It feels early to be talking about Christmas but it feels like the shops have been full of decorations and gift ideas for weeks already. This week youngest small has declared that 'Father Christmas has whiskers, just like the cat' and they have both started their wish lists which include watches, cameras and spiderman suits. I have found the address to send the letters off so my next job is to get them sorted and posted off.
Our plans for this year remain unchanged from he decision we made in January. Christmas day is going to be for the 4 of us. No visiting, no visitors and we plan to remain as low-key as possible. We are not going overboard buying presents and we plan to be careful so as not to over face the children. There will be a visit to a local Father Christmas. At the same time we will also choose our tree together (I do love a real tree) and at the same time the children will be allowed to choose a new decoration each for the tree.
I plan to get the children to make Christmas cards for those nearest and dearest to us and I am hoping that we can find some other crafty Christmas based things that the children can enjoy making and then giving as gifts.
We are very aware that whilst this year will be a quiet one we do want to start some traditions based on those of our families. I want to hammer home that Christmas should not be all about the children (as has been said to me so many times in recent years) but rather Christmas is all about family. Being with our family and treasuring that time.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
My battle.
Eczema.
It is something I have battled since I was little but, until recently, I had it beaten. It was under control and I was on top of it. Something slipped. I am not sure whether it was my raised stress less, increased tiredness or I simply lacked the time to keep using moisturising creams morning and night.
So, what it is. This place explains it better than I could;
http://www.eczema.org/
All I would say for myself is that it is a nightmare. I was waking in the night clawing at my arms because they were itching so much. My skin was red raw, broken and bleeding in places and I had to wear long sleeves to hide them whilst I was desperate to leave them open to the air to try and help them to heal.
It all came to a head when my mum came for the day and stayed to help with bath time, a time I love for the fun but dread because it was so painful, my eczema being concentrating on my hands, wrists and forearms. I also have patches at the back of my knees and my inner thighs. At its very worst I eve had it on my eye lids. My mum saw my arms and was horrified. That night I did something I had not needed to do since childhood. I slept, coated in cream and wearing gloves plus bandaged to my armpits to stop me scratching and doing any more damage.
It also meant that at the weekend I had to watch the smalls go swimming with Daddy and Grandad. They love swimming, they are so confident in the water, they will jump in and swimming about playing sharks and trying to swim without their armbands and much as it was lovely to watch I would much rather have been in the pool with them.
I have spent the last 4 nights sleeping exactly the same and my arms are miles better but still healing. It was a harsh reminder that I need to take the time to look after myself otherwise I am of no use to anyone, least of all my children.
It is something I have battled since I was little but, until recently, I had it beaten. It was under control and I was on top of it. Something slipped. I am not sure whether it was my raised stress less, increased tiredness or I simply lacked the time to keep using moisturising creams morning and night.
So, what it is. This place explains it better than I could;
http://www.eczema.org/
All I would say for myself is that it is a nightmare. I was waking in the night clawing at my arms because they were itching so much. My skin was red raw, broken and bleeding in places and I had to wear long sleeves to hide them whilst I was desperate to leave them open to the air to try and help them to heal.
It all came to a head when my mum came for the day and stayed to help with bath time, a time I love for the fun but dread because it was so painful, my eczema being concentrating on my hands, wrists and forearms. I also have patches at the back of my knees and my inner thighs. At its very worst I eve had it on my eye lids. My mum saw my arms and was horrified. That night I did something I had not needed to do since childhood. I slept, coated in cream and wearing gloves plus bandaged to my armpits to stop me scratching and doing any more damage.
It also meant that at the weekend I had to watch the smalls go swimming with Daddy and Grandad. They love swimming, they are so confident in the water, they will jump in and swimming about playing sharks and trying to swim without their armbands and much as it was lovely to watch I would much rather have been in the pool with them.
I have spent the last 4 nights sleeping exactly the same and my arms are miles better but still healing. It was a harsh reminder that I need to take the time to look after myself otherwise I am of no use to anyone, least of all my children.
A sleepover
During half term my husband and I had a chance for another first. Leaving the children with grandparents overnight. We talked about it, worried that it was too soon and worried that if we left it too long we would never do it and decided to take the plunge.
We booked tickets for Sing-a-long Rocky Horror Picture Show and a hotel room for the night, all less than 30 minutes away from my parents where the children would be staying. We then worried a lot more. We knew the children like sleeping at Grandma's house, we have done so a few times and they have always enjoyed it. Plus they love their Grandparents so in the end we decided we had nothing to worry about.
Our evening was fabulous. We went out for a nice meal, a meal where we got to eat our meals whilst they were still hot and we didn't have to share. The show was amazing. Not exactly child friendly which made a nice change and then we got to wake up when we were ready and not by a small voice declaring 'Mummy I want a wee wee'. But. A nice but. I missed them. I missed tucking them into bed, I missed kissing them goodnight and I missed them climbing into bed with us in the morning and bouncing about until one of us decided to get up and make breakfast.
But we did need the time on our own. I think looking after the children, rewarding as it is, is exceptionally hard work and having that break made me realise it even more. We needed the time for us, so we could remember why we are together and what makes us so strong.
We were back at my parents house in the morning much earlier than any one expected. It was lovely that they greeted us at the door with lots of cuddles like they had really missed us no matter how much fun they had with Grandma and Grandad. Oldest small had not had the best night sadly, he had not slept well and we think he has been worried about us coming back so we are really hoping that this has set us up for next time so he has the confidence to know that we will always come back for him.
We booked tickets for Sing-a-long Rocky Horror Picture Show and a hotel room for the night, all less than 30 minutes away from my parents where the children would be staying. We then worried a lot more. We knew the children like sleeping at Grandma's house, we have done so a few times and they have always enjoyed it. Plus they love their Grandparents so in the end we decided we had nothing to worry about.
Our evening was fabulous. We went out for a nice meal, a meal where we got to eat our meals whilst they were still hot and we didn't have to share. The show was amazing. Not exactly child friendly which made a nice change and then we got to wake up when we were ready and not by a small voice declaring 'Mummy I want a wee wee'. But. A nice but. I missed them. I missed tucking them into bed, I missed kissing them goodnight and I missed them climbing into bed with us in the morning and bouncing about until one of us decided to get up and make breakfast.
But we did need the time on our own. I think looking after the children, rewarding as it is, is exceptionally hard work and having that break made me realise it even more. We needed the time for us, so we could remember why we are together and what makes us so strong.
We were back at my parents house in the morning much earlier than any one expected. It was lovely that they greeted us at the door with lots of cuddles like they had really missed us no matter how much fun they had with Grandma and Grandad. Oldest small had not had the best night sadly, he had not slept well and we think he has been worried about us coming back so we are really hoping that this has set us up for next time so he has the confidence to know that we will always come back for him.
Halloween
Half term is over and we are back into the swing of school and, much as I love having the children home, the routine of school is comforting and it also means I have a little bit of me time again as well as time to regain a little bit of order in the chaos that I call home. We have also enjoyed our first Halloween.
The smalls got to dress up for pre school - one chose to be a ladybird and the other a skeleton pirate and after school I took them to nanny and grandad's to do the only trick or treating I had planned. As I never went as a child it is not something I am overly comfortable with. But we went, they were admired and sweets were eaten. I think that they may be eating those sweets until Christmas but it was nice to be able to get dressed up and make the effort.
Our big task for the season was the pumpkins. I got 4, grown by a friend and we dutifully set to with knives (me and my husband), spoons and hands! We had great fun chopping the tops off and scooping out their insides before carving out the faces that the smalls drew for us. After bath time, in the dark they were loaded with tea lights and we all marvelled at them, another something we had done as a family, another first.
In other news, oldest small had his first party initiation from a friend at school this week and he is really excited about going. After the problems with behaviour at the end of last term it has been nice that he has returned to his lovely 'good' self with his key workers even complimenting his helping sat tidy up time. He still has blips but he is 4 years old and no is perfect all the time.
We are also trying to quell our excitement as we see the shops starting to go in to Christmas mode, more about in the weeks to come.
The smalls got to dress up for pre school - one chose to be a ladybird and the other a skeleton pirate and after school I took them to nanny and grandad's to do the only trick or treating I had planned. As I never went as a child it is not something I am overly comfortable with. But we went, they were admired and sweets were eaten. I think that they may be eating those sweets until Christmas but it was nice to be able to get dressed up and make the effort.
Our big task for the season was the pumpkins. I got 4, grown by a friend and we dutifully set to with knives (me and my husband), spoons and hands! We had great fun chopping the tops off and scooping out their insides before carving out the faces that the smalls drew for us. After bath time, in the dark they were loaded with tea lights and we all marvelled at them, another something we had done as a family, another first.
In other news, oldest small had his first party initiation from a friend at school this week and he is really excited about going. After the problems with behaviour at the end of last term it has been nice that he has returned to his lovely 'good' self with his key workers even complimenting his helping sat tidy up time. He still has blips but he is 4 years old and no is perfect all the time.
We are also trying to quell our excitement as we see the shops starting to go in to Christmas mode, more about in the weeks to come.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Boisterous
I am dedicating today's post to oldest small as it is his behaviour that is worrying us. The word that his pre-school room leader uses is 'boisterous'. I am so scared that he is being labelled as the 'naughty boy' as he really isn't. At pre-school they have removed him a couple of times for behaviours such as pushing other children but mainly for not listening and for not being quiet at times when quiet is required.
I have spent the week racking my brain as to that what the root cause of his issues might be as he is not a naughty child, he is not an unkind child and I refuse to believe that he would ever knowingly hurt someone else. The things that I have been through -is he hungry? His behaviour seems to take a turn for the worse in the afternoons. His lunch box is always full to bursting, I would rather he bring food home that be hungry so he takes:
sandwich (2 slices with ham, cheese, dairylea, jam etc)
cheese (a cheese string or a babybel)
2 pieces of fresh fruit
a dried fruit something (raisins, fruit winder etc) or a cereal type bar (nutragrain or harvest bar)
yoghurt or pot of custard or rice pudding
drink
and he rarely brings anything home and when he does it is usually a piece of fresh fruit so I am pretty sure that he can't be hungry (bearing in mind his preschool give him a snack of bread sticks and fruit plus either milk or water mid morning).
So, my next though was what is different for him and my first answer - his friend goes home. Since he started preschool he has developed a close friendship with one boy and they seem inseparable however he only does mornings where as K is there for 3 afternoons. Is he angry because his friend is not there? I am pretty sure that he is, especially when I look at his reaction to this friend's mum when she collects him.
So, how do I help him? I don't know, I know that his friend will be start doing 2 afternoons a week in January but at that time we will also be increasing K's hours to full time as I am returning to work and also to get him used to the hours before he starts school so I am not sure. I just want the world to see what a lovely little boy he is.
I have spent the week racking my brain as to that what the root cause of his issues might be as he is not a naughty child, he is not an unkind child and I refuse to believe that he would ever knowingly hurt someone else. The things that I have been through -is he hungry? His behaviour seems to take a turn for the worse in the afternoons. His lunch box is always full to bursting, I would rather he bring food home that be hungry so he takes:
sandwich (2 slices with ham, cheese, dairylea, jam etc)
cheese (a cheese string or a babybel)
2 pieces of fresh fruit
a dried fruit something (raisins, fruit winder etc) or a cereal type bar (nutragrain or harvest bar)
yoghurt or pot of custard or rice pudding
drink
and he rarely brings anything home and when he does it is usually a piece of fresh fruit so I am pretty sure that he can't be hungry (bearing in mind his preschool give him a snack of bread sticks and fruit plus either milk or water mid morning).
So, my next though was what is different for him and my first answer - his friend goes home. Since he started preschool he has developed a close friendship with one boy and they seem inseparable however he only does mornings where as K is there for 3 afternoons. Is he angry because his friend is not there? I am pretty sure that he is, especially when I look at his reaction to this friend's mum when she collects him.
So, how do I help him? I don't know, I know that his friend will be start doing 2 afternoons a week in January but at that time we will also be increasing K's hours to full time as I am returning to work and also to get him used to the hours before he starts school so I am not sure. I just want the world to see what a lovely little boy he is.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Everything.
This weekend is a another milestone moment for us as a family. It was also the first chance to really celebrate the children's perminant placement with us with our closest family and friends. It as our children's Christening.
We made the decision early on that once everything was legal and sorted we would have the children Christened and that we would make it the day of celebration that we would share with our family and close friends. The invites went out some time ago and we booked and bought all the necessaries. Saturday night I was a mess, I barely slept worrying about what I had forgotten, what might go wrong, would people get there ok and whether the children would enjoy their day. After all, the day was theirs firstly and ours as a family as well. In that vein we had themed the day around the Gruffalo as both children love both the books and the films.
We managed a quiet morning, we tried to keep excitement to a minimum knowing that over giddy small people never really ends well for us but once we started getting ready it was hard - both children looked so beautiful in their special outfits and I have to say that my concerns of behaviour were unfounded as the behaved so well all day, despite the excitement.
The church service itself was lovely, the church was full of familiar faces, all of whom the children know and have built relationships with. We were also incredibly lucky with the Reverend who officiated the service, a very child friendly lady who made sure the service included the children. Youngest small did really well and oldest only had one moment as he didn't really want water pouring over his head, he knocked the Reverend's hand away so she went to plan B and drew a cross on his forehead instead. He did so well carrying his own candle though.
After church we moved on to a local pub for the next bit, as well as the children's favourite bit: presents - I never excepted such presents as the children received and the kindness and generosity of the people surrounding us never fails to amaze me. Their bedrooms are now filled with some beautiful keepsakes as well as very personal gifts that they can treasure. There was the normal buffet and then I did a short speech, something I had thought about but not really practised, afterwards I had to go round and apologies to everyone who I had made cry. We had so many people we wanted to thank and it seemed like the right and proper place to say them.
I will carry with me a few very special memories:
- holding my daughter at the font as she was baptised
- seeing my husband hold our son at the font as he was baptised
- watching my son carry his candle down the church
- seeing the children play with their last set of foster parents
They were so confident and so different from the children who moved in with us nearly 9 months ago and I was proud to tell the closest to me that they were worth every tear, every drop of sweat, every moment of desperation, every second of every appointment and every piece of paperwork that I have been through since the day we decided we wanted a family.
By the time we got home we were all exhausted. But happy. The day was everything we could have dreamed it to be and I hope the children will carry their memories forever.
We made the decision early on that once everything was legal and sorted we would have the children Christened and that we would make it the day of celebration that we would share with our family and close friends. The invites went out some time ago and we booked and bought all the necessaries. Saturday night I was a mess, I barely slept worrying about what I had forgotten, what might go wrong, would people get there ok and whether the children would enjoy their day. After all, the day was theirs firstly and ours as a family as well. In that vein we had themed the day around the Gruffalo as both children love both the books and the films.
We managed a quiet morning, we tried to keep excitement to a minimum knowing that over giddy small people never really ends well for us but once we started getting ready it was hard - both children looked so beautiful in their special outfits and I have to say that my concerns of behaviour were unfounded as the behaved so well all day, despite the excitement.
The church service itself was lovely, the church was full of familiar faces, all of whom the children know and have built relationships with. We were also incredibly lucky with the Reverend who officiated the service, a very child friendly lady who made sure the service included the children. Youngest small did really well and oldest only had one moment as he didn't really want water pouring over his head, he knocked the Reverend's hand away so she went to plan B and drew a cross on his forehead instead. He did so well carrying his own candle though.
After church we moved on to a local pub for the next bit, as well as the children's favourite bit: presents - I never excepted such presents as the children received and the kindness and generosity of the people surrounding us never fails to amaze me. Their bedrooms are now filled with some beautiful keepsakes as well as very personal gifts that they can treasure. There was the normal buffet and then I did a short speech, something I had thought about but not really practised, afterwards I had to go round and apologies to everyone who I had made cry. We had so many people we wanted to thank and it seemed like the right and proper place to say them.
I will carry with me a few very special memories:
- holding my daughter at the font as she was baptised
- seeing my husband hold our son at the font as he was baptised
- watching my son carry his candle down the church
- seeing the children play with their last set of foster parents
They were so confident and so different from the children who moved in with us nearly 9 months ago and I was proud to tell the closest to me that they were worth every tear, every drop of sweat, every moment of desperation, every second of every appointment and every piece of paperwork that I have been through since the day we decided we wanted a family.
By the time we got home we were all exhausted. But happy. The day was everything we could have dreamed it to be and I hope the children will carry their memories forever.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Past, present, future.
3 years ago I lost something very precious to me.
It feels like such a long time ago, I look back at the blog post I wrote directly after:
http://vicfish-thelongandwindingroad.blogspot.co.uk/2010/10/highs-and-lows.html
and it feels like it was written by a robot. The posts after this one were so full of pain, anger and hopelessness. I feel like a completely different person sat here today: my life certainly it completely different to what it was and anything I could have imagined back then.
I made a conscious choice to look back at those posts and remind myself of how my life have changed since I wrote those words and I have to remind myself that although it felt like my life was over: it wasn't and I have moved on from those awful days. My world is a better place.
But, would my future look like this if I had not had the experiences of my past? Of course not. I am a stronger person for my past, I appreciate my present and I look forward to the future that lays before me.
Today I remember the past, not with the over whelming sadness that I used to but with a calm acceptance that without my past I would not have my present and my present is a wonderful place to be.
It feels like such a long time ago, I look back at the blog post I wrote directly after:
http://vicfish-thelongandwindingroad.blogspot.co.uk/2010/10/highs-and-lows.html
and it feels like it was written by a robot. The posts after this one were so full of pain, anger and hopelessness. I feel like a completely different person sat here today: my life certainly it completely different to what it was and anything I could have imagined back then.
I made a conscious choice to look back at those posts and remind myself of how my life have changed since I wrote those words and I have to remind myself that although it felt like my life was over: it wasn't and I have moved on from those awful days. My world is a better place.
But, would my future look like this if I had not had the experiences of my past? Of course not. I am a stronger person for my past, I appreciate my present and I look forward to the future that lays before me.
Today I remember the past, not with the over whelming sadness that I used to but with a calm acceptance that without my past I would not have my present and my present is a wonderful place to be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)