The homework we were set for this week was very individual - the preparation for our individual appointments. These are seperate to allow our social worker to concentrate on each of us and the experiences that are personal to us. This week is the first time I have really struggled with the task set - write something to describe Andrew (persoanlity, character traits, good things and things that frustrate or annoyt) and then to write about my childhood - my memories and experiences, my relationships with my family and how these have chnaged over time and working on from this what sort of parent I want to be.
I decided to keep my bit on Andrew to a minimum:
Andrew is a kind man with a calm outlook on life. He has always been a constant source of support even if I didn’t appreciate it at the time. His balanced and reasoned manner is the perfect contrast to my more impulsive nature He has a great sense of fun but I find his indecisiveness frustrating at times.
After that it took me a long time to get my teeth into what I wanted to put forward and even when it was submitted I was not overly happy and luckily I was able to be honest with our social worker that I have struggled. My appointment was yesterday afternoon and it has taken me a while to digest it. I did feel very alone with our Andrew sat next to me but we started well discussing my meories of childhood - the places I lived, the time spent with my parents and sister and how our relationships progressed.
I did, at points, feel like I had to justify the choices my parents had made when I was a child - why did they both work full time was something our social worker really focused on even to the extent that I got a bit defensive in that my parents were good parents - we were always well cared for, well feed, educated, well dressed and above all we were loved and we were given every opporuntity.
When we moved on to the part about what sort of parent I want to be I have to conclude that my answers were 'like my parents'. I know in an ideal world parents would be home all the time for their children but this is not an ideal work and working means I will be able to provide for my children. In my opinion it is making time really count for something and making it special. This did lead to a discussion about discipline which gave me a lot to think about.
Anway Andrew has his appointment in 2 weeks time and then we are back together for the rest of them, a good thing as it is nice to have the support as well as some one who was in the conversation to go back over it.
In other news I have finally taken the plunge and made the first purchase in what I hope to be lots of purchases in readiness for the inclusion of children in our lives - I have bought a safety pack including corner guards, drawer and cupboard catches and the much debating plug socket covers. I have also bought 3 second hand safety gates that can be used around our house. My one shop based purchase was somewhat spoiled by the snotty shop assistant who gave me a few pointed looks (yes, you can look at my middle all you want, I am not pregnant and if your scowl indicates a 'is it too early to purchase these as you aren't showing yet' don't be so close minded or judgemental) but I made the choice to smile and leave the shop with my purchase feeling like I have made another tiny step towards a day I can only dream about.
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