A Special Treat

Some years ago I sat and watched an advert on the TV. At that time the prospect of having children was at the forefront of my mind but it was birth children that were still my dream. I saw that advert and I promised myself that I would take my children. Roll forward some years and the past is different to the future that I had in mind that day but the aspiration remained. Last weekend I took them to see Disney on Ice.

It was amazing. 2 hours, with an interval of singing, skating and laughter. We saw Cars driving about on the ice, the cast of Frozen skating in the snow and the Little Mermaid surrounded by bubbles plus, my personal favourite, Mickey and Minnie Mouse comparing the whole thing. I could have cried with joy watching the amazement on their faces as the whole things presented itself before them and my feeling mean for saying no to the concession stands melted away.

I have to point out that I am usually one for reasonable treats when it comes to special occasions but the pricing of all the merchandise and Disney labelled confectionary meant that we had sweets that I took with me and portions of chips from the normal concession stand. My only exception was a programme which came with a pair of Mickey Mouse ears which I wore for the afternoon to prevent arguments.

But it was an amazing experience and one that I was happy to be able to share with my children. Plus I get to keep my Mickey Mouse ears and wear them around the house as much as I like

It's the most wonderful time of the year . . . .

Christmas is all about children.
We are only buying gifts for the children.

It was said so many times before there were children in my world and it sounded like common sense. When it came to the time that we wanted children but there were none they were some of the cruellest words I heard. As we gear up towards the season for being jolly I am reminded that, for many who are still waiting for children to enjoy Christmas with, this is still a very painful time of year where the void is even more pronounced. I try to be sensitive to people around me, I know that I don't always succeed but I do try. I offer to them an apology if I do cause pain but also a prayer of hope that the void can filled for future Christmases.

In our house we do have to be careful at this time of year for another reason. Our children are very aware of the time of year and very aware that, in their short lives, 2 of their biggest moves occurred after Christmas. Despite reassurance we see in their behaviour that there is a deep rooted concern that it will happen again. I has tarnished the previous 2 years as we try to keep things low key and without to much change to routine (always cue for unsettled behaviours) but school don't help as classes are changed to make room for performances and their rehearsals, there are parties, trips to see Father Christmas and the Christmas lights plus visits and visitors and the house is different with the tree and the decorations. Put into context it is enough to unsettle even the most settled of souls never mind children like mine.

It is hard to get my head around the fact that there is still a degree of uncertainty about the permanence of their place with us. For me, they were permanent the moment I met them but I am the adult and therefore in a position of 'knowing'.


But I am not 4 or even 6 years old with multiple moves already under my belt.

Crisis Management

Last week we had a crisis. A water leaking emersion tank crisis which meant the carpet in oldest's bedroom was wet, as was the base of his bed and to dry it all out he couldn't sleep in there. A sigh of relief when we remember that youngest now has a bunk bed so we cleared the toys, set up his pillow and duvet and prayed that they would sleep ok in the same room whilst we got on with finding and fixing the leak whilst everything else dried out.

It seemed to ok. Half an hour between bed times meant that youngest was asleep and none of oldest's antics woke her (getting out of bed, collecting toys etc) but they mornings were fun as they took it in turn to wake each other.

Then came the real crisis. He had to go back into his own bedroom.
We moved the bed back. he helped me put all his books and clothes away. I made a fuss of making his bed with clean sheets and making sure all his toys were where he wanted them to bed. Then, half an hour after youngest went to bed, we declared bed time and the bad mood turned from grumpy to full blown despair. He did not want to go back into his room and sleep on his own. The screaming tantrum lasted nearly 45 minutes and took both of us taking it in turns trying to calm him down. he did not want to sleep on his own, he did not want us to turn the hall light off (something we do because otherwise he gets up, pushes his door full open and plays using this light), he did not want us to pull his door to (again something we do the noise from us doesn't disturb him - we never close the door fully).  I am not proud to say that eventually we threatened him with the removal of privileges before he would finally calm down enough to listen to us and be calmed down. 


Once again , this weekend, we started out well only for a complete meltdown over a spoon with the resulting tantrum including a room trashing session. I love my son dearly but his anger, often directed towards myself or his sister, is so destructive and we struggle to know how to manage it.


We do have a request for some support via the Adoption Support Fund but these things take time, time that I don't want to wait for because I want to help him now.

A New Role

I am exceptionally excited to have been offered and accepted the position of Adopter Voice Champion with Adoption UK for the Lincolnshire area.

I am hoping that in this position I can interact with more adoptive parents (face to face and online), understand the issues that they face and hopefully work with the charity to push forward improvements for parents who had already adopted and those who will adopt in the future. In all this I want to make the lives of children better - even if my work only helps a single child it will be worth the effort.

The adoption process has already improved dramatically since we went through it - the reports are more streamlined and the courses are interspersed with the formal training days. The panels are smaller and, I hope, less daunting but whilst all these improvements for parents are in place the emphasis is still on the children and making sure that they are safe and with the right parents at the end of the day. All the media attention of the issues have to help and with any luck the right steps are being taken.

There is a lot in the system to support children who have backgrounds and histories that include the care system. Pupil premium plus, an allowance that schools can request, is available for all these children but it is stills with the school as to how they want to spend it. Many younger children are benefitting from the 2 year old funding for pre school provisions - I know that my daughter did and that her being in a pre school allowed me to have more one to one time with my son and thus benefitted him as well. Post adoption support is something that I am struggling to work with at the moment, it is not as good as I was expecting it to be.


I have already been to meet some of the Lincolnshire team, we didn't adopt through this agency and so they are all new faces to me and I was encouraged by how positive they were about the improvements that this process could bring and I am waiting to find out when the first face to face forums will take.  


This weekend I am off on my first training day and I can't wait.

Out of this World

It is great that the kids bring homework projects from school for the holiday - there is always an opportunity for something really creative and fun. This half term oldest brought his work sheet home, it said 'Out of this World'. "I want to make a rocket". Not a space station or a solar system or anything else. A rocket.

Ok, we can do this. After a couple of days with Grandparents whilst we collected supplies it was time for oldest and his dad (youngest helping) to make this rocket. His dad had collected cardboard tubing from a local carpet shop - yep a carpet shop. Thus the tubing must have been at least 8 foot long. He had 2 of them. When I asked him how big it was going to be the answer was no bigger than oldest. I was ok with that, He lied.

I got home from work to be presented with not one, but two rockets. Neither of them the size of oldest or smaller. The first, resourced and researched and modelled on a Russian rocket was sat, 5 foot tall and looking magnificent. The second, i was told, was a 2-stage rocket and so in 2 pieces. Both pieces 5 foot in height - when outside the smaller firsts inside the other and this too was covered and paper machie drying and ready for painting.

My first thought was ' how I am going to get them into school?'

The next night I got home to see the painting version. WOW!


The I had to get it into school. I had to use the larger of our 2 cars and got some serious looks as I carried one under my arm, had oldest carrying one of his shoulder and helped youngest manage the third. I was glad it wasn't raining. They went straight into the classroom and the teacher's look was one of pure horror - I am not sure she expected anything as 'big'. Even the year 2 teacher came for a look.


What I don't want is them back at the end of term. I am not sure that I will be that lucky.

Hearing Voices

This is a difficult post for me. I have been doing my best for both my children and at the moment I feel like my best really might not be good enough.

My oldest is hearing voices. Voices that are telling him to do naughty, destructive and dangerous things. These voices told him to knock the house down with a hammer. To pull his wallpaper off his wall. He has been caught leaning out of his bedroom window (it is locked closed now). He knows that these things are wrong, I think the voices scare him and I have no idea how to help him. At the moment we are in the place where he will tell me when the voices are saying things to me so we can talk about what they are saying and hopefully stop him from acting on it.

I have emailed social services and told them we need support - quickly and without having to mess about waiting. I doubt that my quickly and their quickly are the same thing and I am also worried that the help will be just for my husband and I. We might have to fight to get them to talk directly with oldest. It is a fight that I will enter into without hesitation.

In the meantime, in the hope that anything was better than nothing, I asked oldest about this voice - I was amazed by the level of detail he went into. An old man, always cross and rude with one blue eye and one red eye and with grey hair. He described his arms and hands. The man even has a name. He was so sure that he drew me a picture and we then locked it in an empty drawer. In the mind of a child if the man is in the drawer he can't also be in his head. We shall see if it helps.

Organised Activities

Now that the smalls are really settled into school we are once again looking for organised activities for them to enjoy way from school. As a youngster I enjoyed loads from Brownies/ Guides, ballet, swimming, hockey and trampolining.

I have oldest's name down for Beavers as soon as there is a place for him. I am hoping the variety of activities will stop him getting bored plus the chance of camping is always a motivation. Youngest has started a gymnastics class after school which she seems to be enjoying, For the last 2 weekends I have taken them to rugby. The original plan was for oldest to have a go and see what he thought. In the end both children got stuck in, participated and had a blast and so we are planning to let them both go. I had hoped it would teach oldest about being part of a team, working together and maybe a little patience. I am still hopeful as the coaching staff seemed very good and, after a full hour of running about, they were both shattered, covered in mud but happy and begging to go again.

What I don't want to do it over fill the week - school is exhausting as it is. Oldest has more homework since he started year 1 and we have reading books to do every day. I would also like to try and get swimming back in as this was during the rugby slot. It might be something I try as an afters school activity but this means swimming after work for me and I am not sure and Saturdays are already pretty full. Might have to be something we do at half terms more often. I sometimes wish my working week was 1 day less and my weekend lasted an extra day but I have to work with what I have got.

In other news the last round of contact letters has gone in and I have been offered a voluntary position with Adoption UK after which I am exceptionally excited.