With one step taken and completed and the next one on the horizon we are back to waiting. How long we will be waiting I am not sure but it is still waiting and it got me thinking about how much waiting I have done over the last few years. When we started our trying for our family it was waiting for the right time of the month and then it became waiting for our 'one year' milestone and a doctors appointment. That started a period of time in which we were waiting for the right time of the month plus waiting for tests, waiting for results and waiting for appointments.
Waiting for treatment didn't really happen as we went for an appointment and it was there. There was a short wait getting the prescription through and sorted but this was short enough to be over looked based on who long we had waited already.
The next rounds of waiting occurred after I fell pregnant. Waiting for blood tests and their results and then the dreadful pause in which everything stopped for me but really I was waiting for it all to be, medically, over. I had to wait for my bleeding to start and then I had to wait for it to stop. After that the cycles continued until the time we chose for it to end.
I got to wait for more exciting times after that. We had agreed to follow the adoption road but there are criteria - 6 months clear of treatment before initial assessment which was completely understandable. Another 6 months before the start of the preparation course (which has flown past) and whilst it has started to feel a bit more 'real' than it did, it still doesn't feel like there is an end in sight. There are still plenty of things to wait for - the start of home study, the end of home study, our approval panel and then hopefully a more exciting period where we wait for a match to be found.
I reckon I have become so used to waiting I have not realised that I have, somewhere along this road, learnt at least a little patience. Some of the waits that seemed forever back at the start of the road were actually a lot shorter than the waits that have flown past but overall my wait for a family is currently on 3 years and 8 months - all in. Sounds like a long time and it has been, especially we have no idea how much longer it might be but, for some, the wait for a family is so much longer than this and I feels right to remind myself that no matter how long I have waited there will be someone somewhere that has to wait longer.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
The Pink C
The challenge was to write about one woman but I have to many in my life that are important to me and so choosing one was impossible.
My Grandma and then my mum - terrible luck, genetics or random chance? Good friends and people I care about, the list goes on.
Surgery, radiotherapy, chemotherapy and everything that comes after - more hurdles to jump. The all clear that comes years later.
90 words isn't many to recognise everything to comes when some one you love has is diganiosed and then treated but I do recongise that I am lucky that my stories have happy endings.
Pink Ribbon Bingo have pledged to support Breakthrough Breast Cancer all year round with 15% of the gross revenue accrued through online play on the site being donated to the charity. Visitors also have the opportunity to donate a percentage of their winnings directly to the charity. Along with the fundraising element, Pink Ribbon Bingo and The Daily Mail online will be helping the charity to raise awareness by promoting their vital health messages such as TLC (Touch, Look, Check).
90 bloggers, 90 words about breast cancer for Kate on Thin Ice. Join and link up.
My Grandma and then my mum - terrible luck, genetics or random chance? Good friends and people I care about, the list goes on.
Surgery, radiotherapy, chemotherapy and everything that comes after - more hurdles to jump. The all clear that comes years later.
90 words isn't many to recognise everything to comes when some one you love has is diganiosed and then treated but I do recongise that I am lucky that my stories have happy endings.
Pink Ribbon Bingo have pledged to support Breakthrough Breast Cancer all year round with 15% of the gross revenue accrued through online play on the site being donated to the charity. Visitors also have the opportunity to donate a percentage of their winnings directly to the charity. Along with the fundraising element, Pink Ribbon Bingo and The Daily Mail online will be helping the charity to raise awareness by promoting their vital health messages such as TLC (Touch, Look, Check).
90 bloggers, 90 words about breast cancer for Kate on Thin Ice. Join and link up.
Friday, January 27, 2012
The Final Day - Prep course complete
I do feel that I ought to start with the weekend before as I had the chance to visit some friends and spend some catching up. What amazed me was that everyone asked about the adoption process and how it was going. It is stark contrast to the situation not that long ago - people just don't talk about infertility or miscarriage and I figure it is because it is such a negative thing and adoption is seen as a very positive thing.
So, day 4 of our prep course is the one I have been most looking forward, not for the course content but for the fact it will be another 'tick in the box', another thing we can say we have finished making us that one tiny step further forward.
Today has been the most interesting day and started with a visit from a child physcologist talking about attachment theories and behaviour management strategies. It was so interesting to investigate the world using a child's eyes and looking at the difference between how children with good strong attachments and those who have come from less than ideal backgrounds. We also got to look over real profiles of children who have passed through the care system and into adoptive families and make discuss whether we would be able to accept children with their specific needs and, for lack of a better term, baggage. It has been the longest day of the course but the one that went the fastest for me.
We ended the course by exchanging email addresses and I am hopeful that we can stay in contact as a group so we can support each other though this process. The next step is waiting for our social worker to contact us so fingers crossed that will be sooner rather than later.
Elsewhere in the news this week.....
I had to try and persuade my dad to curb my mum's shopping. Normally I am the first one to enjoy a shopping trip but she has been looking in toy shops and although it is so very exciting that she feels she can do this I do feel that she might be 'jinxing' things a bit. How awful would it be if we still had years of the application process and matching process ahead of us and those toys were sat in boxes, unused and unloved all that time. I know her actions will have no bearing on the process we go through but it does feel akin to the 'no baby stuff in the house before a certain time' bad luck thing. There is another part of me that wants to be shopping - buying things for our family but when we talked about it we did decide not to buy anything until we were matched.
So, day 4 of our prep course is the one I have been most looking forward, not for the course content but for the fact it will be another 'tick in the box', another thing we can say we have finished making us that one tiny step further forward.
Today has been the most interesting day and started with a visit from a child physcologist talking about attachment theories and behaviour management strategies. It was so interesting to investigate the world using a child's eyes and looking at the difference between how children with good strong attachments and those who have come from less than ideal backgrounds. We also got to look over real profiles of children who have passed through the care system and into adoptive families and make discuss whether we would be able to accept children with their specific needs and, for lack of a better term, baggage. It has been the longest day of the course but the one that went the fastest for me.
We ended the course by exchanging email addresses and I am hopeful that we can stay in contact as a group so we can support each other though this process. The next step is waiting for our social worker to contact us so fingers crossed that will be sooner rather than later.
Elsewhere in the news this week.....
I had to try and persuade my dad to curb my mum's shopping. Normally I am the first one to enjoy a shopping trip but she has been looking in toy shops and although it is so very exciting that she feels she can do this I do feel that she might be 'jinxing' things a bit. How awful would it be if we still had years of the application process and matching process ahead of us and those toys were sat in boxes, unused and unloved all that time. I know her actions will have no bearing on the process we go through but it does feel akin to the 'no baby stuff in the house before a certain time' bad luck thing. There is another part of me that wants to be shopping - buying things for our family but when we talked about it we did decide not to buy anything until we were matched.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Desert Island Disks
After inspiration from Kylie on Not Even A Bag of Sugar I started thinking what my desert island disks might be. I love my music and have to narrow it down to just 7 which might be very hard so, in no particular order, here goes:
1) The second dance we had at our wedding was ‘Accidentally in Love’ by Counting Crows and one we first heard when it featured in Shrek 2 but seemed so apt. When we got together neither of us was looking for love, neither of us had expected to find it in each and, certainly for me, getting married was the last thing I expected to be doing at the age of 25 but it was one of the best decisions I have ever made following closely the decision to actually give him my phone number.
2) Bon Jovi’s ‘Bed of Roses. A soothing piece of music that always seems to settle my mind in times of turmoil. I was always a fan of stadium rock (Bon Jovi, Bryan Adams etc etc) and this appeared in one of the many albums I was bought when I was an angry teen having problems at school.
3)‘Sisters’. Everyone has to have seen the joy that is the film White Christmas where those 2 sisters perform their piece entitled ‘Sisters’. My sister and I used to prance about to this when we were children and to this day we people sing it at us when start getting at each other. I would never let anyone harm my sister if I could help it but we still bicker and I can’t see a day when we don’t.
4) In thinking about this I suppose I ought to be cultured and go for a piece of classical music but I am not a fan so I decided to go for an old faithful in my folk collection 'All around my Hat', a Steeleye Span classic of which there are many versions (some not clean enough for a public blog) and all remind me of sitting round campfires at re-enactment events listening to people singing. This isn't the most popular song for campfires but it still stuck with me and makes me smile.
5) I think for a inspiration piece of 'sing a long at the top of your voice and having a wonderful time' music I am torn between 2 so plan to give them half each for number 5. They are Queen's 'Don't stop me now' and Elton John's 'I'm still Standing'. I do think they speak for themselves.
6) My all time favourite has to 'Romeo and Juliet' by Dire Straits - enough said
7) For my last choice I decided on the song I want playing at my funeral. Just this, nothing else. no hymns, no readings, no one yapping on about me and my life just people sitting down, listening for the 10 minutes the song lasts and then leaving to get on with their, hopefully, happy lives. 'Stairway to Heaven' By Led Zepplin.
Which leads me to ask the same question Kylie did - what are your desert island disks?
Monday, January 23, 2012
Day 3
Today was our third day in the preparation course and our assignment from last week was to take something that was important to us. I choose, as I expected to, my Mickey Mouse. Mickey is a stuffed toy that I have had since 1984 and the birth of my younger sister. He is a bit on the scabby side, he has seen a lot better days but he has been all over the world with me and I am very attached to him. It was really nice to listen to the stories of the items taken by other people, a charm bracelet where every charm meant something, photographs of family, of pets and other items of significance.
The next topic of the day was back to neglect and abuse and the effects it can have on children as well as ways in which we, as adoptive parents, can identify the impact it can have on behaviour. This consisted of watching a video in 3 parts - the birth mum, the child and the adoptive mum of the same situation and how the tiniest of little things can be massive to a child.
The most interesting part of the day, for me, was the visit from a mum who has recently adopted her soon and she spoke very honestly and openly about the process, about many of the little things she worried about and some of the things that she encountered on her journey. Her story was very positive and did a lot to displace some of the negativity that has surrounded us so far.
Our afternoon was taken up with more conversations with the adoptive mum and lots more questions for her plus some exercises and discussions regarding becoming part of a minority group when we adopt and some the things we might encounter. We were able to discuss some of the things people say when when they realise you are following the path to adoption. As a group we shared the frustration of people telling us how 'wonderufl' we were because we had chosen this path - at the moment I feel very selfish as we have chosen this route as the only way to have a family so it is not the 'wonderful thing' outsiders see it as. It also got me thinking how I would deal with being the 'adoptive parents' in social situations and what impact that might have on our child.
We ended the day without home work and I am looking forward to completing this course next week and moving onto the next stage of the path.
The next topic of the day was back to neglect and abuse and the effects it can have on children as well as ways in which we, as adoptive parents, can identify the impact it can have on behaviour. This consisted of watching a video in 3 parts - the birth mum, the child and the adoptive mum of the same situation and how the tiniest of little things can be massive to a child.
The most interesting part of the day, for me, was the visit from a mum who has recently adopted her soon and she spoke very honestly and openly about the process, about many of the little things she worried about and some of the things that she encountered on her journey. Her story was very positive and did a lot to displace some of the negativity that has surrounded us so far.
Our afternoon was taken up with more conversations with the adoptive mum and lots more questions for her plus some exercises and discussions regarding becoming part of a minority group when we adopt and some the things we might encounter. We were able to discuss some of the things people say when when they realise you are following the path to adoption. As a group we shared the frustration of people telling us how 'wonderufl' we were because we had chosen this path - at the moment I feel very selfish as we have chosen this route as the only way to have a family so it is not the 'wonderful thing' outsiders see it as. It also got me thinking how I would deal with being the 'adoptive parents' in social situations and what impact that might have on our child.
We ended the day without home work and I am looking forward to completing this course next week and moving onto the next stage of the path.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
The Actual Course - Day 2
Day 2 was yesterday and I was pleased when we arrived in plenty of time and were able to be a lot more relaxed – I don’t think we were alone in being nervous last week as many of the other couples were a lot chattier and it was nice to get to know people a bit better.
This subject matter for the morning session was contact. We covered the different types of contact (direct and letterbox) and we covered how they were arranged, managed and filtered. The guest speakers were the 2 social workers that form the contact team for our agency and they were very open, honest and interesting. They also provided us with a really insightful pack of information that included sample letters, sample agreements of contact between birth families and adoptive families and guidance on social networking.
The morning seemed to fly past but we were ready for lunchtime when it came round. This week there was more food than we needed and some sandwiches! I decided to make wraps with various fillings which went down well.
The afternoon started with another guest speaker, this time a children’s social worker who was also very interesting and she really hit home how careful they are with matches and the children they have in the care system. We did an exercise about the links children form using string – a piece held by the people in the link and then cut with scissors when the link ended. It was very sad to see how many severed links children could potentially have from just a few moves. The child I portrayed in the exercise had a birth mum and dad, 2 step fathers, 2 siblings, 2 sets of foster parents and adoptive parents plus a grandma and social worker and at the end of the exercise the only string whole was the one to the adoptive parents – all the other links had been cut.
There were other topics discussed after this and we touched on abuse and how to deal with the disclosures of abuse. I do think that it is right and necessary that we have to discuss these things in detail especially as there is a risk we might be placed with a child that has suffered some form of abuse but it is still very upsetting to hear about real situations where children have been abused.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
A Philosophical Question
This morning I woke, after a lovely long sleep feeling very warm, safe and above all loved. It took me a minute to realise that I was surrounded - my snoring husband to one side, one cat curled up my my knee and the other cat curled up at my waist.
My next thought was - which one can I move so I can get out of bed and, do you know what? I couldn't decide! Daft as it sounds they were all so peaceful that I didn't have the heart to do it so had to lie there until the cat decided it was time to get up!
This was this morning but it does evidence the amount of space my 2 feline friends take up when they want to! I think this was taken at the point when my husband wanted to get in bed and couldn't.
I am pretty attached to them both which leads to my next question - how will they cope when are family expands? I have some thoughts based on how they behave when we have visitors but after they realise that those 'visitors' are staying they might change their behaviour. I can say with some certainty that I expect Marmite to be the adorable softy that he is and just to enjoy the new people to make a fuss of him. I have watched small children pull on his ears, tails and fur and he actually likes it. Yang on the other hand might be a bit different. I guess I will have to wait and see as I can't explain it to them, I can only remind them that they are important to me in the way cats understand - food and fuss.
So my question is - what would you have done? Who would you have moved?
My next thought was - which one can I move so I can get out of bed and, do you know what? I couldn't decide! Daft as it sounds they were all so peaceful that I didn't have the heart to do it so had to lie there until the cat decided it was time to get up!
I am pretty attached to them both which leads to my next question - how will they cope when are family expands? I have some thoughts based on how they behave when we have visitors but after they realise that those 'visitors' are staying they might change their behaviour. I can say with some certainty that I expect Marmite to be the adorable softy that he is and just to enjoy the new people to make a fuss of him. I have watched small children pull on his ears, tails and fur and he actually likes it. Yang on the other hand might be a bit different. I guess I will have to wait and see as I can't explain it to them, I can only remind them that they are important to me in the way cats understand - food and fuss.
So my question is - what would you have done? Who would you have moved?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)