Nerves

Next weekend we are going to back to try something that we haven't been able to do in over 18 months.

　

Contact. 　

After repeated requests from oldest we agreed to talk to social services and find out about the status of his older brother and whether they could see each other again. We had to stop contact because of a court review and contact between the older brother (still in foster care, lets call him BB) and their birth mum. Our concern was that this contact was unsupervised and that the children were old enough to know their surnames, school name and address - all details that we didn't want to be shared. 　

Fast forward to today and the contact team and BB's social worker have been great. They have provided me with as much detail as they can - there is still contact and it is still unsupervised but there is no risk that he will return to her care and will remain with his foster carer - the same lady we met previously and got on really well with. They gave us some advise as to how we could move forward and offer to support us so we felt that we could make a date to see BB again. 　

Oldest has been told that we have booked this and he can see it is written on the calendar on the kitchen wall. He has started to get excited about it and, from correspondence with the foster carer, BB is also excited. It serves as an excellent reminder that my children have another family out there and that they are naturally curious about that family and have an interest in the people that formed a part of their early years. We have a plan for a short meeting, over food, where the children will not leave our supervising so that we can steer conversations away from topics and information that can't be shared. There is no point saying to a 7 year old 'don't tell him . . . . ' because that would be the first thing out of his mouth. After that we will see how it goes as to when we see him again. 　

In all this I have not mentioned youngest. I don't even know if she will go and meet him as she has no relationship with him and no interest in seeing him. I think that, if she goes, it will only be for the food. 　

All this doesn't take away my nerves. My anxiety. My concerns.

All I can do is enter into it with an open mind. an appreciation of how oldest is feeling as well as his needs in terms of identifying himself and the people that are important to him. I will always support him in this, regardless of how I feel about it and hopefully it will help as they years go by. 　

　

In other news both smalls are making great progress with their rugby - oldest has started playing proper matches, he is working really hard with the rest of him team and the improvement is amazing, Youngest is also improving and recently enjoyed minor success of being the best tackler when it came to tackling the practise bags, so much so that she had to demonstrate to the boys. 　

A Formal Occasion - time to count some blessings

I do love a good wedding. This weekend were privileged enough to be invited (as a family of 4) to the wedding of my 2nd cousin. 　

As much as I was excited to attend I was also very nervous, this was the first time that the kids had done a traditional wedding from start to finish. They have been to 2 evening receptions and wedding weekend but never a traditional church wedding followed by wedding breakfast and evening reception. I was worried about them getting bored, getting hungry, being tired, wanting to run about and generally making a nuisance of themselves. 　

The run up as pain free - oldest loved his new trousers, waistcoat, shirt, tie combo with a smart coat over the top. Youngest was as much fun as a doll with a new dress, sparkly shoes, tights and cardigan. Both were brilliant with wearing their respective Christening gifts - necklace, bracelet, watch. They even let me do their hair, loose curls for youngest and spiky hair gel for oldest. 　

They were even good on the car drive down - 2 hours into London to the hotel where the reception was and where we had a room booked. On arrival I was prepared enough with snack and drinks (nothing that we could get messy with) which served 2 purposes - entertainment and prevention of hungry in the short term. Meeting family was also a time waster until the bus arrived 　

I have to confess the Bride and Groom had thought of everything - a red London bus to the church in the centre of the city which meant the kids had a great time and required little entertainment. The church bit was not so easy. We decided to go with the easy escape option of sets in the back row (I think my cousin's mum would have preferred us nearer the front as family but we apologies and went with our option) and once again my kids surprised me. We had another snack waiting for the service to start and I took the easy option of electronic games devices for the boring bits. They were quiet, the stood up at the right bits, showed interest in the best bits - entrance of the bride etc and were generally brilliant. At the end, register signing and a few photos I had ready a mini packet of love hearts and a lot of relief. 　

Back to the bus and once at the hotel we were distracted booking in and looking at our room followed by drinks, canapes and some colouring sheets that I had packed. Oldest did a portrait of the happy couple which I hope they liked (they had orange faces as there was no pink crayon). Minor involvement in photos was another distraction as was getting them to find us on the seating chart (A Big Bang style periodic table) and they were allowed to borrow various cameras from various people to take photos with. Going in for the wedding breakfast led to another surprise - activity packs that were amazing and included activity books, disposable cameras and other bits that entertained between courses and during speeches. One again I was very grateful as they were brilliant. 　

Next task was a return to the room, toy swap and refresh before back to the evening bit. Oldest sat to the table with this tablet and played quietly. Youngest switched from dancing, playing on her tablet and eating from the buffet at all times being as good as gold. 10pm came quickly and they were rewarded with sparklers, it was bonfire night! After that we decided not to push our luck any further and they went to bed with very little fuss, not accepting that they were tired but it was tantrum free. Sleep claimed them quickly. I listened to the band until they finished and then slept. 　

Sunday dawned early, for all that they were hours late in bed the lie in lasted 30 minutes! 　

Cartoons were a godsend for a while but hunger was the moving so we got up, sorted and headed for breakfast and that was when things started to go a little bit wrong. They wanted to be up and down to the buffet, not an option with the hot food and people carrying coffee about. They ate with much messing about and they tiredness was starting to show so we were as quick as possible and, saying our farewells we escaped and headed for home.　

I am lucky (and very grateful) that they were great for the important bit, annoyed with myself for underestimating how challenging breakfast might be. Sunday afternoon was hell but an early night and school should help. Now I can look forward to the next one.