Our Anniversary

I have many anniversaries in my life from birthdays to weddings, Christmas, Easter and most are happy occasions.


Today is a sad day. Today is the anniversary of confirmation that our baby was not to be. It is the day that, one year ago, I was told over the telephone by the hospital that my baby was not viable. It is the anniversary of the destruction of all my hopes and dreams. It is also the anniversary of the start of one of the darkest times of my life.


Last week was the national Wave of Light in remembrance of baby loss and on that evening I, like many hundreds of other, lit a candle and remembered. Today I will do the same thing. Today I will allow myself the tears of grief and I will also remember how happy I was to think that I could been a mum, that I could make my husband a dad and that we could have been good parents. Today I will reflect on the changes that this has brought - the acceptance that children will not be ours by birth but by adoption and that this does not mean we will be any less as parents. It just means that we might have a harder road to walk than most to get there.


As I look back at the days that followed that dreadful phone call I remember the family members and friends that were there for me and those who have remained there since. I mourn the loss of those that were, for whatever reason, not able to be there for us but have to conclude that I am blessed with the friends that I consider close.