Yesterday we met the social worker of the children we are being linked to and she very kindly showed us some photographs of the children. They are absolutely beautiful! Nothing like I imagined from the descriptions on the profiles but still beautiful.
But it got me to thinking about when it might be best to show a prospective adoptive parent a photograph of a child. When we were first told about them we were given copies of their CPRs (their Child Permanence Reports). These documents told us everything about the children from significant dates, histories, physical appearance, preferences and relationships. But they did not include photographs – these had been specifically removed and many people around me were surprised by this.
I wasn’t.
I was pleased that we were able to form an attachment to these children because of what we knew about them and not what they looked like. One of my concerns from early in the process was that I would not be able to say to children once I had seen a photograph of them no matter what the issues surrounding them and I can see how dangerous this might be. The last thing that anyone wants is for children to go into the wrong adoptive placement as this causes nothing but pain and heartbreak for all involved. For many prospective adoptive parents, myself included, I have wanted a family so desperately for such a long time that I can see how easy it would be to accept a child or children that I knew might not be the best match.
I suppose that in this respect I am lucky as the children we being linked do look, sound and feel like the right match for us, last night’s appointment cemented that as we found a lot more about their personalities, their likes and dislikes and their relationships with the people around them.
The next steps is to wait for some more appointments - with the foster carer and the paediatrician for a start.
Glad to hear that things seem to be moving quickly, you must be very excited.
ReplyDeleteIf I could offer any advice, wanted or otherwise, to anyone being matched for adoption, based on our experience, and that of others who we've kept in touch with from our preparation group, it would be to make a huge list of questions to ask the foster carer, right down to very small details about play, sleep, eating problems, behaviour, behaviour of other children in the house that they will have witnessed, mannerisms, how independant or reliant they are, how much attention and company they're used to having, how they respond to changes, what upsets them, how they've been disciplined, what kind of things the foster carer has had to discipline them for, everything you can thing of, and make sure you're happy with the answers, and have confidence in the foster carer, before making a final decision on whether these are your children. They're the person or people who really know the children, the Social Worker will not know the child as well, and will generally be keen to present a good picture to place the children.
I hope everything moves smoothly and you have your family soon,
Best wishes,
Ilyssa