Today was our Celebrations Hearing at court. We got all dressed up and headed off in plenty of time and we were delighted to meet the 2 social workers who had worked with us through the process at the doors and they had brought the children a balloon each - Monsters for oldest and Princesses for smallest. The love them. After a short wait we were shown into a proper court room and the greeted a 'real judge' with a wig and everything.
The children were presented with certificates and invited to sit in the big chair as well as trying the wig on. They loved it and so did we. We have some nice photos to remember the day which we will always treasure.
The rest of the day included he arrival of one set of grandparents, a special lunch out at a local Chinese restaurant, the children ate so much I have no idea where they put it all! After that it was home to enjoy the sunshine and the garden before ending the day well with lots of cuddles all round. We also received an early christening gift of some amazing Hunter wellington boots and socks from some good friends - I am almost ready for terrible weather so they can wear them.
It does feel like a fitting end to the adoption process. I know that legally they have been adopted for a little while now but that felt like normal day and today felt a lot more special as it was actually about them and included them. I know that life continues as normal but today was special and always will be.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
Fostering to Adopt
This is a new concept that the government seem to be really keen on at the moment and until attending the focus group last week it wasn't really something I had given much thought.
I had originally thought it referred to existing foster carers and a way to make adopting a children already in their care easier (something that I feel would have great merit and be of great benefit to the children and the carers) and it turns out I am sot of wrong. It is a lot more than that and I am still struggling to get my head around how it can be implemented. At the end of it all it looks good for the children but not for always the 'parents' which can't be a good thing.
I was asked the question: would I foster a child on the off chance that I might be able to adopt that child? My response was no. I would not take the risk that the child was removed from me and placed elsewhere which is the biggest risk of the fostering to adopt scheme.
I should add, foster carers have my utmost respect. They have to bond with the children in their care at all times knowing that they will be moved onwards and that saying goodbye is one of the main reasons fostering was not an option for me. Saying goodbye to a child I loved, to a child that I was attached to and emotionally involved with would be too much for me.
I had originally thought it referred to existing foster carers and a way to make adopting a children already in their care easier (something that I feel would have great merit and be of great benefit to the children and the carers) and it turns out I am sot of wrong. It is a lot more than that and I am still struggling to get my head around how it can be implemented. At the end of it all it looks good for the children but not for always the 'parents' which can't be a good thing.
I was asked the question: would I foster a child on the off chance that I might be able to adopt that child? My response was no. I would not take the risk that the child was removed from me and placed elsewhere which is the biggest risk of the fostering to adopt scheme.
I should add, foster carers have my utmost respect. They have to bond with the children in their care at all times knowing that they will be moved onwards and that saying goodbye is one of the main reasons fostering was not an option for me. Saying goodbye to a child I loved, to a child that I was attached to and emotionally involved with would be too much for me.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Strangers in the Night
Or on a train. Or anywhere.
How do you approach them?
This week I have been making an effort to sort the necessary contact bits for the children. Mainly putting into place another direct with their older brother but also starting a relationship with oldest's paternal half sister's adoptive parents. Wow, that is confusing to me and I know the relationship. So oldest's birth father has a little girl who was adopted earlier this year and we need to establish indirect contact with her parents.
How? I am struggling. The contact is via email. It doesn't need to be monitored by social services so we are have been passed an email address and told to get on with it. I have no idea if they are expecting my email or how they feel about indirect contact with us. In my mind I am not sure what oldest will gain. He has never met this little girl nor will he know her as his sister but he might want to in the future which suggests to me that a 'pen pal' type relationship built over years might be the way forward.
But it leaves me with a dilemma, how much information should I share? How much do I want to share and how much do I want to know about them? I have kept my email devoid of specifics to a certain extend as it seemed like the best way to write it. I have also kept it pretty short. We have not been given any advice as to how frequently we should email each other- the agreement we signed states ad hoc.
My last question of my first email to them was to ask them what they wanted from contact. It might be that they don't want contact at all, I don't know them or their little girl.
I will now await a response.
How do you approach them?
This week I have been making an effort to sort the necessary contact bits for the children. Mainly putting into place another direct with their older brother but also starting a relationship with oldest's paternal half sister's adoptive parents. Wow, that is confusing to me and I know the relationship. So oldest's birth father has a little girl who was adopted earlier this year and we need to establish indirect contact with her parents.
How? I am struggling. The contact is via email. It doesn't need to be monitored by social services so we are have been passed an email address and told to get on with it. I have no idea if they are expecting my email or how they feel about indirect contact with us. In my mind I am not sure what oldest will gain. He has never met this little girl nor will he know her as his sister but he might want to in the future which suggests to me that a 'pen pal' type relationship built over years might be the way forward.
But it leaves me with a dilemma, how much information should I share? How much do I want to share and how much do I want to know about them? I have kept my email devoid of specifics to a certain extend as it seemed like the best way to write it. I have also kept it pretty short. We have not been given any advice as to how frequently we should email each other- the agreement we signed states ad hoc.
My last question of my first email to them was to ask them what they wanted from contact. It might be that they don't want contact at all, I don't know them or their little girl.
I will now await a response.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Future Improvements
I have been privileged to have been invited to sit on a panel of adopters and those preparing to adopt through the same adoption agency as part of their focus group which will then feed into their audit. I was really surprised to get the invitation especially as it is just a very small group of people.
Today I attended, it was a small group with very different people who have all adopted children at different ages and with different needs but we shared one thing - the system we went through to get to where we are today. It was refreshing to be able to be positive about the good points, constructively critical of the parts that we not so good and to realise that some of the negative parts were shared by other people and with any luck this audit will mean improvements for others going through the process.
My over riding memory of today will be the auditor. An external contractor but one who shared her story with us. It was so similar to my own until one point. She decided not to go ahead with the adoption assessment half way through. At the of the session she commended us for our dedication to the children and, more privately, she advised me that our story (which she has seem from our files) had really touched her as it started so similar to her own.
I can't end at that as we have had a great return to school, potty training for smallest has been a great success and she has decided that she can manage at night without nappies and so far, so good. Today we have also returned to the hairdressers - the first time I have taken them both at the same time, on my own and they were amazingly behaved. It makes me wonder what else I am putting off because I think I can't cope when actually I can. It reminds me that I need to have more faith in them and myself.
Today I attended, it was a small group with very different people who have all adopted children at different ages and with different needs but we shared one thing - the system we went through to get to where we are today. It was refreshing to be able to be positive about the good points, constructively critical of the parts that we not so good and to realise that some of the negative parts were shared by other people and with any luck this audit will mean improvements for others going through the process.
My over riding memory of today will be the auditor. An external contractor but one who shared her story with us. It was so similar to my own until one point. She decided not to go ahead with the adoption assessment half way through. At the of the session she commended us for our dedication to the children and, more privately, she advised me that our story (which she has seem from our files) had really touched her as it started so similar to her own.
I can't end at that as we have had a great return to school, potty training for smallest has been a great success and she has decided that she can manage at night without nappies and so far, so good. Today we have also returned to the hairdressers - the first time I have taken them both at the same time, on my own and they were amazingly behaved. It makes me wonder what else I am putting off because I think I can't cope when actually I can. It reminds me that I need to have more faith in them and myself.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Back to School.
I have missed school.
The summer holidays have been 6 weeks long. We have done so fun things, been some lovely places and I have tried to enjoy every second but I am glad that school has re-started. It gives the children so much from stimulation to socialisation to their independence but it also gives me something. Time.
They went back at the end of last week and both children have slightly increased hours. We decided we wanted to increase them gradually in preparation for my return to work as well as in preparation for school - oldest goes in exactly 12 months time and I don't want it be to a massive shock to his system and my theory is that my increasing his hours over the next 3 terms with pre school will help. Today was the day I got a proper look around at the differences between this term and last. Oldest is in a class with the older children and it is much more structured which has to be good preparation for school.
The biggest difference has been for smallest. She is no longer the tiny child in a class full of those older than her. She is one of the biggest and, because she was there last term and all the other children are new to pre school, she is one of the most confident. It is lovely to see and based on how well she is doing I am hopeful that in the new year she might be happy to do a full day in school instead of just mornings as she does at the moment.
In other news we went on our final camping expedition last weekend. It was another re-enactment event but a slightly different one for us as all year we have been lucky with support from my mum who as helped us look after them and allowed us a little freedom to take part. This weekend she was busy so we had a plan that involved me taking time out to spend time with them and see how it all went. All I can say is that I was reminded that I am blessed with my friends, all of whom have been so supportive and watching the children interact with them brought me so much joy. It reminded me of the differences in them since they came to live with us - mainly in confidence but also in their ability to communicate and play.
But back to my point, my time, I have had 2 mornings to myself and whilst I have loved every second I have been able to collect the children having missed their company and in a better mood to really concentrate on playing with them and not the multitude of jobs that always seem to need doing.
The summer holidays have been 6 weeks long. We have done so fun things, been some lovely places and I have tried to enjoy every second but I am glad that school has re-started. It gives the children so much from stimulation to socialisation to their independence but it also gives me something. Time.
They went back at the end of last week and both children have slightly increased hours. We decided we wanted to increase them gradually in preparation for my return to work as well as in preparation for school - oldest goes in exactly 12 months time and I don't want it be to a massive shock to his system and my theory is that my increasing his hours over the next 3 terms with pre school will help. Today was the day I got a proper look around at the differences between this term and last. Oldest is in a class with the older children and it is much more structured which has to be good preparation for school.
The biggest difference has been for smallest. She is no longer the tiny child in a class full of those older than her. She is one of the biggest and, because she was there last term and all the other children are new to pre school, she is one of the most confident. It is lovely to see and based on how well she is doing I am hopeful that in the new year she might be happy to do a full day in school instead of just mornings as she does at the moment.
In other news we went on our final camping expedition last weekend. It was another re-enactment event but a slightly different one for us as all year we have been lucky with support from my mum who as helped us look after them and allowed us a little freedom to take part. This weekend she was busy so we had a plan that involved me taking time out to spend time with them and see how it all went. All I can say is that I was reminded that I am blessed with my friends, all of whom have been so supportive and watching the children interact with them brought me so much joy. It reminded me of the differences in them since they came to live with us - mainly in confidence but also in their ability to communicate and play.
But back to my point, my time, I have had 2 mornings to myself and whilst I have loved every second I have been able to collect the children having missed their company and in a better mood to really concentrate on playing with them and not the multitude of jobs that always seem to need doing.
Birthdays - Round 2
Finally, after much waiting it was oldest small's birthday. He has been waiting since he moved in with us to have his birthday and I think it is, in his mind, a test to see how we perform against his previous experiences. We have tried our best.
His actual birthday was during a camping weekend and a big fuss was made as one set of grandparents were there as was one aunt and that meant he got some cards and presents plus we had cake, singing and the bumps. As we were a long way from home we decided to wait until we got home before having a proper birthday for him - presents, another cake and a friend round to play with a picnic tea.
It brought me such joy to see his face light up when he saw his bike and even more so when we got it outside for a ride (despite being still in pyjamas!) The one downside of the day was a wasp sting - right on the end of a finger whilst using his bike but after a lot of TLC and some magic cream he was brave enough to get back in the saddle.
I am looking forward to more birthdays, especially the setting of traditions and one day I would love to do another first, a proper birthday party with kids running riot all over the place but I might wait a couple of years before I am brave enough to try that.
His actual birthday was during a camping weekend and a big fuss was made as one set of grandparents were there as was one aunt and that meant he got some cards and presents plus we had cake, singing and the bumps. As we were a long way from home we decided to wait until we got home before having a proper birthday for him - presents, another cake and a friend round to play with a picnic tea.
It brought me such joy to see his face light up when he saw his bike and even more so when we got it outside for a ride (despite being still in pyjamas!) The one downside of the day was a wasp sting - right on the end of a finger whilst using his bike but after a lot of TLC and some magic cream he was brave enough to get back in the saddle.
I am looking forward to more birthdays, especially the setting of traditions and one day I would love to do another first, a proper birthday party with kids running riot all over the place but I might wait a couple of years before I am brave enough to try that.
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