Now that Christmas is complete and we have started to de-Christmas the house as well as the 'ready for the new year' deep clean I am reminded on the next big event that is looming ever closer to me.
I have to go back to work.
I know how lucky I have been to be able to take a full 12 months off work to be at home with my children and I have done everything I can to enjoy every single moment but now that it is days away rather than weeks or months I am overwhelmed with a feeling of guilt at leaving them. But, no matter how I feel, working full time is normality for us. We have accepted that it will take the children time to get used to it and will plan accordingly.
We decided very carefully how to manage child care and what would work best not only for us but for the children as well - we have been keen to keep them in the pre school where they are happy as much as possible whilst taking into account what hours we need to cover because of the hours that we both have to work.
Honestly, I wish that I didn't have to go back to work or that I could afford to do 3 or even 4 days a week instead of 5 but I can't. Neither my job nor our bank balance can accept it and so I need to make the best of the situation. Which means that the time I do have it spent as wisely as possible.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
On the second day of Christmas . . . . .
This month has flown past and now I am sat on the lounge floor on the eve of Christmas Day wondering what the hell happened?
The last week or so has been manic. It started with a visit to visit Grandparents set 1. We made the decision that the children would be able to open presents whilst they were there to allow our families to share in some of the joy. We also had tickets to see a version of 'The Night before Christmas' which was magically. We got to see Santa again and the children were fixated on the actual show loving every single second. The next day and masses of presents later along with a fantastic early Christmas dinner left us with 2 very tired small people but 2 small people who were spoilt rotten. Both children quickly decided on their favourite gift - oldest a sword from his favourite cartoon and smallest a camera just like her brother's on which she has taken hundreds of pictures.
We came home the day before Christmas Eve and made that a quiet, calm down day as well as a chance to get plenty done including making jam tarts, cookies, meringues, a monster fish pie and preparing as much as possible for Christmas Eve and round 2 of grandparents. Both smalls helped where they could which was lovely and I am looking forward to years to come where they can do much more to enjoy the preparations.
Round 2 was slightly shorter in duration but still included many presents all of which the children fell to playing with straight away - we got to play farmyard bingo and do plenty of drawing plus oldest was over the moon to unwrap a Bob the Builder work bench on which he has fixed just about everything he owns.
Amazingly, after all the excitement the new pyjamas and slippers before bed time were gratefully received and they went to bed really well. I had been expecting much more fuss. We also presented them with hot water bottles in fluffy covers to warm their beds. At this point Andrew and I snuck about the house laying out presents under the tree, finishing the preparations for food ad as much as possible to try and make sure that we had plenty of time to just play. I have to confess that in all the fuss I forgot one vital thing - to leave Santa a drink and mince pie out along with some carrots. I must remember next year!
The last week or so has been manic. It started with a visit to visit Grandparents set 1. We made the decision that the children would be able to open presents whilst they were there to allow our families to share in some of the joy. We also had tickets to see a version of 'The Night before Christmas' which was magically. We got to see Santa again and the children were fixated on the actual show loving every single second. The next day and masses of presents later along with a fantastic early Christmas dinner left us with 2 very tired small people but 2 small people who were spoilt rotten. Both children quickly decided on their favourite gift - oldest a sword from his favourite cartoon and smallest a camera just like her brother's on which she has taken hundreds of pictures.
We came home the day before Christmas Eve and made that a quiet, calm down day as well as a chance to get plenty done including making jam tarts, cookies, meringues, a monster fish pie and preparing as much as possible for Christmas Eve and round 2 of grandparents. Both smalls helped where they could which was lovely and I am looking forward to years to come where they can do much more to enjoy the preparations.
Round 2 was slightly shorter in duration but still included many presents all of which the children fell to playing with straight away - we got to play farmyard bingo and do plenty of drawing plus oldest was over the moon to unwrap a Bob the Builder work bench on which he has fixed just about everything he owns.
Amazingly, after all the excitement the new pyjamas and slippers before bed time were gratefully received and they went to bed really well. I had been expecting much more fuss. We also presented them with hot water bottles in fluffy covers to warm their beds. At this point Andrew and I snuck about the house laying out presents under the tree, finishing the preparations for food ad as much as possible to try and make sure that we had plenty of time to just play. I have to confess that in all the fuss I forgot one vital thing - to leave Santa a drink and mince pie out along with some carrots. I must remember next year!
Christmas Morning dawned and I am pretty sure oldest was awake some time around 6am but he stayed in bed until smallest got up around 7.20 - much later than anticipated! From there the fun started and the joy in their faces when they realised that 'he had been' was fabulous. Opending everything seemed to take forever - our families and friend have been so generous, many in the style that my husband can take credit for as we know have many more musical instruments. The chaos when we finally sat down to breakfast was amazing.
The rest of the morning, after finding and donning clothes, was spent in play - colouring books, jigsaws (Spiderman being the most complicated that we achieved), cars, dressing up, mopping the floor, fixing things, stories and all sorts, too many to remember! We sat down to a full Christmas dinner and enjoyed every mouthful as a family. The afternoon was more TV focused - both were getting tired and on the grumpy side and surprisingly not 4 hours after dinner they were ready for tea!
Looking back over today it has been crazy, we never made it out of the house for the walk and fresh air we planned but it doesn't matter, the children have gone to bed happy, contented and I am about ready to have a rummage in the kitchen for my own supper. Right now I am once again amazed by how my life has changed in 12 months time, this Christmas has been worlds apart from last year and with visiting to do tomorrow it is not over yet.
Wishing all the happiest of Christmas times and peaceful and prosperous New Year. May 2014 bring you all the blessings you wish for.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Direct Contact, Round 2, the Realilty
After all my concerns I was, once again, reminded how amazing children are as I can say that our second attempt at direct contact went so much better than the first one. Experience has to pay and it has hammered home that last time we rushed it too soon in to the children's placement with us.
We did what we said. A not-so-local golden arches, a happy meal and a meeting around a table which last just over an hour. The children's behaviour was excellent (all 3 of them!) and so far, a few days later, we have yet to experience any negative after effects which leads me to feel much more positively about this direct content in this future.
What is has reminded me of is my own limitations.
The foster carer and I were able to have a good chat about the children and I was keen to hear how family finding was working. Sadly there has been very little success and it feels like if a final push in the new year fails then another child will be destined for long term foster care. Don't get me wrong, there are some amazing foster carers out there but I am pretty sure it is not the same as having some one to call Mummy or Daddy. What really sadden me was my inability to be able to keep this child with his siblings.
My thoughts and prayers this Christmas are with all the children waiting for their own forever Mummy and Daddy. I pray that 2014 brings many new families together.
We did what we said. A not-so-local golden arches, a happy meal and a meeting around a table which last just over an hour. The children's behaviour was excellent (all 3 of them!) and so far, a few days later, we have yet to experience any negative after effects which leads me to feel much more positively about this direct content in this future.
What is has reminded me of is my own limitations.
The foster carer and I were able to have a good chat about the children and I was keen to hear how family finding was working. Sadly there has been very little success and it feels like if a final push in the new year fails then another child will be destined for long term foster care. Don't get me wrong, there are some amazing foster carers out there but I am pretty sure it is not the same as having some one to call Mummy or Daddy. What really sadden me was my inability to be able to keep this child with his siblings.
My thoughts and prayers this Christmas are with all the children waiting for their own forever Mummy and Daddy. I pray that 2014 brings many new families together.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Direct Contact, Round 2
I can so hear the bell dinging when I think about the next round of direct contact. After last time we requested a completely different format. Instead of allowing the children to have the freedom of a soft play centre where we occasionally lost sight of the children and were concerned about what they might be talking about we requested a shorter meeting over a meal. This was agreed and should have taken place during October half term but due to differences in half terms holidays across county borders and issues with in social services it didn't happen.
The children's old social worker remains the social worker for their older sibling and she has taken control and sorted it out for next weekend and I am nervous. We have not told the children we are meeting him yet and we will not until we get in the car to go but I am worried about the after effects especially being so close to Christmas as I really do not want anything to spoil their current run of decent behaviour. Don't get me wrong, they are not angels. We have tantrums, they don't listen, they push boundaries and this we have time outs plus other consequences but all normal for children of their age. But, we have identified that most of the bad behaviour happens with the children are either tired or frustrated with something which is making it easier to manage as well as prevent from getting blown out of proportion.
But, I am still nervous and I am hoping that this contact with be a positive one, especially after the positive indirect contact that we have recently had so I plan to go open minded and try to make it as positive as possible.
The children's old social worker remains the social worker for their older sibling and she has taken control and sorted it out for next weekend and I am nervous. We have not told the children we are meeting him yet and we will not until we get in the car to go but I am worried about the after effects especially being so close to Christmas as I really do not want anything to spoil their current run of decent behaviour. Don't get me wrong, they are not angels. We have tantrums, they don't listen, they push boundaries and this we have time outs plus other consequences but all normal for children of their age. But, we have identified that most of the bad behaviour happens with the children are either tired or frustrated with something which is making it easier to manage as well as prevent from getting blown out of proportion.
But, I am still nervous and I am hoping that this contact with be a positive one, especially after the positive indirect contact that we have recently had so I plan to go open minded and try to make it as positive as possible.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
A Relief
Today a large envelope arrived in the post, an envelope I was not sure would arrive nor, if it did, whether I would be happy with the contents. It was the contact letters from some of the children's birth family.
I sat to read them and was terrified but it as completely unnecessary as they letters are excellent. They are written to my husband and I and they have responded to our letter as well as included Christmas wishes. I was so relieved I could have cried.
I know that we had already decided not to read the letter to the children, they never speak of their birth families and neither can remember attending the contact centre to see any of them but I will be keeping them safe in case the children ask and want to read them in the future.
The next round are not until well into the new year so I have time to draft, re-write and then write again before they need to be sent off but I am feeling a lot better about getting responses.
I sat to read them and was terrified but it as completely unnecessary as they letters are excellent. They are written to my husband and I and they have responded to our letter as well as included Christmas wishes. I was so relieved I could have cried.
I know that we had already decided not to read the letter to the children, they never speak of their birth families and neither can remember attending the contact centre to see any of them but I will be keeping them safe in case the children ask and want to read them in the future.
The next round are not until well into the new year so I have time to draft, re-write and then write again before they need to be sent off but I am feeling a lot better about getting responses.
On the first day of Christmas . . . . . . .
There is no way I am going to get all 12 days of Christmas done but with the start of December it feels like everything has started to get very exciting. We started the month with a trip to see Father Christmas at a local garden centre. From previous experiences and reputation we knew that the queues could get really awful so we planned to be there for when it opened which we achieved. We even had a little time to see the reindeer and look at all the lights and decorations.
To say it was magical would be a little over the top. The children loved it and the magic was their faces going through the wonderland and looking at all the displays and then going on the short train ride. The actual seeing of Father Christmas was nice and we did treat ourselves to the photograph so we can remember the children's first Christmas with us. They also came home with a lovely gift each and they have both become the current favourite.
The next event for us to attend was a Christmas party organised by social services for families with adopted children and we had a lovely time. It included another visit from Santa as well as Peppa Pig - which neither of them liked! There was also a disco and games plus food and lots of other children for them to play with. I also enjoyed having the chance to catch up with other parents whom I have met through the whole adoption process.
I am sure these were the first of many little things that we will do over the next month however we have noticed that the children, oldest especially, has become more unsettled and has gone back to talking more about his foster carers. I think this has something to do with his memories of Christmas - where he was and who he was with. I think next Christmas might be the one where every thing clicks into place.
To say it was magical would be a little over the top. The children loved it and the magic was their faces going through the wonderland and looking at all the displays and then going on the short train ride. The actual seeing of Father Christmas was nice and we did treat ourselves to the photograph so we can remember the children's first Christmas with us. They also came home with a lovely gift each and they have both become the current favourite.
The next event for us to attend was a Christmas party organised by social services for families with adopted children and we had a lovely time. It included another visit from Santa as well as Peppa Pig - which neither of them liked! There was also a disco and games plus food and lots of other children for them to play with. I also enjoyed having the chance to catch up with other parents whom I have met through the whole adoption process.
I am sure these were the first of many little things that we will do over the next month however we have noticed that the children, oldest especially, has become more unsettled and has gone back to talking more about his foster carers. I think this has something to do with his memories of Christmas - where he was and who he was with. I think next Christmas might be the one where every thing clicks into place.
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