Explaining

How do I explain to a 3 and a half year old that this is his home, that we are his family and that, no matter what he does, we will not let him go?

Today our oldest has exhibited some 'challenging behaviour'. I think that is a serious understatement. We have had screaming, throwing self on the floor with the accompanying kicking and arm waving for no other reason than because he didn't like what he was being asked not to do - in the shop it was touching everything he could reach. My reaction was calm, as calm as possible whilst removing the situation.

After the last one of the day at home we sat down for a talk. It breaks my heart when he says that he is not staying here. He can't put into words where he thinks he is going or why but, based on the reading, the research and everything we have been told about children placed for adoption he is displaying the classic signs that he is challenging us to keep him - to prove to him that he is loved, he is wanted and that he is going nowhere. We try and tell him we love him as much as possible, we try and reassure him that the things around him are his - silly things like the laundry basket, the toilet, the bath as well his bed, the things in his wardrobe and all his toys and

I suppose my cloud has a silver lining. He does not bite. He does not hit and kick at me, my husband or his sister. He does not spit and he seems to have stopped his destructive behaviour. He is a good boy, he has lovely manners when he wants to and he is such a lovely child when he plays with his sister and other children. I also have more good days with him than bad days and today he choose to go to bed early so I am hoping that he realises that so much of his challenging behaviour is because he is tired and over or good night kiss we promised each other a better day tomorrow.

My challenge it help him believe that he is our son and that he is going nowhere.