Monday, March 16, 2015

Lessons

This week I have reached the end of my patience when it comes to meal times. Often the children will push away food and declare that they 'don't want that'. I will never force a child that isn't hungry to eat, force a child to eat something that they did not like nor would I ever deny a hungry child something but I will not tolerate unnecessary waste. Yesterday was such a meal. Fishcakes (that they had eaten many times before) and vegetables were presented, both children pushed them away and asked for something different. They were given a choice. Eat the meal before them or leave the table and have it for the next meal. There was no shouting, no getting cross and no tears. Both children were aware of the consequences of their choice.

Both chose to leave the table.

This morning, for breakfast, I retrieved the fishcakes from the fridge and reheated. Both were presented with the meal they refused. Both were hungry. Both asked for something different - proper breakfast food was one request. I explained that I was not wasting food when so many in this world live without was not acceptable. Both children understood that they would have their normal meals at school but I would continue to present this meal until it was eaten although next time it would be cold. They ate their breakfast whilst it was still warm.

They went to school having eaten and had a drink. They went to school without being shouted at or told off and I remained calm throughout.

Hopefully this was a lesson learnt. 

Monday, March 9, 2015

Celebrate with hiccups.

On Sunday I was able to spend a moment during the chaos of a birthday party to reflect in what a difference 2 years makes.

The answer is massive. Another mum and I compared our daughters to the children that they were 2 years ago and aside from the fact that physically both children are bigger the changes meant that they were barely recognisable from their former selves. It was the increases in confidence that really wowed us. Both had transformed from very quiet, shy and withdrawn children in to loud and confident girls who were into everything. Present opening was another comparison for me - 2 years ago when she had her first birthday with us (she turned 2 years old) we had to encourage her to open her presents and this year she was straight in there. 2 years ago smiles were not common, this year she never stopped smiling.

I have to say that the celebration was not without its hiccups. Mainly that the bouncy castle did not appear and we had a make scramble to replace it. Luckily a local firm came to our rescue (happy to recommend to anyone if a bouncy castle is needed) who saved the day and saved many tears. I am glad that had prepared a number of games including 2 rounds of pass the parcel and a game of musical bumps with a further 2 prizes on stand-by. We needed them whilst the bouncy castle took shape.

What I did realise is that I am getting better at these things - there was enough food but less waste than the last time I organised a child's birthday party. What does frustrate me is that number of parents that do not respond to invitations - we sent 12 to children that she goes to preschool with - with 1 declining we had 4 attend. 7 with no response. Luckily the additional of family and friends meant that there were plenty of people there to celebrate and she never mentioned that she was missing anyone important.

I do also want to take a moment to thank some of the people that help to make life a lot easier. My parents, My sister. Good friends. All are worth their weight in gold. From the little things like helping to set up and tidy away the birthday party to the lovely gifts to baby-sitting to being on the end of the phone when I need someone to talk to. I am extremely lucky and I must not forget it..

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Sibling relationships

We have had a rough couple of weeks. Luckily they seem to be over and we have settled back into what is something resembling normality.

It all started towards the end of the half term break and no matter how hard I try i can not find the trigger but oldest became really unsettled for a while and it continued when he returned to school and, sadly, I ended up dealing with instances of spitting and punching at school. Both of which are out of character and so really frustrating. Luckily he is a lot more settled now he has been back in school another week and we have talked to him about his behaviour, as has school and we keep telling him that it is ok to be angry but he needs to find a better outlet - we are suggesting talking about it and asking for a cuddle so he can calm down and feel safe at the same time.

In the midst of this we have not helped ourselves as we had organised a contact session for his older sibling. It has been a year since they have seen each other and, whilst we were watchful, we were confident that it could be a positive experience. During the actual session the relationship between the children was a positive one. They played nicely, interacted well and all was good. There is still no relationship between youngest and her sibling and neither child seems to be interested in forging one which is hard to watch.

What we did learn from the foster carer did disturb us. Their sibling is back in regular contact with their birth mum. We had asked to be notified in the unlikely event that this happened as we would not have allowed the children to play out of ear shot especially as he had seen  her within 2 weeks of seeing us. We had no idea. I know that children talk but I wanted to be able to monitor if anything was said that might cause confusion or distress. We have also learned that birth mum is fighting to regain custody of their sibling and we have no idea what the impact of that might be - selfishly, on our children and their ability to have direct contact their older sibling.  

Luckily with everything else settling down and 6 months before the next session we don't have to make an decisions straight away but we need to take on board the advice of the
those around us.

All that being said we do have problems managed how jealous the children get of each other. I remember not being the kindest to my sister when I was a child but on occasion they can be really mean and it is not easy to know how to manage it except to make sure we give attention in equal measures.

In other news we have also, finally, applied for passports for the children and are planning a holiday to somewhere very sunny via an airplane for this year! I can't wait.