, not accepting that they were tired but it was tantrum free. Sleep claimed them quickly. I listened to the band until they finished and then slept. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Sunday dawned early, for all that they were hours late in bed the lie in lasted 30 minutes! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Cartoons were a godsend for a while but hunger was the moving so we got up, sorted and headed for breakfast and that was when things started to go a little bit wrong. They wanted to be up and down to the buffet, not an option with the hot food and people carrying coffee about. They ate with much messing about and they tiredness was starting to show so we were as quick as possible and, saying our farewells we escaped and headed for home. </span></div>
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</span><span style="font-size: small;">I am lucky (and very grateful) that they were great for the important bit, annoyed with myself for underestimating how challenging breakfast might be. Sunday afternoon was hell but an early night and school should help. Now I can look forward to the next one. </span> </span></span><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-11399428321718608542016-10-24T05:04:00.000-07:002016-10-24T05:04:03.952-07:00A good start to the term. <span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><div dir="LTR">
<span style="font-size: small;">Last week we celebrated the time old tradition of parents evening. Once again we ventured through the breach and onto school property for 2 meeting, each lasting 10 minutes each - one for each child. The school hall was full of parents and there were tables with the teachers waiting for us like predators waits for its prey. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">We sat in the first waiting area, looking over the school books that were on display. Oldest looks to have been working hard, there was lots of green and plenty of smiley faces, always a good sign. The teacher was free, we were summon to the table and, luckily, she smiled! The evening was on the up! He has been working hard, improving in all areas and he is meeting the expectations that are set by whoever sets the whole school curriculum decides. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">He is a pleasant child in class, they are no obvious behavioural issues (yet) and there are no concerns. The relief was overwhelming. Of his teacher I would say a lot of good things including her willingness to take time to listen to us, to try and understand some of our concerns and also to help him with little things like a pass to the chill out club at lunch times whenever he wants to go. Usually children are given a ticket when play time gets too much, he doesn't need to wait for the ticket but can decide and take himself when he feels he needs to. A real passive step forward. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">As we were concluding our conversation we were aware that teacher number 2 was watching intently - we were late for her table! Never a good start as we hadn't reviewed youngest books, they were still sat on the table waiting for us! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">We thanked teacher 1, quickly switched books and moved over to the next table. This was wasn't quite as smiley. This one was the one we were slightly less nervous about. Youngest has always tended to be the more compliant, the less challenging and overall a bright cookie. She still is a bright cookie, working ahead in her phonics and reading but meeting expectations elsewhere in her school work. It felt like we were being lulled into a false sense of security. We were, She has been in trouble for interfering with other children. Not a massive surprise based on her behaviour at home but we had hoped it was limited to her brother. Seems like not. Her teacher is acting according to school rules, youngest will learn and that is all we can do for the time being (other than speak to her about it, which we did). </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Walking out of school it was like a weight had been lifted and we are hopeful for next time, traditionally the second hardest of the year (after the first half term of the new year). We don't have to worry about parents evening again until the summer.</span> </span><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-38776620569976213412016-10-24T05:02:00.003-07:002016-10-24T05:02:48.116-07:00Book Review - A Forever Family by John Houghton <br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">It was a freebie book that I picked up at Adoption UK's volunteers day and not usually one that I would choose but I figured I would give it a try as it might be valuable without being as full on as a text book (my usual adoption themed reading material). </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">It is the account of an adoptive father - he and his wife adopt a sibling group of 3. This book tells their story of managing the confusion that social services can be, the nightmare of living with an abused child who then turns to being the abuser resulting in the placement breaking down and the oldest child being returned to the care system. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Whilst this is not something I would usually choose I struggled to put it down and read in just 3 days. Part of me was wishing for a happy ever after but at the same time I knew it would not the case. It is well written, objective where possible but incredibly emotive with the author sharing openly his hopes and dreams as well as his fear and devastation. Whilst is presents a very realistic view of one family's experiences from one perspective it recognises that it is just that - one experience and not a reflection on all adoptive families. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I</span><span style="font-size: small;">s it worth reading? Yes. By potential adoptive parents? Yes. If nothing else it shows worst case scenarios that they might need to be prepared for and it might inform on some choices like accepting a sibling group or accepting a child with a history of abuse. Being armed with this ha to be in the best interests of all involved and might be helpful in preventing adoption breakdowns.</span> </span></span>vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-62108056892708473952016-10-12T04:48:00.001-07:002016-10-12T04:48:35.604-07:00Sticks and Stone <span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><div dir="LTR">
<span style="font-size: small;">'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me' </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I think I have proof that this statement is not true, words can be really hurtful. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">But, stones can be a nightmare as well. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Yesterday I arrived home after a rough day in the office. I figured I had some time to spend with oldest before collecting smallest from Rainbows but I walked into the house to see Nanny with a face like thunder. When he refused to tell me what he had done, she had to. The crime? Throwing a stone at a passing car. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">My heart sank. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The driver had stopped, reversed and got out to check the damage and luckily there wasn't any and luckily he was reasonable and accepted when oldest was made to apologise to him. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">If could have been a lot worse. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">If I am honest I am really glad that it was Nanny who dealt with this one. I can't decide how I would have reacted and I am pretty sure daddy would have been livid and it would have ended in a lot of shouting. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The next question we pondered after a very subdued little boy was safely tucked up in bed was what should the consequence be? I am not a fan of the word punishment but for actions that are this severe there does need to be a consequence. No sports club or Beavers? Doesn't work for me as this clubs are there for really positive reasons. No friend for tea? But that punishes his friend and that isn't fair. Is there any argument for the shouting he got from nanny and being made to say sorry to the drive was enough? I really don't know. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">I wish that the whole parenting thing came with an instructions book.</span> </span><br /></span><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-75584398115159011242016-10-10T05:09:00.001-07:002016-10-10T05:09:17.280-07:00Selt-Awareness <span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><div dir="LTR">
<span style="font-size: small;">It has been some time since our children had direct contact with their older sibling. Our choice as we wanted to preserve the security of their placement and based on the conditions under which the older sibling was functioning at the time. Looking back I posted in May 2015 about the situation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">However, as our oldest has got a bit older and a lot more aware of himself and his surroundings he has decided that he wants to see his sibling and is repeatedly asking questions like 'how is he', 'where is he', 'when can I see him', 'does he care about me'. To all of these I have had to answer that I just don't know. Because I have no idea. Since we ceased the direct contact and asked social services to keep us up to date in case we could go back to it we have heard absolutely nothing, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">It feels like a common failing that different teams that deal with post adoption support and children in a care setting (foster or otherwise) just do not communicate with each other, Add the contact team with whom no one talks and you have a triangle where the points are just not joined up. And it is just not helpful. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">But, bearing in mind that I promised eldest that I would try I did call the contact team, explained our situation, position and history and I asked for her to help me more forward. She promised me that she would and I am hopeful. She has never let me down before. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">And she hasn't. I am now waiting for a different social worker to call me to discuss.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">My worry is that adding to other conversations about birth family contact might not be the best plan. But I can't prove it without trying it and trying it might be catastrophic. </span></span></span><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-37917769553282101022016-10-10T04:41:00.001-07:002016-10-10T04:41:32.871-07:00A conversation, part 2<span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><div dir="LTR">
<span style="font-size: small;">It has taken me some time to get my head around my conversation with my oldest earlier last week, mainly because it took me completely by surprise. I wasn't expecting him to start questioning me about his birth family and his past until he was much older, maybe when he moved to secondary school. I have always promised myself that I would honest with the children, it is their history and they have a right to understand what happened to them and why but it is really difficult to make that story age appropriate. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The weird thing is that he keeps coming back to the conversation every few days, adding a bit here and there and asking for a little more information as well. He realises there are letters and wants to know what their content is, he doesn't want to see the letters. He keeps telling me that he remembers her which I find hard to believe as he hasn't seen her in nearly 4 years and since then he has seen her photo once. He doesn't want to see it, he has a memory book detailing his life for us, we have never hidden it from him but he doesn't want to look at it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">He has also realised that the statement 'I want to live with (insert name)" is a button pusher. It hurts my feelings and no matter how I try to hide it he has realised and can now use this against me whenever he is angry or in the mood to hurt me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">My other concern is that these conversations have caused real distress for youngest. She really isn't interested and gets really upset whenever oldest starts making it even harder. At the moment lots of cuddles and affection are the order of the day so hopefully that will reassure her that she has nothing to worry about. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Being an adoptive parent is really hard, harder than I ever imagined. Would I change it, not for the world but sometimes I wish life could be a bit simpler and I feel guilty wishing for that.</span> </span><br /></span><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-11953879479226779802016-10-05T00:21:00.003-07:002016-10-05T00:21:27.434-07:00A conversation<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Mummy, I have been to the dinosaur park before. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><i>You have but not with mummy and daddy. T+D took you a long time ago.</i> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I came from T+D's tummy </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">No, no you didn't. They were your foster careers and you lived with them for a little while before you came to live with us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">So whose tummy did I come from? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Her name was {insert name} </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Your friend from work? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">No, not my friend from work,. the are lots of people who share the same name. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Is she dead? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">No darling, she isn't dead. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">How do you know? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Because I get letters from her, she cares about you and wants to know that you are doing ok. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Why didn't she want me? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">She did want you but she was poorly so couldn't look after you. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">But she gave me away </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">She didn't give you away, you were taken away from her so that you would be looked after properly. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Listen, grown ups sometime have children that they can't look after properly and so social services have to find thoise children homes where they are looked after. </span></div>
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</span><i><span style="font-size: small;">OK</span></i></span></span>vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-91049387897827742652016-09-29T02:30:00.005-07:002016-09-29T02:30:55.385-07:00Earning it<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Once we had moved into our new house I decided that I wanted the children to take an active role in the daily tasks that need to be done in order to keep everything ticking over and our home a nice place to be. With that in mind I started a new jobs board. A frame with string across it, little pegs and small decorated envelopes each with a task or job written on it and a coin in it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Each job is either daily, weekly or ad hoc and each comes with an amount towards their pocket money. The idea is they help, they earn. They don't help then they don't earn and have no money at the end of the week to buy themselves something. I have tried to keep things age appropriate - feed the cats, put away clean washing, keep bedroom tidy, sweep kitchen floor etc and have made it as visual as I can. I worked it out that they could each earn up to £7.50 a week - a reasonable sum when you are 5 or 7 years old. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The first 2 weeks went so well that they had enough to buy themselves a toy, an excellent success but one that needs to last as long as we can make it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I am really careful about the jobs on there - there is no way I would expect them to clean out the cat's litter tray or empty the bins. I am also not expecting them to do ironing, anything to do with the washing machine or tumble dryer nor would I ask them to clean (with products or chemicals) or hoover. But, once they are older then some of these jobs may fall inside their abilities and be included. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I guess it will evolve as they get older and I would never expect them to do everything but I do want them to learn that if we all help each other then we can keep a lovely home and have time to do things together. At the moment it is a positive way to reward kind helpful, behaviour and we have also added a couple of homework and reading based tasks to support their school work and to provide incentive for something that they find tedious and boring. </span></div>
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</span><br /><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I know that some people question why I am 'paying' my children to help around the house and I appreciate that it might look like that but they were so used to their foster carers doing everything for them that it is a hard cycle to break. It also reinforces the lesson that in order to buy them nice things mummy and daddy have to go to work to earn the money that we need to have the nice things like new toys. It is what we have to tell them when they get upset that we are at work and not home with them all the time. It is also a valuable life lesson for the future - nothing is given for free, it all has to be earned.</span> </span></span>vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-56218468091591898742016-09-27T05:50:00.001-07:002016-09-27T05:50:12.271-07:00I have survived . . . . <br />
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Life seems to have taken over and this blog seems to have fallen by the wayside and for some reason I feel guilty about ignoring it. So, in the interest of time and attention span I will be brief. </div>
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Events that have occurred since I last blogged </div>
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* school holidays, usual degeneration of behaviour that improved on the return to school </div>
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* the return to school, new year group, new class, new adventure </div>
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* house move (from 3 bed semi to 4 bed detached with double the floor space but a slightly smaller garden) </div>
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* 2 camping trips with the children and 1 without them, they had a weekend with Nanny and Grandad </div>
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* A 7th birthday including party and BBQ </div>
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* Our 9th wedding anniversary </div>
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* 3 activities for my voluntary work with Adoption UK </div>
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Sometimes it is enough to sit back and realise that you have survived. That is how I am feeling at the moment. </div>
I have survived. And I am ok about it. </span></span>vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-15402915883564387162016-06-03T03:55:00.002-07:002016-06-03T03:55:12.669-07:00Therapy<span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><div dir="LTR">
<span style="font-size: small;">For some weeks oldest has been in play therapy and it seemed to be working wonders, his behaviour was improving, he was more responsive and less aggressive and we were hopeful. Then there were bank holidays and we missed weeks and things took a turn and everything went awful for a little while. He was fighting at school, biting other children and even spitting. Going to collect him at the end of the day was turning into a nervous wait as we hoped the teachers wouldn't need to report a new incident to us each day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The he had his next play therapy appointment. His therapist was amazed as he was finally able to show her just has tightly wound up he always seems to be, it is like his is constantly deciding between fight or flight and it means he is really volatile in they way he behaves. She finally understood why we have struggled with him and why we insisted that we needed support with him. I could have sung Hallelujahs when she said this to me after his last session.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I was lucky that I did manage to get him to open up to me one afternoon. After a truly terrible day at school he came home in a foul mood so I explained to him that mummy was sad and that his cuddles would help, He sat on my lap and snuggled for about 10 minutes. I told him that I knew something was making him grumpy, that he wasn't going to get into any more trouble (he had enough of that at school) but that I wanted to help him to be happier. We talked about hurting other children, how it made them feel (he knows it makes them sad) and how it makes him feel - he was able to tell me that it felt good, he felt big and strong (I interpreted that to mean in control). I asked why he hurt them and the answers kept coming back to him trying to get them to do as he said, he wanted to be in control of the game/activity. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">It felt like a breakthrough. </span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">We cuddled some more and I talked to him gently about nice plans for the next few days and then we moved on to the next thing (he reading book, tea and then Beavers) and he seemed a lot brighter but it remains with me that I don't know how to help him with his disparate need to be in control of absolutely everything that he can be in control of. I know his early life was chaotic and that he was completely out of control and that this is impacting him now. We do give him as much control as we can - he controls what clothes he wears (within reason such it being a school day), he controls whether he eats or not and we try to let him choice meals as much as possible. He chooses what teddy he sleeps with, his PJs, bedding, towel, flannel. It is hard to give him control when his routine is is security blanket and whilst we have some flexibility we still need to stick to it as much as possible. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">At the moment it feels like all we can do is carry on doing on what we are doing and hoping that the therapy helps the more sessions he attends. I just want him to be happy.</span> </span><br /></span><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-54145396580005746952016-04-28T06:31:00.000-07:002016-04-28T06:31:00.046-07:00Party Time <br />
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<span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: small;">It has taken me a little while to write this because at the time I felt genuinely hurt and rejected. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: small;">We celebrate another birthday last month, round 4 since the smalls came home (over 3 years ago!) and it wasn't as great as I had hoped. Everyone who up nice and early so smallest could open presents before school with a plan that once I got home from work we would have cake as a family and then she could open presents from other family members. It wasn't that great because she decided she couldn't wait and by the time I got home everything had been opened and it left me feeling pretty rejected plus awful for asking her to wait because I have to work. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">In the end, after a few tears (mainly mine) we did have cake (just a little plan chocolate cake before the Frozen cake she will share with everyone at her party) and candles and we played her new 'telling the time' game before bed time. My evening was then spent putting a couple of Lego kits together (I am loving the Disney Princess range and want some for me to play with). </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">The party day was one of those where a week is needed afterwards for recovery. Everything was sorted - hall booked, bouncy castle arranged, cake being made by Grandma, invites were sent some weeks ago and this last week we made sure we have covered everything from food to music to decorations. I was feeling organised. I spent Friday evening (along with a local support group meeting for adopters) making sandwiches. </span><br />
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In the aftermath I also remembered that the next round of contact letters are now due and so my next task was to write them which I have done and they have been posted off. </span></span></span><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-41733873803676657132016-04-28T06:28:00.001-07:002016-04-28T06:28:31.767-07:00A Miracle Worker? <span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><div dir="LTR">
<span style="font-size: small;">A little over 3 months ago oldest started a 20 week course of play therapy, an option identified by our social worker when we asked for support with his behaviour and emotional immaturity. With a diagnosis of attachment disorder as well we embraced the course with a hope that it would, slowly, turn the tide and allow us to improve the home environment for all 4 of us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">12 weeks in and I am sure his therapist is a miracle worker. </span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">He has an hour a week with her, just him, where he can play with what ever he can find and there are very few rules but he controls everything about the session (within the rules and allowance of time). Whoever takes him sits in the waiting room until his session is over. We were expecting progress to be slow, halted at times and we even expected regression at points and whilst we have seen regression the progress has been so much quicker than we expected. At home we have noticed a real difference in his ability to stop and think for a second before he explodes in a raging temper - sometimes this is all we need to reason with him to negate the severity or even stop it before it starts. We still have bad days: tiredness seems to be the factor that magnifies everything closely followed by hunger but these are getting fewer and less regular. I am really proud of him. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">He has also been able to articulate that his sister is often the recipient of much of his anger. He doesn't know why and I doubt he will every full understand why but this is still a huge step forward for him, </span></div>
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</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">It felt like such a breakthrough when he answered the question 'what do you want to achieve in Y1' (asked by a teacher at school) with 'I don't want to angry when I am cross'.</span> </span><br /></span><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-42688206687931520222016-02-16T04:45:00.000-08:002016-02-16T04:45:00.930-08:001 step forward, 2 steps back<span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><div dir="LTR">
<span style="font-size: small;">It has been a few weeks since oldest started play therapy and, if I am honest with myself. I thought that it was really helping. </span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Last week was the last week of term and a challenging one as routines changed around grandparents who usually do school runs being on holiday. It meant that we used after school club (not an issues as they both enjoy it) more and I took time off to collect them. They coped amazingly well, so well in fact that on Friday I took them out for dinner and made a big fuss over how well they had behaved and how much I appreciated the fact that they had been so good and so helpful. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Friday evening concluded with a great evening for oldest at Beavers and bed. I, for the first time in many months, went out with some friends to an 80s night for a few drinks and a dance. I had a fabulous time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Saturday morning dawned and everything changed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">He got out of bed like a bear with a sore head hell-bent on destroying everything and anything he could. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">We had planned a weekend away at my parents which included a trip to a local theatre to see a production of a favourite story 'We're going on a bear hunt'. Youngest loved it to the point of tears when it ended because she didn't want it to end. Oldest sat stoic through it all barely cracking a smile, refusing to acknowledge when he was spoken to. I have no idea whether he even watched what was happening on the stage. Sadly he continued and I felt awful when it came to us going out for the evening leaving my parents to babysit. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Sunday morning he woke us with a temper that sleep had done nothing to improve - he has demanded to sleep on the camp bed in the room with us rather than in the small bedroom on his own (a reverse of how we usually have them when we stop over). </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The drive home has to be on of the worst we have ever had. Oldest went from screaming because he didn't want to leave to sulking. He then got giddy, egged on by youngest who really has worked out how to push him buttons. After three quarters of the way home he demanded to stop somewhere for tea. We refused. We explained that his behaviour hadn't earned stopping where the golden M hangs (what he really wanted!) and that he could have something to eat when we got home. The giddy turned to anger and the shouting started - 'you will stop and buy me food', 'I am not going to do as I am told until you give me what I want' and variations of the above. All shouted through gritted teeth with as much anger and aggression as he could manage. Youngest thought this was a great game and joined her voice to his, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">10 minutes of this and something in me snapped. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">'Please stop the car'</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">My husband did so at the next layby. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I got out, opened the back door and calmly asked the children to exit the car. The refused, in hindsight they knew they had crossed a line. I explained to them that it they were going to continue to shout and scream at us they were not being in the car with us. I was no longer prepared to be spoken to with such rudeness and such a lack of respect. I undid oldest's seat belt and lifted him from the car and placed him on the grass verge. My husband undid youngest's seat belt and moved to her to where I could reach to remove her from the car. I explained to them both that there behaviour was unacceptable, that we were not there for them to shout at, scream at and demand things from. I stated that, with no compromise or bargaining they were not getting back into the car until the behaviour stopped (as well as the tears that had now started).</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Eventually they got back in the car and we had a quiet 20 minute drive home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Bed time was another matter. Youngest was quiet, compliant and apologetic. Oldest was defiant, rude and out to try and reassert some control over us. </span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">I accept his need for control but he is a 6 year old boy and I will not allow him to grow up thinking he can have whatever he wants whenever he wants it regardless of any external factors nor that it is acceptable to shout and scream at people in order to get his own way.</span> </div>
</span><br /></span><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-42243760128974121412016-01-18T03:07:00.001-08:002016-01-18T03:07:09.366-08:00After the dust has settled. <span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: x-small;"></span></span><div dir="LTR">
<span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: small;">Now that the dust has settled I can reflect on a much better holiday period than we have managed before. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">I think we can attribute our successes to the following:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">1) lighten up on food</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">We let them eat their advent chocolate straight after finishing breakfast and were less strict on Christmas Day etc about what they ate and when. It is only for one day so they had what they wanted on their plates and the only rule was that if they took it from the serving dish then they had to eat it unless they didn't like it. Some meals didn't even happen - they were asked if they wanted something to eat and if the answer was 'just a biscuit; then that it what they got especially when larger meals had already been eaten. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">2) Alternate activity days.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">One day out, one day of calmer things so they were taken bowling, to a theme park, to a soft play centre but never 2 days in a row. We broke activities up with at home days of craft activities and things in the garden. Doing thank you letters, going on bug hunts and colouring in are great quiet activities that seem to work for us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">3) Keep the bed time routine as much as possible.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">We have worked out that routines are the backbone of coping and it is when the normal routines are gone that havoc ensues. It also worked during the day. Instead of asking them to go catch up on sleep we let them take their brains out in front of a film on the sofa or had some long story times. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">4) Let them find their own space.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I think sometimes I expect too much of them, especially when there are people everywhere and things are a little bit different so this holiday I let them have extra time on their tablets, I let them them run around the garden when it was reasonably practical for me to let them do so, I let them be alone when they wanted to be and gave them one to one time when they asked for it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">It does feel like that they have a better idea of what to expect so there was a lot less anxiety surrounding what was going on around them.</span> </span><br /></span>Hopefully next year will be even better!<br />
<br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-34639228983076943182016-01-18T03:05:00.005-08:002016-01-18T03:05:48.525-08:00Epic<span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><div dir="LTR">
<span style="font-size: small;">That is the only word that I can use for the tantrum that we faced last night, It has to be the worst we have seen in the 3 years that the smalls have been with us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The frustrating thing is that it could have come from a number of things or nothing at all. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">It seemed to start when we declared time on Wii games because he was getting really frustrated but there was a minor paddy when he did his spellings and he got 7 out of 8 (still a great score as they were hard spellings). It continued because he couldn't decide what story he wanted and escalated because he didn't get the CD story he wanted either. The screaming (full on proper screaming) started. No tears but stamping, shouting, growling, running up and down the stairs, door slamming and throwing himself about went with it. We decided to approach this calmly and returned him to his bedroom each time saying we will talk to you when you calm down. This ended up with him pinching, slapping, pushing and trying to bite us. We were told to 'go away'. 'leave me alone'. At one point he even tried to push us down the stairs. It took him a full hour to dissolve into floods of tears and then calm down enough to listen to us, to accept a cuddle and them to settle down in his bed for sleep. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">In the cold light of day I can add things to the list of things that might have unsettled him enough for last nights tantrum - his sister is having her friend for tea tomorrow, he started Beavers last week and he started play therapy on Monday. It could be too much all at once, But it could have been something at school or nothing at all except being tired. At the end of the day we have to set down boundaries that include tantrums are not the way to get what you want. We are trying to let the little things go, to give him choices and allowing him to make decisions but I am starting to question whether we are doing the right thing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">In other news we are returning to our house move plan - we are getting back on the market and hoping for a buyer so we can find a bigger property with 2 essential additions - another bedroom so that the smalls can both have a big room and there is no jealous because one has a bigger room than the other and a second bathroom so I can have a shower in peace. Fingers crossed.</span> </div>
</span><br /></span><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-48588607929074241102015-12-24T00:34:00.001-08:002015-12-24T00:34:44.339-08:00Unconditional LoveSome time ago, at work, a colleague and I were talking about our children. It is no secret at work that they are adopted - they watched me leave work not pregnant and come back 12 months later with 2 pre school aged children. Then she made a comment that stopped me in my tracks:<br />
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"it must be so hard to love them as much as birth children"<br />
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I couldn't believe what I was hearing.<br />
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She really thought that all those parents who adopt children, take on step children, generally look after, care for, and love children that are not biologically linked to them didn't love them as much as a birth parent loves the child they have created. <br />
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It made me desperately sad. <br />
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But then I thought about it some more. I know lots of parents who have taken on the children of their parents, who have adopted and they all love their children. In most instances there is no difference between then and the families with birth children that we know and spend time with.<br />
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I have nothing to compare it to. I don't have birth children so I may never really understand whether I would love a birth child more than I love the children that I have. What I do know is that I love my children. Unconditionally. I would move heaven and earth for them, take them to the stars and bring them back again and as far as I am concerned that is all I need. vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-10811804651200979502015-12-23T23:52:00.003-08:002015-12-23T23:52:38.712-08:00Being Recognised This is our third Christmas as a family and next month sees the anniversary of when the smalls came home to us. Even after 3 years we are still learning and we still make mistakes. Even after 3 years there are days which feel like they last for years and we are grateful when it comes to bed time. But, after 3 years, we wouldn't change anything. <br /><br />Christmas is out worst time of year. The change in routine, the added excitement and constant bombardment of everything Christmas related adds to the anxiety levels and makes breakdowns much more common. A few days ago was no exception - a breakdown because we asked him to get out of the bath and he wanted more time. 40 minutes later calm was restored. <br /><br />At the weekend we also a breakdown to manage, he was over tired, over excited and emotionally pickled. We chose to continue with the standard routine and wen to rugby but then training was interrupted by a visit from Santa, another disruption. It ended in him sat in the middle of the pitch crying, screaming and generally refusing to do anything so we went away, back to the car, away from all other distractions to calm down. It must have looked terrible to the other parents watching, I didn't even reason with him, I just gently took him arm and took him away. It turns out he wanted to be in the photo with the other children, one destined to be in the newspaper and I had refused and asked him to come away. All I wanted was to keep him safe but he saw this as me not letting him be the same as his friends. <br /><br />This does lead to another dilemma -at what point do I relax about pictures of them being out there? In the paper, on the school website, even on my own facebook page? <br />Looking back at old photos they have both changed so much in the last 3 years that neither are recognisable at a glance. But I want to keep them safe, I want to keep the risk of being found by birth family as small as possible. I might be being paranoid, they might not even be looking for them but, and there is always a but, what if? <br />
<br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-85759194243703244992015-11-24T05:06:00.000-08:002015-11-24T05:06:04.668-08:00A Special Treat<span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><div dir="LTR">
<span style="font-size: small;">Some years ago I sat and watched an advert on the TV. At that time the prospect of having children was at the forefront of my mind but it was birth children that were still my dream. I saw that advert and I promised myself that I would take my children. Roll forward some years and the past is different to the future that I had in mind that day but the aspiration remained. Last weekend I took them to see Disney on Ice. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">It was amazing. 2 hours, with an interval of singing, skating and laughter. We saw Cars driving about on the ice, the cast of Frozen skating in the snow and the Little Mermaid surrounded by bubbles plus, my personal favourite, Mickey and Minnie Mouse comparing the whole thing. I could have cried with joy watching the amazement on their faces as the whole things presented itself before them and my feeling mean for saying no to the concession stands melted away. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I have to point out that I am usually one for reasonable treats when it comes to special occasions but the pricing of all the merchandise and Disney labelled confectionary meant that we had sweets that I took with me and portions of chips from the normal concession stand. My only exception was a programme which came with a pair of Mickey Mouse ears which I wore for the afternoon to prevent arguments. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">But it was an amazing experience and one that I was happy to be able to share with my children. Plus I get to keep my Mickey Mouse ears and wear them around the house as much as I like</span></span><br /></span><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-368724071194914242015-11-24T04:09:00.004-08:002015-11-24T04:09:26.217-08:00It's the most wonderful time of the year . . . .C<span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1448366483374_2281" style="font-family: sans-serif;">hristmas is all about children.</span> <br /><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1448366483374_2286" style="font-family: sans-serif;">We are only buying gifts for the children. </span> <br /><br /><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1448366483374_2287" style="font-family: sans-serif;">It was said so many times before there were children in my world and it sounded like common sense. When it came to the time that we wanted children but there were none they were some of the cruellest words I heard. As we gear up towards the season for being jolly I am reminded that, for many who are still waiting for children to enjoy Christmas with, this is still a very painful time of year where the void is even more pronounced. I try to be sensitive to people around me, I know that I don't always succeed but I do try. I offer to them an apology if I do cause pain but also a prayer of hope that the void can filled for future Christmases. </span> <br /><br /><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1448366483374_2288" style="font-family: sans-serif;">In our house we do have to be careful at this time of year for another reason. Our children are very aware of the time of year and very aware that, in their short lives, 2 of their biggest moves occurred after Christmas. Despite reassurance we see in their behaviour that there is a deep rooted concern that it will happen again. I has tarnished the previous 2 years as we try to keep things low key and without to much change to routine (always cue for unsettled behaviours) but school don't help as classes are changed to make room for performances and their rehearsals, there are parties, trips to see Father Christmas and the Christmas lights plus visits and visitors and the house is different with the tree and the decorations. Put into context it is enough to unsettle even the most settled of souls never mind children like mine. </span> <br /><br /><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1448366483374_2289" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">It is hard to get my head around the fact that there is still a degree of uncertainty about the permanence of their place with us. For me, they were permanent the moment I met them but I am the adult and therefore in a position of 'knowing'. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">But I am not 4 or even 6 years old with multiple moves already under my belt.</span> </span><br />
vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-58833654111704346372015-11-16T04:52:00.001-08:002015-11-16T04:52:21.630-08:00Crisis Management<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Last week we had a crisis. A water leaking emersion tank crisis which meant the carpet in oldest's bedroom was wet, as was the base of his bed and to dry it all out he couldn't sleep in there. A sigh of relief when we remember that youngest now has a bunk bed so we cleared the toys, set up his pillow and duvet and prayed that they would sleep ok in the same room whilst we got on with finding and fixing the leak whilst everything else dried out. </span> <br /><br /><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1447678089061_2660">It seemed to ok. Half an hour between bed times meant that youngest was asleep and none of oldest's antics woke her (getting out of bed, collecting toys etc) but they mornings were fun as they took it in turn to wake each other. </span> <br /><br /><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1447678089061_2664">Then came the real crisis. He had to go back into his own bedroom. </span> <br /><span id="yui_3_16_0_1_1447678089061_2665">We moved the bed back. he helped me put all his books and clothes away. I made a fuss of making his bed with clean sheets and making sure all his toys were where he wanted them to bed. Then, half an hour after youngest went to bed, we declared bed time and the bad mood turned from grumpy to full blown despair. He did not want to go back into his room and sleep on his own. The screaming tantrum lasted nearly 45 minutes and took both of us taking it in turns trying to calm him down. he did not want to sleep on his own, he did not want us to turn the hall light off (something we do because otherwise he gets up, pushes his door full open and plays using this light), he did not want us to pull his door to (again something we do the noise from us doesn't disturb him - we never close the door fully). I am not proud to say that eventually we threatened him with the removal of privileges before he would finally calm down enough to listen to us and be calmed down. </span> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Once again , this weekend, we started out well only for a complete meltdown over a spoon with the resulting tantrum including a room trashing session. I love my son dearly but his anger, often directed towards myself or his sister, is so destructive and we struggle to know how to manage it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We do have a request for some support via the Adoption Support Fund but these things take time, time that I don't want to wait for because I want to help him now. </span><br />
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<br /><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-67932009608687674782015-11-03T04:56:00.001-08:002015-11-03T04:56:14.135-08:00A New Role<span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: x-small;"></span></span><div dir="LTR">
<span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: small;">I am exceptionally excited to have been offered and accepted the position of Adopter Voice Champion with Adoption UK for the Lincolnshire area. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I am hoping that in this position I can interact with more adoptive parents (face to face and online), understand the issues that they face and hopefully work with the charity to push forward improvements for parents who had already adopted and those who will adopt in the future. In all this I want to make the lives of children better - even if my work only helps a single child it will be worth the effort. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The adoption process has already improved dramatically since we went through it - the reports are more streamlined and the courses are interspersed with the formal training days. The panels are smaller and, I hope, less daunting but whilst all these improvements for parents are in place the emphasis is still on the children and making sure that they are safe and with the right parents at the end of the day. All the media attention of the issues have to help and with any luck the right steps are being taken. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">There is a lot in the system to support children who have backgrounds and histories that include the care system. Pupil premium plus, an allowance that schools can request, is available for all these children but it is stills with the school as to how they want to spend it. Many younger children are benefitting from the 2 year old funding for pre school provisions - I know that my daughter did and that her being in a pre school allowed me to have more one to one time with my son and thus benefitted him as well. Post adoption support is something that I am struggling to work with at the moment, it is not as good as I was expecting it to be. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">I have already been to meet some of the Lincolnshire team, we didn't adopt through this agency and so they are all new faces to me and I was encouraged by how positive they were about the improvements that this process could bring and I am waiting to find out when the first face to face forums will take. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">This weekend I am off on my first training day and I can't wait. </span></div>
</span></span><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-78576860946508603402015-11-03T04:51:00.004-08:002015-11-03T04:51:59.472-08:00Out of this World<br />
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<span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "helv"; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">It is great that the kids bring homework projects from school for the holiday - there is always an opportunity for something really creative and fun. This half term oldest brought his work sheet home, it said 'Out of this World'. "I want to make a rocket". Not a space station or a solar system or anything else. A rocket. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Ok, we can do this. After a couple of days with Grandparents whilst we collected supplies it was time for oldest and his dad (youngest helping) to make this rocket. His dad had collected cardboard tubing from a local carpet shop - yep a carpet shop. Thus the tubing must have been at least 8 foot long. He had 2 of them. When I asked him how big it was going to be the answer was no bigger than oldest. I was ok with that, He lied. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I</span><span style="font-size: small;"> got home from work to be presented with not one, but two rockets. Neither of them the size of oldest or smaller. The first, resourced and researched and modelled on a Russian rocket was sat, 5 foot tall and looking magnificent. The second, i was told, was a 2-stage rocket and so in 2 pieces. Both pieces 5 foot in height - when outside the smaller firsts inside the other and this too was covered and paper machie drying and ready for painting. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">My first thought was ' how I am going to get them into school?' </span><span style="font-size: small;"><span id="goog_121629438"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The next night I got home to see the painting version.</span> WOW!<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">The I had to get it into school. I had to use the larger of our 2 cars and got some serious looks as I carried one under my arm, had oldest carrying one of his shoulder and helped youngest manage the third. I was glad it wasn't raining. They went straight into the classroom and the teacher's look was one of pure horror - I am not sure she expected anything as 'big'. Even the year 2 teacher came for a look. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">What I don't want is them back at the end of term. I am not sure that I will be that lucky. </span><br />
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<br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-91781802986719185282015-10-06T00:41:00.002-07:002015-10-06T00:41:53.900-07:00Hearing Voices<span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">This is a difficult post for me. I have been doing my best for both my children and at the moment I feel like my best really might not be good enough. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">My oldest is hearing voices. Voices that are telling him to do naughty, destructive and dangerous things. These voices told him to knock the house down with a hammer. To pull his wallpaper off his wall. He has been caught leaning out of his bedroom window (it is locked closed now). He knows that these things are wrong, I think the voices scare him and I have no idea how to help him. At the moment we are in the place where he will tell me when the voices are saying things to me so we can talk about what they are saying and hopefully stop him from acting on it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I have emailed social services and told them we need support - quickly and without having to mess about waiting. I doubt that my quickly and their quickly are the same thing and I am also worried that the help will be just for my husband and I. We might have to fight to get them to talk directly with oldest. It is a fight that I will enter into without hesitation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">In the meantime, in the hope that anything was better than nothing, I asked oldest about this voice - I was amazed by the level of detail he went into. An old man, always cross and rude with one blue eye and one red eye and with grey hair. He described his arms and hands. The man even has a name. He was so sure that he drew me a picture and we then locked it in an empty drawer. In the mind of a child if the man is in the drawer he can't also be in his head. We shall see if it helps.</span> </span></span><br />vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1779948495113014623.post-88726826284875496652015-10-06T00:41:00.000-07:002015-10-06T00:41:03.065-07:00Organised Activities<span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><div dir="LTR">
<span style="font-size: small;">Now that the smalls are really settled into school we are once again looking for organised activities for them to enjoy way from school. As a youngster I enjoyed loads from Brownies/ Guides, ballet, swimming, hockey and trampolining. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I have oldest's name down for Beavers as soon as there is a place for him. I am hoping the variety of activities will stop him getting bored plus the chance of camping is always a motivation. Youngest has started a gymnastics class after school which she seems to be enjoying, For the last 2 weekends I have taken them to rugby. The original plan was for oldest to have a go and see what he thought. In the end both children got stuck in, participated and had a blast and so we are planning to let them both go. I had hoped it would teach oldest about being part of a team, working together and maybe a little patience. I am still hopeful as the coaching staff seemed very good and, after a full hour of running about, they were both shattered, covered in mud but happy and begging to go again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">What I don't want to do it over fill the week - school is exhausting as it is. Oldest has more homework since he started year 1 and we have reading books to do every day. I would also like to try and get swimming back in as this was during the rugby slot. It might be something I try as an afters school activity but this means swimming after work for me and I am not sure and Saturdays are already pretty full. Might have to be something we do at half terms more often. I sometimes wish my working week was 1 day less and my weekend lasted an extra day but I have to work with what I have got. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">In other news the last round of contact letters has gone in and I have been offered a voluntary position with Adoption UK after which I am exceptionally excited.</span> </span></span>vicfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17152945274602246535noreply@blogger.com0