Today we tried another first - our first swimming trip.
I was feeling positive as they both love playing in the bath. It was great. Oldest loved splashing about on his own but also playing and swimming with us whilst littlest was so full of trust for us that she didn't want to wear her armbands and preferred to cling on to us to keep herself afloat. What this really hammered home was her trust in us.
That led me to thinking that both children have to trust us - to care for them, make sure they are clean, fed and warm as well as safe. I guess with birth children this comes with you providing care from the moment they are born but our children trusted other carers before us so the transfer of that trust is such a big thing for them.
I have to confess that I really enjoyed swimming and hope that we can take them every week - once I have located a costume which is a little more 'child friendly'. I never thought when I dragged out my tankini that the kids would be able to rearrange me whilst we were playing and on that front I nearly lost some of my dignity a couple of times.
This evening, with them tucked up and sleeping (plus husband snoring on the sofa) I can reflect on what a positive experience today has been along with the events of the last few days. I have tried a few new things from swimming to the toddler group to a music class and all of which has gone well, not perfectly but I never expected that, and it has given me the confidence to go back, to do these things again and to look for other things.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Reassured
Today I was brave, for the first time I found and attended a toddler group with smallest one and I had a lovely time. I got to talk to some other Mums as well as see how other children play and interact which was a lovely reassurance that our children really are doing ok. After dropping the oldest we went on an adventure to find the right building and once found everything was plain sailing.
I had such a lovely time I fully intend to go back to their 2 weekly sessions as there was so much for the children to do - lots of lovely toys including a huge box of musical instruments (which were a but hit), crafty activities, song time plus they organise special activities during the school holidays. I was also recommended other things that I do do with the children including messy play, story time at the library and music fun.
But anyway, the other thing that today taught me was that smallest one was happy to go off, play with other children and she was comfortable enough that although she did keep coming back to check I was still were she left me she was reassured that I was still there and she seemed to gain in confidence - even to telling me that she wants to go back again.
My personal highlight today was later in the afternoon - smallest was tired after her exciting day and oldest was exhausted after a long day in pre school and both wanted nothing else that to curl up on my knee and have cuddles and watch cartoons. It was such an amazing feeling to hold them close and remind myself that I am their Mummy.
I had such a lovely time I fully intend to go back to their 2 weekly sessions as there was so much for the children to do - lots of lovely toys including a huge box of musical instruments (which were a but hit), crafty activities, song time plus they organise special activities during the school holidays. I was also recommended other things that I do do with the children including messy play, story time at the library and music fun.
But anyway, the other thing that today taught me was that smallest one was happy to go off, play with other children and she was comfortable enough that although she did keep coming back to check I was still were she left me she was reassured that I was still there and she seemed to gain in confidence - even to telling me that she wants to go back again.
My personal highlight today was later in the afternoon - smallest was tired after her exciting day and oldest was exhausted after a long day in pre school and both wanted nothing else that to curl up on my knee and have cuddles and watch cartoons. It was such an amazing feeling to hold them close and remind myself that I am their Mummy.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Survivial of the fittest
and I don't mean my husband and I but rather our 2 long suffering moggies.
They both viewed the visits by the children with horror and took to hiding for the duration but all of a sudden they were here and not going anywhere at the end of the day and it was quite a shock for them.
At the moment they have fallen into a routine, get up when I do and have their breakfast quick then outside. During the day they seem to alternate between sleeping in the rooms that the children are not in and on the stairs in between the 2 stair gates - almost as if the stair gates is their comfort blanket, they must realise that the children can't get to them without our help. During the evenings they both come back out and have their 'fuss' time with us in the lounge before coming to bed with us.
It is taking time but one, the braver cat, is starting to be more and more brave and will now sit with the oldest child and allow some fuss but only on his terms and as soon as there is any giddiness he is off like a rocket. The other cat will barely tolerate being in the same room and that is when she knows that she is out of reach of grabbing hands. Right now, at past 7.30pm, they are both curled up doing what they do best - sleeping. In the same room as us.
I am hoping that with time, interaction and even more time they get used to small people around the house.
They both viewed the visits by the children with horror and took to hiding for the duration but all of a sudden they were here and not going anywhere at the end of the day and it was quite a shock for them.
At the moment they have fallen into a routine, get up when I do and have their breakfast quick then outside. During the day they seem to alternate between sleeping in the rooms that the children are not in and on the stairs in between the 2 stair gates - almost as if the stair gates is their comfort blanket, they must realise that the children can't get to them without our help. During the evenings they both come back out and have their 'fuss' time with us in the lounge before coming to bed with us.
It is taking time but one, the braver cat, is starting to be more and more brave and will now sit with the oldest child and allow some fuss but only on his terms and as soon as there is any giddiness he is off like a rocket. The other cat will barely tolerate being in the same room and that is when she knows that she is out of reach of grabbing hands. Right now, at past 7.30pm, they are both curled up doing what they do best - sleeping. In the same room as us.
I am hoping that with time, interaction and even more time they get used to small people around the house.
Monday, February 18, 2013
TV is my friend.
Now the children have been home for over a month I am started to feel a little less frazzled and a little more in control of what is going on. I am no longer worried about when I will get things done as I am getting used to doing things in the moments that the children are occupied.
The half term holiday has been challenging, more because I have been on my own for most of it because of my husband's shift patterns and also because I am still finding my feet as to what I can manage to do with them both at once and what is still a bit 'too much'. I have to say that having visitors is a double edged sword - it is so nice to have the company for the support and the conversation but it can mean a decline in behaviour as certainly the oldest takes the advantage to show off and see how far he can get because there is some one new in the house.
Today has been an interesting one - on my own for the majority and not only did I have no major tantrums or problems I also managed to get some things done as well. I managed to make cleaning a game so not only did I get the bedrooms cleaned but apparently it was great fun as well. We also managed to kick the football about in the garden for a little while and have a toy sort and swap (upstairs to downstairs). That one top of meals times, play time and bath time and we have had one full day, fingers crossed that tomorrow is as good if not better.
The last few days I have tried a few new things including painting and play dough (thanks to my sister for making it for me) so we have options of activities and although there are a few things I am not brave enough to do with both on my own I am much more comfortable when they are sat to the table strapped into their booster seats.
The thing that I have realisedover the last few days is that the TV is my friend! They can sit and watch things from Disney films to CBBebies (some of which is even educational) and I am not a bad Mum for doing it, I am not ignoring them or doing them any harm and it gives me a moment to breathe, prepare the next meal, snack or drink, organise the next activity or just go to the loo (on my own).
The half term holiday has been challenging, more because I have been on my own for most of it because of my husband's shift patterns and also because I am still finding my feet as to what I can manage to do with them both at once and what is still a bit 'too much'. I have to say that having visitors is a double edged sword - it is so nice to have the company for the support and the conversation but it can mean a decline in behaviour as certainly the oldest takes the advantage to show off and see how far he can get because there is some one new in the house.
Today has been an interesting one - on my own for the majority and not only did I have no major tantrums or problems I also managed to get some things done as well. I managed to make cleaning a game so not only did I get the bedrooms cleaned but apparently it was great fun as well. We also managed to kick the football about in the garden for a little while and have a toy sort and swap (upstairs to downstairs). That one top of meals times, play time and bath time and we have had one full day, fingers crossed that tomorrow is as good if not better.
The last few days I have tried a few new things including painting and play dough (thanks to my sister for making it for me) so we have options of activities and although there are a few things I am not brave enough to do with both on my own I am much more comfortable when they are sat to the table strapped into their booster seats.
The thing that I have realisedover the last few days is that the TV is my friend! They can sit and watch things from Disney films to CBBebies (some of which is even educational) and I am not a bad Mum for doing it, I am not ignoring them or doing them any harm and it gives me a moment to breathe, prepare the next meal, snack or drink, organise the next activity or just go to the loo (on my own).
Monday, February 11, 2013
How brave am I?
This week has seen us try to get into something of a routine - preschool has started for the oldest for 2 full days and 1 half day each week and luckily he has settled there really well and we are hearing nothing but good things about him. Youngest has really enjoyed the quality 1 to 1 the she has been getting so our next challenge is to offer oldest the same opportunity.
With the return of my husband to work I have been learning how to manage 2 small child whilst also doing the necessities of the day. It has been an interesting and steep learning curve. But I am managing. I am also perfecting the art of counting to 10 and practising the mantra 'pick your battles'. I did manage to take the out on my own - sucessfully and without any tears, once to do the food shopping and to do the preschool run. The latter was quick, easy and the children knew exactly what to expect as we have done it as a family of 4. The first I was slightly more nervous of but we wrote our lists and a shopping trolley that fit them both in and they helped all the way round meaning I got home feeling a lot more confident about being able to get out of the house with them both.
We are experiencing some behavioural problems as we expected, mainly focused around the children trying to control their circumstances and situation. We are still trying to be as consistent as possible but I have to confess that on occasion the screaming really does get to me. There are no tears usually, just opened mouthed screaming that is designed to get a response. It is something that is putting me off doing some things with them both at once - it is expected behaviour and it shows that they are comfortable and settling with us but I can see that an outsider might see them as being naughty and I don't want to have to explain myself or them to strangers at groups or similar just yet.
Anyway tomorrow is a new day, I am on my own and there is nothing planned or that needs to be done meaning I am free to do whatever I fancy. The question is, how brave am I?
With the return of my husband to work I have been learning how to manage 2 small child whilst also doing the necessities of the day. It has been an interesting and steep learning curve. But I am managing. I am also perfecting the art of counting to 10 and practising the mantra 'pick your battles'. I did manage to take the out on my own - sucessfully and without any tears, once to do the food shopping and to do the preschool run. The latter was quick, easy and the children knew exactly what to expect as we have done it as a family of 4. The first I was slightly more nervous of but we wrote our lists and a shopping trolley that fit them both in and they helped all the way round meaning I got home feeling a lot more confident about being able to get out of the house with them both.
We are experiencing some behavioural problems as we expected, mainly focused around the children trying to control their circumstances and situation. We are still trying to be as consistent as possible but I have to confess that on occasion the screaming really does get to me. There are no tears usually, just opened mouthed screaming that is designed to get a response. It is something that is putting me off doing some things with them both at once - it is expected behaviour and it shows that they are comfortable and settling with us but I can see that an outsider might see them as being naughty and I don't want to have to explain myself or them to strangers at groups or similar just yet.
Anyway tomorrow is a new day, I am on my own and there is nothing planned or that needs to be done meaning I am free to do whatever I fancy. The question is, how brave am I?
Monday, February 4, 2013
2 weeks!
I have sat down this evening and realised that it has been a while since I updated my blog in a calm and none emotional so I figured it was about time. I also realised that they have been home for over 2 weeks and they have flown by.
The last 2 days have been the hardest for 2 reasons. Firstly my husband had to go back to work yesterday meaning I had to manage on my own and secondly because the littlest one is poorly. The last 2 weeks have seen some amazing highs - the smiles, the laughs, the cuddles and kisses are more than I ever dreamed of. Starting to introduce them to people has been challenging but worth it and we have cracked bath time and 95% of meal times for which I am over the moon. We have managed a trip to the park, play time in the snow (and a huge snowman), shopping and walks. What I need to do know is be confident enough to take them out on my own. Today was the first time I tried it and it was to the doctors which could have been better - when we left the poorly one was grumpy and other one screaming due to the lack of attention and the telling off for playing up.
I know that the social workers are happy as the children are testing their boundaries with us and we are trying to be as consistent as possible. My mantras today has been 'count to 10' and 'it is a test, they want to know we are there for them'. I know that they can be well behaved children, I have seen it! I am hoping with time those children will come back as they will be a joy to take places and do things with. It really does make me feel better when they say we are doing ok and that they have no concerns especially give the bruises - they are both so boisterous that they keep appearing!
I am hoping to try again tomorrow - sleep, weather and behaviour permitting but I am really looking forward to my husband's next day off work as well as the start of pre school for the oldest.
Roll on the next 2 weeks and the 2 weeks after them as things can only get better and we have lots to do.
The last 2 days have been the hardest for 2 reasons. Firstly my husband had to go back to work yesterday meaning I had to manage on my own and secondly because the littlest one is poorly. The last 2 weeks have seen some amazing highs - the smiles, the laughs, the cuddles and kisses are more than I ever dreamed of. Starting to introduce them to people has been challenging but worth it and we have cracked bath time and 95% of meal times for which I am over the moon. We have managed a trip to the park, play time in the snow (and a huge snowman), shopping and walks. What I need to do know is be confident enough to take them out on my own. Today was the first time I tried it and it was to the doctors which could have been better - when we left the poorly one was grumpy and other one screaming due to the lack of attention and the telling off for playing up.
I know that the social workers are happy as the children are testing their boundaries with us and we are trying to be as consistent as possible. My mantras today has been 'count to 10' and 'it is a test, they want to know we are there for them'. I know that they can be well behaved children, I have seen it! I am hoping with time those children will come back as they will be a joy to take places and do things with. It really does make me feel better when they say we are doing ok and that they have no concerns especially give the bruises - they are both so boisterous that they keep appearing!
I am hoping to try again tomorrow - sleep, weather and behaviour permitting but I am really looking forward to my husband's next day off work as well as the start of pre school for the oldest.
Roll on the next 2 weeks and the 2 weeks after them as things can only get better and we have lots to do.
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