Christmas Time (let the countdown begin)

Mistletoe and wine . . .

Maybe not. But it has been a nice one, seeing family, eating and drinking far too much and presents as well. The best present for us this year came in the form of email.

The first was an email from our social worker to confirm that the ratification letter from the agency decision maker had confirmed our matching approval.

The second was a pile of photos. Photos of our children that I can keep.

It has to be the best Christmas present I have ever had.

Just 13 days left until we meet them.

Matching Panel – The Aftermath

After the excitement that was yesterday I thought a calmer head might be a good idea before I collected my thoughts and got something down for prosperity.

We arrived in plenty of time – 20 minutes early but as we waiting with our social working we were advised of a fire alarm and evacuation to take place as we were supposed to start so the plan was to complete the drill and then get started. The nerves were something – it is very rare that I am so nervous that I fear a repeat of my breakfast. By the time we went in, I have to confess, I was sweating buckets. The panel was a slightly different make up to the last time and the atmosphere was so different – so much friendlier and less intimidating and the questioning was so much better as well.

We were asked about our re-enactment hobby and our finances but only very briefly. The focus remained on why these children, what had attracted us to them, how we planned to parent them, to manage their medical needs, to manage contact arrangements in the future and to promote secure attachments and a positive and stress free transition from the foster carers. It was such a positive experience in comparison to our approval panel. Looking back all this felt like it took only minutes but in true is lasted about an hour before we were asked to leave and our social worker and the children’s social worker were asked to remain behind for a few more questions. Whereas last time that had lasted nearly another hour this time is was only 20 minutes and they all came out with beaming smiles to tell us that the decision to support our match had been unanimous.

My heart soared and it was all I could do not to burst into tears. The feedback was all positive, there were no concerns but rather lots of advice with reference to seeking support and a wish for us to keep them updated in the future. I had said to Andrew before we went in that I never wanted to go back but for an experience like that I would go back tomorrow (well, maybe not tomorrow but sometime in the future). They also offered some lovely comments about the family booked we prepared and handed over so the foster carers can introduce us to our children (saying that still makes me shiver – they are going to be our children!) after the stress and hype of Christmas is past.

The rest of the day was a blur – lunch at the golden arches, a few shops and an afternoon relaxing followed by a lovely meal at a local Chinese restaurant with Andrew’s parents. As this involved driving we saved our celebratory bottle of champagne for Tuesday evening at home – it was a wedding gift and we had been waiting for an occasion special enough to drink it and we decided this was it.

The next step is to wait. We have to plan the 2weeks of introductions carefully but in 3 weeks time we will meet our children for the first time and 5 weeks time we will be a family of 4.

Matching Panel - The Result

They said yes!

This was such a positive experience when compare to the last time we were in front of them. The questioning was relevant, there was no fixation of our hobby and they all decided that they wanted to support our match.

To say that I am stunned is an understatement.

Roll on the New Year. 2013 will be our year.

Christmas Cards

This year I made a choice not to send Christmas cards for 2 reasons.

1)      Have you seen the price of stamps?

2)      Time – with all the paperwork we have had time was at a premium

I am still doing cards for family, mostly hand delivered by us or by someone doing the visiting thing. Instead, for everyone else, I will wish everyone a Merry Christmas in person firstly using t his blog, Facebook and in person and I will make my stamp money a donation to a charity who I am starting to work more and more with – Adoption UK.

Christmas this year feels like a strange one, we are planning for it to be our last one as a family of 2, we sorted out presents in October knowing that the plan was for placement in January which meant that December was our month to buy the things we need like car seats, bed linen, decorative bedroom bits and all the necessaries children need for eating, drinking, sleeping and generally being safe in the house. We have done this – our spare bedrooms are spare no longer but rather filled with child friendly furniture, rugs and the bits and pieces of toys and books we are collected on the way.

Last year after Christmas I made the effort to hand make cards for this year – enough cards so as I didn’t have to worry about them in case we were too busy as I like the idea of hand made cards and the effort and thought that goes into them. The nice thing is that I will have them for next year.

In other news my job is no longer at risk of redundancy which has lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. With only 3 sleeps before matching panel I couldn't have got that news at a better time.

So, wishing you a very Merry Christmas and the happiest and most prosperous of New Years.

Training Course - Part 3

The last training course was last Friday– behaviour management for the under 12s and the course I thought I would get most of on the basis of us having to manage 2 children from some time in mid January. It is a scary thought as it is not that far into the future despite me still saying it is ‘next year’. (I am glossing over the fact that is is next month!)

Before the course I recalled the talk we were given during our preparation course about behaviour management and remarks about some of the ‘super nanny’ techniques like the naughty step and time out. As a school age child I do remember being told to sit at the bottom of the stairs to think about my behaviour when I had done something naughty which is essentially a time out and the bottom of the stairs was my naughty step. The difference between me and the children I will be managing is attachment.

I had very secure attachments to my parents, I knew they were never going to leave me. I knew that they would come back for me when my time was done. When they first come to us our children will not have an attachment to us but will have to learn one and that has to take time. It is the same attachment that means a child automatically goes to a parent for comfort if there is a skinned knee or a banged head and the same attachment that allows children to find comfort from the right people and not from all with no discretion. It means that traditional methods aren't going to be the ones for us so we have be a bit more inventive.

A lot of the course centred around attachment, the different styles and what they mean is going on in a child's head and from that understanding behaviour and so being able to manage in a positive way. I came away feeling that it would be great to be able to understand our children but with an acceptable that we, like them, have a lot to learn about each other and giving time we will be ok.

So, let the countdown commence. 7 sleeps and couting. . . .

Matching Panel – Preparation

We have a confirmed date for when we go to our matching panel, for a while but until all the paperwork was updated and submitted it was not confirmed and quite frankly I was terrified it would not be in before the deadline and now it is submitted I am still terrified. This will be the same group of people whom we went in front of for our approval panel however so much more is riding on this one appointment.

The last panel were so focused on 2 elements of our lives that we have spent a great deal of time trying to answer their concerns. The first, our –re-enactment hobby was relatively easy to answer. We detailed the safety precautions in place and re-enforced as strongly as we could that our children would come first, before our hobby and we would never knowingly expose them to something that could cause them harm or distress. We offered them more references which were not taken up so hopefully we will satisfy their concerns.  

The second, our finances, was not so easy. At the end of the day they are no much different to where they were when we first saw panel in September. We earn the same, we pay out much the same although we have tried to streamline and add to savings. The other scare to add to the mix is the redundancies at work for me – I had the option to take a voluntary package (which I choose not to) and then their is a risk of compulsory redundancy and I it is horrible trying to second guess what might happen. At the end of the day I can’t, I am hoping for the best in the weeks to come.

The last thing we really have to prepare is our answers to any questions we might be asked once we get to panel and from talking to our social worker they seem straightforward enough. The one that has us stumped is:

Why these children?

I am not sure the answer 'because these are the only ones you put in front of us' works so we have to really think about it. They were the children put to us based on their matching exercises which has to say that the adoption team feel they are suitable but for me I need a better answer to give and I have less than 2 weeks to realise what it is.  

Roll on the 17^th and fingers crossed.

Planning for every eventuality.

As we feel like we have planned for every possible option for the children we are linked to we decided, in a light hearted moment, to make the following plan – just in case.

The Zombie Apocalypse Survival Plan

In the event of a zombie apocalypse we have prepared the following survival plan for the intended survival of us and our adopted children.

Our immediate safe space will be the loft in our house. It is accessed via a ladder which can be pulled back into the loft to deny access to the attacking hordes. We also plan to fix a piece of rope to the outside of the hatch in order to close this and prevent a line of sight to the children and us.

This plan makes the following presumptions:

-         Zombies are infectious if they bite or share bodily fluids with the healthy

-         Zombies are not intelligent and have limited capacity to learn

-         Zombies can only be killed if beheaded, punctured through the brain or set on fire

-         As we live in a rural area the we will have a short amount of advance notice as the Zombies will go through more populated areas first. We are also presuming that our elderly neighbours will not survive.

-         Electricity and water supply will last for a finite amount of time once the crisis begins

In the first instance our priorities will be 2 fold. One adult will ensure the children are relocated to the loft along with quiet toys (to prevent zombies locating us using noise), duvets and pillows plus a basic first aid kit and a small number of clothes. The second adult will focus on the kitchen. Supplies of food and water along with all available knives can be relocated to provide subsistence and protection for the short term and until such time as the garage can be accessed and further supplies obtained.

Our loft has 2 windows which can be used as look outs to watch for zombies moving towards us using the road and the surrounding fields. Using the windows we can access the roof in case of emergency rescue situations. They can be locked to prevent access by zombies on the roof.

We have available in the garage at all times the following survival equipment:

-         4 sleeping bags and mats/ airbeds with blankets and pillows

-         Camping gas cooking system with spare gas bottle and suitable tools

-         Swords, pole arms and other suitable ‘weapons’

-         Tools and supplies to barricade the windows and doors if necessary

Each car will be stocked with a basic survival kit which would allow for immediate survival should the house need to be evacuated. These kits will include suitable car seats for each child based on their age, height and weight. 

Supplies can be located from the following in order of distance (nearest to the house first). We will have taken the opportunity to raid empty houses within the locality first.

-         3 miles Co-op and Jet garages for food and fuel

-         Tesco and One stop 5 m miles away. There are also a number of ‘Pound Stretcher’ type shops that sell food that could be utilised 

-         Between 5 and 15 miles they are a wealth of shops of various sizes from which we can restock supplies once the more local sources have run dry

During these trips we have planned that one adult will remain with the children whilst the other under takes the gathering of supplies unless a third person comes into our refuge when this person will be the second on the gathering of supplies.

Once the infestation is cleared and the world begins anew we plan to make sure of the surrounding gardens and farms to become self sustaining whilst looking to become part of a community which supports itself without turning into a fanatically religious dictatorship or military operation. We plan to remain in our home as we have a solar powered hot water supply, bottled gas on which to cook and a multi fuel stove to heat our home and so we can survive once the electricity supply stops. We are also close enough to a natural running water supply from which we can retrieve water which can be boiled and treated before use.

This survival plan can also be adapted for us during an outbreak of an infectious disease (however an ‘all clear’ will be required before inclusion in a community is considered) and alien invasion however in the event of extreme weather the following amendments can be made:

- For a period of extreme cold the relocation space will be the lounge with the multi fuel fire. Mattresses will be used against the windows and external walls to insulate the room. All clothing will be brought from the wardrobes for use along will as much wooden furniture as possible in piece form for fuel.