Attachment

Attachment is a huge thing when you talk about adopted children and social workers really hammer it home at every stage of assessment so when our children came home we were very aware of building a healthy and strong bond with them. We were lucky in that their foster carers did so much ground work so that when we went to introductions we were not complete strangers - they recognised us and what were going to be to them, as much as a small child can. One thing we have to remember is that children in care, such as ours. do struggle with attachment because of the numerous moves that they have lived.

Now, I am not an expert. I will never pretend to be one and although I have read the materials suggested to me, studied the books on the suggested reading list and lived with my children for nearly 6 months (my goodness has it been that long already!) I am sure that I have bared touched on the subject.

But, the question I am putting to myself today is: Is there a good, healthy secure attachment between our children and us? Or rather between the children and myself?

Now, it is good to be questioned, it makes you step back and think, really think and the comments I receive on this blog are no different to comments made in the real world, they make me think. I have looked long and hard at the children and how they are with us as well as how this has changed since they moved in. I can clearly see an improvement in their relationship my husband - both children are happier and more comfortable with him, they will now go to him for comfort which has changed as it used to be just me and I look at all these things as being signs of a healthy attachment. I then looked back at the difference in the way the children are with me. Both will happily ask for cuddles, accept cuddles when offered and find comfort with me when distressed. Both will happily accept physical contact as well as actively looking for it which is something I thought might take longer to achieve.

The main thing that I have looked at is their reactions and relationships with other people in our lives. What reassures me that they are obviously more confident and comfortable when we are. Our last camping trip showed us that but the children were always aware of where we were which I took for a reassuring sign. They have started to build trusting relationships with their grandparents and they are perfectly capable of playing us off against their grandparents but I am assured all children do that so I am hoping this is just a case of them doing something very normal.

I keep reassuring myself - we have a good routine and the children have more good days than bad ones. They eat well, sleep well and they are developing at what feels like an amazing speed especially motor skills and personal care skills.

Does all this prove a healthy attachment? I have no idea but I really hope so.