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We have always struggled with jealousy and recently it feel like it is getting a little out of hand. So much so that I have gone back to social services and asked for help. Both children have always been extremely aware of the other - what they are doing, what they are playing with and what interaction they have with people around them. Lately is feels like it is getting worse.

We do try and do things with them both together and on their own but it is hard and I always thought them being in separate educational environments would be helpful. I am no longer all that sure as it seems to have made things worse, especially for oldest. I hate saying it but, when it comes to his sister, he has turned really mean. She will ask for something and he will push her out of the way to get it first, she will ask to do something and the same occurs. If we ask her to do something he pushes past to make sure he does it and now, she is following his example and doing the same to him.
 
I always make sure that, where possible, I get some time with oldest in an evening. we tend to use it to do his ready book and talk about his day. I also try really hard to talk to each of them in turn, asking the other to listen so they know that they have my full attention. I have worked hard to practise positive reinforcement with them both, to praise the good bits and I know I am not perfect, there are days when one child gets a bit more time than the other - for example youngest being poorly (which she often is) sends him into over drive because all she wants is to be cuddled. Oldest never really asks for cuddles. he will push her out of the way and cuddle me but it feels like he does like to take away from her rather than because he enjoys a cuddle.

I can't help wondering what I am doing wrong, why he feels like this and what I can do to help him feel more secure. That is why I have asked for help as I just don't know. The advice came back to carry on with everything we are doing. I am not sure how helpful that is.  

Today has been a rough day for oldest, school had to tell us that he had missed his play time and we put into time out for no listening and messing about especially at lunch time. He is trying to cope with so much - it is not a good time of year for him, he seems to be pushing his boundaries at school as he is really settled and he is really crossed with us because we can't make it to stay and play sessions in his class like other parents can. I hate that I have to work, I feel so guilty because if I didn't work I could be there for those sessions but I just don't have a choice. I have to work, I have to earn the money we need to do all the things we want to.

We have some work to do to help him to understand that some things are beyond our control, I am hoping for a good weekend so we can reinforce the positives with him because he isn't a naughty boy and I don't want him to be labelled as one.

Another application . . . .

for school!

I can not believe it but September will see youngest enter school, just 12 months after oldest. Time really is flying past as it feels like only last month that she came to us, less than 2 years old!

She is excited about going to the big school with her big brother and he is so protective I am sure he will look out for her.

All I have to do now is wait for confirmation that we will get the school we want, whilst I have complete confidence that we will I still like to have it in writing. 

Halloween + Bonfire Night

Halloween seems to divide the people around me - some love it and take their kids treat and treating with all the costumes and others don't quoting things like 'it's an American tradition' and 'it's begging'.

I am not sure where I sit. I can see the fun. I don't mind where the tradition started, it has been around a long time. But it could be seen as begging and I would never go to house that I didn't know the occupants or that I wasn't expected.

This year the children did get dressed up - a werewolf and a bat based princess type. They love dressing up or all types and so do I so every opportunity has to be encouraged. We visited Nanny and Grandad and that was the total of treat or treat. We also enjoyed pumpkin carving and they loved seeing them all lit up in our garden. But on the weekend we did a little more - a little bonfire to clean some of the garden rubbish, a few little fireworks and some sparklers. I love a sparkler and did partake in writing my name with it (as well as carefully supervising the children) and they loved them as well. I can't remember doing anything last year for them, it might have been that youngest was just too young but hopefully this year made up for it a little bit.

It's coming . . . .

I can't hide from it - the shops are covered, the lights are out all over the place and, even though we have yet to mark Halloween or Bonfire night, Christmas really is coming.

I was really stubborn last year. I wanted a quiet day for the 4 of us - our first as a proper family. I got what I wanted and I enjoyed it. This year is different. this year everything is so much more settled and we are in a position that we can do a bit more because we can all cope with the excitement a bit more.

We already have 1 Christmas planned - my parents. Sadly my Dad has to work a lot of the Christmas period so we do it early. This year it will be the weekend before and I am confident that it will be great, even better than last year.

For December 25th I have no idea yet. We will be waking up at home, there will be presents under out tree but other than that I have nothing planned

What I really want for Christmas this year is to be 3 stone lighter - I am already over a third of the way there. I want a family photo which I can look at and actually like my appearance. So far it has been hard work but I am sticking at it and I can start to see the results. In another 8/9 weeks I am really hoping that the camera will be able to see it to.