Report Complete

Our PAR (Prospective Adopters Report) is complete.

Submitted yesterday it is absolutely huge, a complete epic. Over 100 pages of information about us, our relationships, our histories, our lives and our potential future. It also includes our family trees, support maps, financial assessments, preparation course report, second opinion visit report and our comments. The only bit we don't get to see if the references people have written and the report of the reference visits that were undertaken.

The best bits are how accurate a reflection it is of us both as individuals and as a couple as well as how much of our homework assignments have been included as direct quotes. I am really hoping it makes us more than just a report for the panel who must see lots of them. Plus moving forwards this is the report that the social workers for prospective children will see.

It feels so very strange to write that as it feels like we have been waiting forever for it. I know that is an over reaction as really it has only been 12 weeks since our last visit - the 24 May. Wow, that is longer than I thought. This wait has been frustrating especially knowing that other couples are ahead of us and that is just down to how organised their social worker is. Regardless we are here now, our social worker's manager is happy with the report and it has been submitted. Now the wait is for the panel.

2 weeks and 3 days . . . . .

Weddings: part 2

Last weekend saw the second of the wedding we have been invited to this year and it was a real family affair, children all over the place, enjoying themselves and generally adding to the day. It reminded me that I want to be able to take my children to events like this.

The bride and groom were stunning, it was wonderful to seem them so happy and for the day to have been everything they every wanted. It was also a day that they managed to keep very personal to them which made it even better. 

I also spent the remainder of the weekend with my parents, my aunt and uncle and their 4 year old Granddaughter. This included making cake (and decorating not only it but also my Mum’s kitchen and myself with it) and a trip to the zoo. If I enjoyed spending the day in Ikea with her then I really enjoyed the weekend as it reminds me of not only the joy that children can bring but also how much energy I am going to need in order to keep up.

We are still waiting for our approval panel – still another 3 weeks but I keep telling myself that we are still a lot nearer that we ever have been and with any luck these next 3 weeks will fly past. It helps that we have plenty planned including  a camping trip and a Christening.

In other news the first couple from our preparation course have been to their approval panel and are approved and waiting to be matched which is fabulous news and I wish them all the very best. The next couple is due before panel today and I have every crossed for them and then it will be our turn. The last couple will go a few weeks after us. Sadly of the 7 couples we are the only ones that remain.

2nd Opinion Visit

Today was the next visit, it seems such a long time since we have seen a social worker but the nerves were back and the hoover was out in plenty of time. Today’s visit was a different social worker. Her task was to take the report already written by our social worker and make sure it was an accurate reflection of us.

For me it was an exciting visit as it should have confirmed that the report was finished (with the exception of her comments). Sadly the report, although an epic already in excess of 100 pages is still under construction with bits and pieces that need to be completed and included before the deadline of 20 August.

We got our copy of this first draft yesterday and it was a mammoth task to read it and make sure the details were correct. Happily, with the exception of a couple of little errors it was all correct and it really was an accurate reflection of us and our lives. It was also lovely to see paragraphs taken from the home work assignments we completed over the home study assessment as they were our thoughts and feelings in our own words.

One paragraph that we wrote was this one:

“Adoption means a lot to us – firstly because it gives us the chance to be parents, to provide for children and in turn watch them grow and achieve their full potential, whatever that might be. We are also a little in awe of the fact that we will have been through a rigorous assessment process and from that, deemed suitable to be parents. It is so very different from deciding to have a baby ‘naturally’ in that any one can do that. We have made the active choice to be parents, to be parents to special children and have made the effort to go through a gruelling process to do so. We entered into adoption in a very selfish way, we wanted children, we wanted to complete our family and we saw all the good things we could give to a child in the terms of basic needs, a good lifestyle and a better future. This process has shown us that our focus needs to be on the children, regardless of what we want or need: they have to come first in all things”.

I feel like this says it all.
Back to this visit - 2 and a half hours later, a lot of questions and another tour of the house and garden and this social worker left happy with the report, happy with our answers and happy to support us moving forwards.

What it does mean is that we are still on for the approval panel in September as our completed report had to be submitted 2 weeks prior - the next deadline being the 20 August.

Difficult Questions

Our report is almost written and later this week we have our second opinion visit but today I received an email from our social worker asking questions that I never thought I would have to answer.

What provision will be made for the children in the event that my husband and I separate or if we were to die?

I never thought we would have to decide these things before children were even a part of our lives but I guess we need to prove to social services that not only we are serious but that we have the children at the heart or every choice we make - that and the provision for their care should the very worst happen.

Answering these questions today has reminded me how unsure the future is. We have no plans to separate. We have no plans not to live to a ripe old age. But no one knows what is around the next corner. It does make me wonder how many people who have birth children ask and answer these questions first.


In other news I spent Sunday in Ikea with my mum, my aunt and my cousin's 3 year old daughter. It was a lovely reminder of the rewards that children come with, one day I hope to take my children to Ikea to play on the toys and to tell them off for putting random items in the trolleys of anyone and everyone passing by.