Support Network

Something that was stressed a great deal during out preparation and assessment for becoming adopters was our support network. Who was it? Where was it? Could we access it easily? The social workers were not wrong and I have needed my support network more than I could have imagined.

Take this week for example.

Nanny had oldest as he was too poorly to go to school. I felt terrible as I thought I should be taking the day off work to look after him but if I did this every time I would have no annual leave left and it would mean more child care arrangements during the school holidays. She also, kindly, took him to the doctors for me for the same reason and at the time I was really uncomfortable about it. I am not even sure why. There were no problems; he was safe, well cared for and happy. He did have a moment when I left him but that is not unusual and I put it down to the change in his usually routine.

Next the weekend. Separating the children for things is something that we are trying to do more and more – we have found that smallest gets her chance to shine as she is no long overshadowed by an older brother who answers to her and tries to her help all time as well as sometimes acts like the parent in telling her off and shouting at her – things we are trying to discourage. We also want to give oldest a chance to do the things that he is old enough to do – sometimes things that she is still a bit too little for.

This weekend was the first time we really tried this for any length of time. On Saturday I went for a girlie day out and took smallest with me – we did some shopping, had lunch out and generally had a lovely day. She was beautifully behaved and enjoyed herself and the attention. This day allowed my boys some time. They did some food shopping but it allowed oldest to get into some cooking and baking (both things that he really enjoys). When I got home he had enjoyed his day but he was angry with me for leaving him behind. His behaviour showed it.

Sunday we tried again – this time I was on my own so reliant upon the grace of Nanny (again). I would never have managed on Sunday without Nanny who supported me taking them swimming and allowed me to focus on oldest a little more. The afternoon was smallest at Nanny’s (there was make up involved) whilst I took oldest to a birthday party with his friends. I know that is not quality one to one time and I know that I need to spend some with him but it was nice to see him enjoying himself with his peers and being well behaved at the same time. I also made a massive fuss as he coped really well when he didn’t get a turn at pass the parcel – something that caused a major meltdown only 12 weeks ago. I was also very proud of the way he is able to sit and eat nicely. It is sometimes hard to see how good the good bits are until you have a direct comparison. My son eats just about anything and does well with cutlery. I am proud of him for that.

Next weekend the children get to visit the other side of the family – mine. I find it much easier to ask my parents and sister for help.  Maybe because they are my family and I know them better – my husband says the same, that it is easier for him to ask his parents for help. That being said I did another talk for a prepare to adopt course and it was one of the points that I really tried to hammer home. A good support network is essential. I would have really struggled without mine.