1500 Kids and Counting

I have been watching this series on channel 4 with interest; it shows much of what we saw during our journey through the adoption system but also some insights into the ‘other side’ of it all.

 Episode 1

The focus upon the birth families left me really divided. For one lady my heart broke. It felt like she had tried so hard to get her son back, to do everything that social services asked of her and still her son went for adoption. The other family, the gentleman (I use the term loosely) spent so much time shouting, swearing and generally being unpleasant to the social workers that I had no sympathy for him, only for his partner who seemed resigned to accept the situation. The third family shown really highlighted the problems faced when the NHS and social services don’t work together – something that happens more often that I think is realised.

Episode 2

I enjoyed hearing the perspectives of the social workers involved, I sometimes forget how much they invest in the children they are responsible for and just how much they care. Seeing the social worker’s desperation to find loving homes for the children she was responsible for and then her elation when adopters came forward was really moving.

I was also pleased to see how the foster carers were portrayed as they also invest huge amounts of time, energy and love in the children in their care not only taking them in when are they incredible vulnerable but also in the preparation for the live ahead of them. We were lucky in the foster carers who prepared our children (something I have discussed before) but I have heard of cases where this has not been the case.

Episode 3

The focus turned to the transition between the foster carer and the adoptive placement and this was the bit that I could relate to most – it wasn’t forever ago that I lived it. I remember all too clearly walking into a stranger’s house to meet to tiny, frightened children who had no idea what was going around them. I remember feeling terrified that they wouldn’t like me that we wouldn’t bond, that everything would fall apart. The excitement was also very real. Watching the excitement from the children and their new parents were fabulous but the foster carer’s sadness was also apparent as their charges moved onto their futures.

 I do hope that this series has highlighted the benefits of adoption, the need for adopters to consider older children (despite the added difficulties they can bring) as well for those people considering adoption to take the plunge and go for it.

School Places

I am over the moon at the moment as we have received confirmation that we have a place for our oldest at the primary school of our choice – it is such a relief. We had investigated all of the schools local to us – we talked to other parents, looked at website, visited the buildings and talked to the staff and made the choice on what we thought was best.  

-       Single year group classes.

Lots of the schools around us are smaller village schools and the majority run mixed year group classes (some freely admit that the mix the children based on ability so the brighter younger children are in with the older children that need some catching up). This terrified me as there will not be a school year between our children and I would hate for them to be in the same class as each other.

-       Location

We have chosen the school closest to us. Great for practicalities like the school run, not so much so when you consider the location of the pre school but we figured it was only for a year.

-       Some of his friends from pre school will go with him

We know that the transition will be traumatic for him, we expect it to take him a lot longer than his peers to settle but we are hoping his friends being with him will be helpful

-       The facilities

It felt like a lot of the schools were very similar – nice bright classrooms covered in art work and learning aids, tables and chairs, playgrounds of both grass and concrete, a hall. None of the local schools have a kitchen onsite for school meals so no  matter where he attends these will be shipped in.

The most important thing for us was his choice. We tried to keep him included and he came to every visit. He had a brilliant reaction to the school he will attend and the Head. There was a school which he had an extreme negative reaction to which we also took into account.

I am hoping that he has a positive experience of school, fingers crossed that he remembers his first few days as happy ones.

Peace and Quiet (code name Operation Grandma's sleepover).

It is the middle of the Easter holidays and another first for us.

We are at home and our children are at Grandma’s house. We went visiting to celebrate their wedding anniversary – a whole 35 years! I am so impressed. Anyway, they offered to look after the children for a couple of nights to help us cover the Easter break from preschool and because they love spending the time with them. What is means for me is that I have 2 days of work when Andrew is at work where I don’t have to worry about getting the children ready to be anywhere. I just have to sort myself out and get myself to work and in the evenings I just have to look after me. What I also have is a day to myself whilst Andrew is at work and I have a plan.

Cleaning.

 At least that was the original plan. It quickly changed to some shopping and some crafty stuff. Mainly updated my much ignored scrapbook and making some cards. The things that I struggle to do when they are at home.

It is weird, I miss the children lie crazy but the time to myself is so precious and plan to enjoy every single second.

Forwards and Backwards

With the start of the Easter holidays and a long awaited and needed break from school upon us we have so much planned.

Looking back to my second attempt at Mothers Day I have to confess that it was a bit of a let down. My husband worked a 12 hour shift so I did as any other Sunday, took the children swimming with this grandparents. We had brunch at a nearby supermarket afterwards and the afternoon was spent enjoying the sunshine in the garden. I then cooked tea, played some more, did bath time and my husband arrived home in time for story time and bed time. The only difference was the little pile of cards that the children had made along with a lovely key ring that oldest has made at preschool plus some face cream. Might not be overly glamorous but well needed and gratefully received.

Today, another Sunday, has ben much the same but the cooler and windy weather has meant more inside play and The Little Mermid on DVD. I am really looking forward to tomorrow - the only day over the next 2 weeks that I have booked off especially to spend with them and I have plans to meet a friend and do something - what we do will depend on the weather as we hoped for a day on the farm and some sunshine but we shall wait and see what the morning brings.

I am also really looking forward to visiting my parents next weekend - we are going to try again at letting the children sleep there on their own plus the Easter Weekend itself as we have a couple of fun days booked with various friends - something I always appreciate.

On another note I have been asked to offer support, advise and comfort to other potential adopters by friends as well as our social worker. I am happy to try and help, as much as I can: I just hope that I can.