a day late but still important to me.

This post is a day late but I still want to mark the moment. 

One year ago exactly life changed forever.

Our children came home. This is the post that I wrote: http://anewroad-vicfish.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/p-day_18.html

It feels like only yesterday that we collected them and brought them home. I remember that there was snow on the ground and it was freezing cold. Looking back I knew that life would never be the same again and I knew that we would have ups and downs. I knew that it would be hard. In some ways it has been harder than I ever expected and in others it has not. I have enjoyed so much and there have been moments that haven't been quite so much fun.

So much has changed! The children have grown not only in height but in confidence, knowledge and ability. Our home has changed and is much more focused around them. As has the way we travel, to be honest every aspect of our lives centres around them.

Roll on the next year.

The Wicked Witch of here.

This week I feel like the Wicked Witch of the East. This has been my first week back at work and I will confess that I am enjoying the adult conversation, the stimulation and the sense of purpose and achievement. What I am not loving is the commute and what I really hate is leaving the children in childcare.

I know that I am lucky in that my husband is a shift worker so depending on his rotation we are only reliant upon childcare for either 2 or 3 days a week. But those days are really hard. This week it has been 3 days – on 2 of them I have dropped the children off at preschool early and then relied upon a childminder to collect them and feed them before I could collect them. On the 3^rd day, yesterday, I relied on the preschool for early morning and after school hours.  Oldest was fine, his friend was right behind him and he ran off happily to play. Youngest however was not fine. She was really clingy and whilst there were no tears she did not want to leave. Her plea for me to come and get her nearly broke my heart. It didn’t seem to matter how many times I tell her that I will always come and get her there is still an insecurity there especially when I have to collect her latter than is her expected normality. When I collected them both they were shattered, completely beyond tired and it didn't get any better.

This morning they were still tired, so much so that today has been a complete right off. Smallest is so tired that she is also a bit poorly which is heartbreaking as I feel like it is my fault. That if she had not been in child care so much this week she would have been ok.

I have to confess that I am also struggling with time. I feel like, in the mornings, I am rushing them to get ready, eat a decent breakfast and then get out of the house so I can get to work on time. In the evenings we have a little time for play, a good time for some fun in the bath, story time and then it is bed – I have 2 hours with them and it doesn’t feel like enough. We considered a later bedtime but the children have had long days and are shattered so they need the sleep.

 

As it is the last day weekend tomorrow I fully intend to spend the time with them, I can’t make up for the time I miss during the week but I can make the time that I have the best it possibly can be. I just hope that a good night's sleep is had and they are feeling better in the morning.   

A year later. . .

What a difference a year makes.

One year ago today we had only just met our children for the first time. We were in the middle of introductions and they hadn't moved in yet.

They were so small, stood next to each other looking at the doorway as we walked in. The photos from last year are so different to ones we have from this week.

As it stands I have one sleep before I return to work and I am terrified. Terrified that we have made the right choices concerning childcare arrangements. Terrified that the children will think I have abandoned them. Terrified that I will be able to fit everything into a week - the whole 37 hours at work plus the commute, collecting and dropping off the children, making sure they have good meals, the food shopping, the cleaning, the washing, the ironing and, most importantly, having time to spend just playing with the children without being so tired that it is not fun.

I know that I have to live it before I will know. I also know that I am not on my own - my husband is, as ever, my rock and my family are doing all they can but at the end of the day I need to do what is best and plenty of happy, healthy children have both their parents who go to work full time. I should be grateful that my husband's shift patterns mean that he doesn't work any more than 3 days a week (most weeks) so he will be there for them.

Ask me in a couple of weeks if I manage it.

2013 Lessons Learned. 2014, a new chapter.

In closing last year and re-opening for this one I wanted to record some of the things that I have learnt in the last 12 months, 12 months in which my life has been completed changed.

1) I am slowly turning into my mother. Frightening but hopefully not the end of the world. My theory being that I am not a crazed criminal mastermind or raving lunatic so she must have done something right.
2) I am surrounded by some amazing people in my family and friends. Enough said, they know who they are and some have been completed unexpected.
3) Housework, of my lack of completing it, will not kill me nor will anyone suffer for it.
4) My children are amazing, I need to give them more credit as well as more trust. The progress made in the last 12 months has been astounding and this is going to be a big year with me returning to work as well as oldest starting school in September.
5) My husband is the unsung hero in my world. I don't say enough how much I rely on him and I really should.

Next, my 2014 plan.

Maybe a lot more of the same in the spirit of trying to make it even better. There are still things we want to work on. Having the ability to change the children's routine especially for things like camping, parties and other special occasions would be really helpful. I want to carry on taking photographs of all the things that we are doing - my scrapbook of 2013 is something I will treasure forever and I expect 2014 to be just as good (hopefully better).

As an aside, if I can manage work on top of everything else I might moon-light as Wonder Woman as soon as I have some free time.