Disicpline

Discipline was something that came up at at our last appointment in terms of how I was disciplined as a child and how I plan to do this with children of my own. It got me thinking about all the different theories and methods and what the mean, what they entailed and how they need to be carried out. So far I have concluded that consistency is key - what ever we decide needs to be consistent for both of us as well as other 'care givers' and then consistent across all behaviours.

I am a firm believer that boundaries need to be set and need to remain the same as well as the consequences of unacceptable behaviour are clearly set down. I am also a realist and I know that my children will not be perfect.

Many parents use a 'time out' or 'naughty step' for their children and I would have said this would have been a good thing to use but, as rightly pointed out, these children are attached to their parents: they have bonded properly. Our children will not have these bonds formed and for many being sat in a time out can cause problems as the child believes that you will not return. It really scares me that I could do something that for a normal birth child would be the right thing but that for an adopted child might be the end of the world.

The other thing the social worker asked about was smacking. I was smacked as a child. Always as a last resort, never in anger and I never recall being hurt when I was smacked. My memories also tell me that I did deserve the smack as the consequence for my actions. So, how do I feel about smacking? Is it something I want to do with my children? No. The short answer is I never want to be in a position when smacking is an option but is this a perfect world? No it is not and I would not hesitate to smack a child to prevent a more serious injury but I would never want to cause pain.

I guess I can't make any decisions until we know the child, until we are aware of the background, the circumstances and the situations and from there we can choose what will suit us and our children.