Breakfast club

The starting of school is a massive thing for any child. I knew oldest would be exactly the same as any other child when it came to that first day.

We have worked hard to prepare him for the change, knowing that changes do unsettle him and that his behaviour declines because of it. The pre school were brilliant as the new class teacher visited and the children visited their new classroom and school. The school allowed him extra time and even a school meal so he could grasp the concept that a meal would be there for him without him needing to take a lunch box with him.

So, last Thursday Daddy took him to school - resplendent in his shiny new uniform and smart black shoes. He looked so much older than his 5 years which is scary as I know he is the oldest child in his class. He was amazing. He settled into his class with no fuss, no messy and he came home exhausted but full of everything he had done and looking forward to the next day.

Today was a completely different kettle of fish. Today was my turn. Which meant breakfast club. We don't have much choice about breakfast club as it means I can get to work on time (after taking smallest to pre school) so this morning we got ready and headed out of the door. He was already unsettled. He knows that the mornings I drop them off I do so early - they were both used to going to kids club at pre school. I explained that he was having breakfast at school but I don't think he was prepared for the fact that lots of other children use breakfast club and they were all bigger than him.

He was quiet when we went in. He met the support worker in charge and paid his money. He was impressed that the cereals and juice were all laid out - seeing it reassures him that he can have it. The crunch was when I tried to say goodbye and leave. Meltdown. Pure and simple panic at being left, in a different room, with different staff and children. The staff were brilliant, even his teacher came out of the classroom to support him but I had to leave him as he was screaming for me not to leave him and to be taken home and trying to escape out of the gate. My heart broke and I cried all the way to pre school. I dropped smallest off and when asked if I was all right I burst into tears again, I even cried all the way to work. I felt like the evilest of people for leaving him.

Later on in the morning I did call school and was reassured that he was ok, he had calmed down quickly and eaten a mountain of breakfast. He had a good day at school in the end. We talked this evening about how scary it was, how it wasn't as scary as he thought it was going to be and how he needs to go sometimes, but not all the time, and how sometimes his friends will be there as their parents also work and need to drop their children off early.

Tomorrow is the big test as I have to do it all over again.

No mascara for me.