Contact

Something that I had never really thought about when we started down the adoption road but have had to think a lot about since as been contact. That is the contact that our children will have with their birth families. Whilst closed adoptions used to be the norm and still occur today there are more open adoptions where children retain some form of contact with members of their birth families either directly in person or indirectly through letters and other such written communications.

Our children have some indirect contact, the details of which are still being ironed out but they do have one direct contact, their older brother. Oldest small lived with him until he was nearly 3 and they have had contact ever since they were separated. Over the last few weeks we have been asked when we were going to see the older brother so we followed this with a discussion with their social worker and arranged it.

We met in a local indoor play centre and it was a joy to see how pleased the boys were to see each other. They were off like rockets - chatting and climbing as well as encouraging each other to mischief. I could really see why they were separated and placed in different foster placements. It was amazing to see how alike the 2 boys were despite not having lived together in over a year as well as how well they got along - almost like they had never been apart. I was expecting more reservation as it has been some months since they have seen each other.

What surprised me a little was the lack of relationship between our little girl and her oldest brother. To be honest, there wasn't one. He wasn't interested in her and although she tried to play with him I think it was more because her brother was and not because she had any attachment to him. She continued to play happier with my husband and I rather than trying to following the boys. I was a little relieved as she is not big enough or quick enough for that level of rough and tumble.

As for me a part of me feels so guilty - guilty that we can't take this little boy on and keep him with his siblings. I know in my heart we can't. Our home isn't big enough and we have our hands full with the 2 we have, another child, especially one with additional needs, would be too much for us to cope with and every one would suffer. But it breaks my heart that such a lovely little boy has no forever home and could face more and more moves as well as the very real possibility of long term foster care.

My heart goes out to all those children looking for their forever homes and I pray that they can all find it.