Keeping Up.

I decided a long time ago that I was not happy in my own skin. I feel 'big'. There is no other way to put it, just 'big'. I also don't want to be the fat mum that can' do everything with her kids. I haven't struggled yet but they are getting faster and faster every day and I can see a day when I do struggle. And I don't want to.

So, earlier this week I decided to take the plunge, be really firm with myself and start a new diet. A serious diet. One of meal replacements rather than me weighing and measuring and removing an element of choice. I can still choice amongst the meals packs that I have - various soups, bars and actual meals from pancakes to carbonara to spag bol. Most are reasonably tasty (with a little salt, pepper or similar seasoning) and portions are not bad either. I have avoided the shakes, I have a mild lactose intolerance and I decided not to risk it.

I have completed day 6 today and I am starting to feel better. My headache has gone, I am not struggling for energy and so far I have not been completely distracted by hunger. What I have not done is weighed myself. The weekly weigh in is a feature in my worst nightmare and I have decided to be kinder to myself and go on my clothes. I would like to drop at least 2 dresses. A 3rd would be my stretch target.

The struggle now is not eating with my family. It is hard when the children eat between 4.30 and 5.00 as usually I am on my way home from work at this time so I enjoyed the weekends for proper family meals however it is hard to explain why I am eating different things, to explain to them that Mummy wants to loose weight - the last thing I would dream of doing is making them self conscious about their own appearances. I have tried: when I have soup for lunch so do they, they don't realise it comes from a different packet. When I have a pancake for breakfast I make them pancakes. 

All I can do is stay focused and hope that this is the time that it works.