Further to my last post I have spent some more time thinking about what is in a name?
My name was given to be by my parents. I guess it was chosen with great care. But does it define me? Adopted children today tend to keep their names when they are adopted as their name is a link to their past, their roots and their identities. I keep wondering if it is really the best thing for adopted children. Social workers seems to believe so but looking back it used to be normal to change a child's name on adoption. I guess it all depends and I know that in some situations and circumstances names have to be changed but as far as I am aware these are in the rarest of cases and so not something I expect to have direct involvement of. I am disappointed that I will be unable to choose my children's names but I have come to terms with this.
Some people have made the comparison between this and the adopting of a pet - a dog or a cat and how many families will change their names when they come home. I have always tried to keep animals names although only one has ever come to me already named properly (Marmite, one of my current cats). I figured that he already knew his name so it would confuse him to change it. I know you can make parallels between animals and children but changing a child's name would confuse it terribly and probably without due cause.
The article that I linked to in my last post went into names being an indicator of class and how middle class parents don't want to adopt children with names that are not considered 'middle class'. I really do hope this is a pile of rubbish. If a child comes to us with the name Chelsea, Chardonnay or Crystal (with whatever spelling) I would never dream of rejecting them as this name does not define them, it is not the person they are or the person they will be it is just a label (that the child may one day choose to change).
The thing that seems to be repeated time and time again in that the name is a link to identity. I have never really had the need to question my identity but I feel that I need to try as my children will have this to face. My identity is the sum of my experiences - the people and events that have touched my life as well as influence me. So where does my name fit? It is the label that is stamped on me and when some one asks 'who is Victoria' the answer is the given in the terms of experiences?
No matter what occurs, I am Victoria and that is who I am. It is not what I am. As long as my children are proud to stand up, state their name and their pride in the person that they are I will be happy.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've never really liked the idea of changing a child's name just to suit the parent. There's is a Court Order to say my daughter has to have a new name when she is placed with us. I understand the reasons why, and I have to be honest and say that once I realised that it really did need to happen, I did take some pleasure in choosing a name for her, but even aside from how confusing it is for her at the moment, I am worried about how to explain to her when she's older that she once had a different name, and having to explain the reasons why the change was needed. Even aside from any identity issues I'm sure she'll find it very upsetting.
ReplyDeleteHer foster carer has been slowly introducing the new name over the last few weeks and we've been told to use the new name only when we meet her, but her foster carer has told us she's finding it quite confusing.
I just hope I can find a way to make it make sense when she's older.