Count Your Blessings

Last week I had the very sad news that a friend had passed away, aged only 52, very suddenly. His widow is a truly inspirational person who I am privileged to call a friend and she has started to count her blessings and remind others to do the same. I really hope that it helps to remember the good times even whilst she is grieiving. They had such am amazing relationship and were so incredibly happy together that it is heartbreaking not being able to do anything to comfort her.

Anyway, her example has set an example to me and today I want to count my blessings.

1) My wonderful husband – a pillar of strength, support and love no matter what He always has a smile and I am lucky to have met him

2) Our family – parents, siblings, in-laws – all of them. 

3) My cats – Yang and Marmite have a sixth sense that tells them when they are needed to offer comfort or to make me laugh.

4) My health. I have nothing wrong with me that effects my daily life.

5) My friends. All of them.

I challenge you to do the same today.

A reflection

I wrote these words a few days ago, before a good friend lost her soul mate tragically and unexpectedly far too early. It does bring things into perspective a little bit as although I lost and my loss was of a different kind I should be grateful for what I have.

Anyway, I thought to leave my original workds as this was how I was feeling when I wrote them.

Do you still wish a ‘Happy Birthday’ to someone no longer with you? Do you wish a ‘Happy Birthday’ to someone who never ‘legally’ existed?

The way I feel right now I don’t really care.

Today my baby should have been a year old. Today I should be celebrating with a cake, with balloons, with presents and with love.

Today I am not.

Today I am remembering what might have been. Not with the all encompassing grief that the my miscarriage caused but with a quiet sadness that reminds me that although I still have a future, albeit very different, it does not mean that I have forgotten the past nor do I no longer think about what might have been.

So Happy First Birthday to my angel in Heaven, may you always be safe and may you know that you are loved. 

Counting my blessings:
my husband
my health
my family and my friends

I am grateful.

Another period of waiting

It seems to me like my life is separated out by periods of waiting. So far our journey towards adoption has included waiting for the initial visit, waiting for that report, waiting for the prep course, waiting for home study and then the appointments of it and now waiting for the report to be written ready for us to wait to go before the approval panel. Some of these waits have been longer than others and there were the waits before this process so in all I feel like I have been waiting for 4 years.

Waiting does seem to have gotten easier to manage. The ability to remain busy seems to be the 'armour' I protect myself with. The busier I am the quicker time flies past me and it also allows me a sense of achievement. In all my waiting I have achieve many things but my true goal, the light at the end of my tunnel, still seems as far away now as it was 4 years ago. I know we have have taken many steps towards it but having no time line for these things makes the tunnel seem endless.

This period of waiting was broken with my birthday - a occasion that I will remember forever. I have also been busy with projects of a crafting nature. I have made Christmas stockings, I have finished cross stitch projects (some of which have been outstanding for years!) and I have tried a couple of new things and enjoyed every single one of them. This is one of my proudest achievements - started in 2001 (I think) and now framed and displayed.

Today a friend also posted to her blog:
http://clarice-swimouttomeetit.blogspot.com/2012/06/solution-refocussed.html?spref=fb
about remaining solution focused. She asked the following:

So, what positive change do you need to make? What would you like to fix and make better? Start by identifying the place you want to be, and then work out a plan, a route of how to get there. I know it is scary, but if you don't take that step you will never know how bright it is at your destination. Think about what you are doing and why you are doing it. Make that decision to change.

 

Which got me thinking. What positive changes do I need to make? Usually I would have said I need to learn patience. Today I have realised that I have actually learnt it. I know what I want. I know the path I need to follow and I walking it. I am walking it with every step being made carefully, with support and with a good idea of how bright my destination could be.

 

I have plenty of other things that need fixing, that need improving and that could be better so maybe it is time I started working on those and accepting that waiting is one I have mastered.

My Birthday - The Party

This party has been planned for what seems like forever. The day dawned clear with a bit of sunshine (and luckily no rain)  and my day was planned to the very minute including a hair appointment so I could look and feel my very best. My nails and feet were done the night before on my way home from work and my hair was dyed to remove all trace of blonde roots earlier in the week. My dress was already hung in view - it has been sat in the wardrobe for so long and I was desperate to wear it. I already had a house full of guests and they were troopers helping out with everything,

Once we got into the hall it was 'manyhands making light work' as the see up was done in what felt like record time. There was bunting, balloons and more more food than I planned for thanks to a number of kind gifts in that direction. The entertainment - a group called Memphis Belle arrived and did their thing. The plan was for a 1940s night. I had been a little nervous over the last couple of days as a number of friends and family had been forced to cry off (here's hoping my nephew is feeling a lot better very soon and that a knee heals as well) and there were missed but in the end there were plenty and the hall seemed really busy. It was also really amazing how many people made the effort to give the theme a go and do the dressing up thing. The music started, the dancing started, food got eaten and time just flew by. There have been some great parties for all occasions but from where I am sitting that ranks amongst the best.

This week has been a blur to be honest - dinner with my husband on Wednesday, spending Thursday evening with my friends from Holbeach Ladies Circle (who treat me to a fantastic night and an amazing meal plus an incredibly thoughtful gift of scrapbooking goodies), then Friday with family and a couple of extra special extras and Saturday surrounded  by many more. Sadly we also had to say a goodbye on Friday. My Grandfather passes away in the early hours. He was 97, sick and very tired and hopefully he is now resting in peace.

So, here I am at 7.28 sat in bed with hair like a crows nest (far too much hairspray) listening to the snores of the houseful of people and thanking my lucky stars that I have family and friends of the quality of mine. I am, indeed, one lucky girl.

I can't wait to see the photos.

My birthday - The Big 3-0

Sadly my actual birthday fell on a weekday which meant a very normal day of getting up and going to work. The difference today was cake! I spent most of yesterday morning making a collection of edible treats to take in to the office to brighten the day. My version of Angel cake (not with pink and cream coloured slices but with green and red and topped off with blue butter cream icing) certainly did the trick.

So how do I feel now that I have progressed into the next decade of my life? Surprisingly optimistic. This is the first birthday in about 3 years where I can see forward progress, a roadway leading to a future and a future I am exited by. I am not longer bemoaning the loss of years to a fruitless quest but looking forward to this being the year where we are approved as adopters and a suitable match is found and that this is my last birthday before I can be a mum (I know it might take longer but I am living with hope that there is a suitable family out there for us).

Tomorrow I am looking forward to an evening organised by my friends from Holbeach and District Ladies Circle (www.ladies-circle.org.uk). These ladies have been fabulous friends since I joined then and I would recommend Circle to any one looking for a way to become more involved in their local community as well as making friends and having a lovely time. 

Anyway wait for Sunday and part 2 - My birthday - The Party. The bit I am really excited about.