It has been a while since I have found time to record my thoughts and I have found that I have missed it as I find it very cathartic, as such this might up as a steam of my thoughts based on the last few days.
A lot has happened in the last few weeks but one thing has really stuck with me, mainly because it has been said a few times now and explaining is not getting any less uncomfortable. I was not there when my children were born. It is strange how many people ask questions about when they were born. I have to repeatedly tell medical professionals that youngest small was a premature baby and that I wasn't there. Parents of other children especially when they start talking about their pregnancies and births want me to join in and I can't which means I end up explaining that I wasn't there so I don't feel so rude. Sadly every time it reminds me how much of them I have missed out on - I wasn't the one who felt them growing inside her, I didn't give birth to them and I missed their first months and years of life. I guess I have the rest of my life to come to terms with that and it will not mean that I love them any less.
We also had to deal with an incident at preschool. Youngest small started after Easter doing 3 mornings a week and after a great start she was getting upset when I tried to leave her although she did calm down within 5 minutes of me leaving. It was heartbreaking to walk away from her when she was screaming and it took the other mums to reassure me that she was ok but that was before.
Last week when we arrived to collect them we were met by a screaming small in the arms of one of the key workers. She was screaming because another child had bitten her. On the face. I was devastated. I understand that children bite and that it is a form of communication but the mess of her face broke my heart. The black eye that developed over night has been a constant reminder every time I look at her but it is healing. I had taken her to pre school to learn, the develop and to have fun. Not to get hurt. I accept that the key workers can't be everywhere and can't stop everything but the child in question is a known biter ad no one can tell me why he wasn't being monitored more closely.
The other suggestion put forward was that I collect her early so she doesn't come into contact with this child which has infuriated me further as why she should miss out. If any child should be in pre school less it should be the child that bites in my opinion. My next concern is taking her back as I am not sure how she will react - I am hoping she will be as before but my fear is that she will have a complete meltdown and refuse to go - tomorrow I will see as I am taking oldest small however it is not her day so she gets to come home with me.
Today has been a lovely day, we started swimming with my parents-in-law and then onto brunch with both smalls sinking massive platefuls of scrambled eggs on toast. The next few hours was craft time (thank you pictures for the swimming as I couldn't manage it on my own when my husband is at work) and play time which included a little TV time. We then went to the in-laws for a lovely Sunday dinner which was even nicer as I didn't cook it and I didn't have to wash up either. It always amazes me after such a good breakfast, brunch and snack that the smalls can then manage a Sunday dinner followed by dessert.
Tomorrow we are back to school and next weekend brings our next adventure: camping.
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