I am a great one for planning ahead, I like to know what is going to happen, when and all the details surrounding, I do get overly nervous when I don't know so today I have 'bitten the bullet' so to speak and completed the application form for a school place for our oldest today.
We have taken a great deal of time and care looking at local schools - we have looked at websites, visited the sites and talked to lots of other parents with children who have attended, are attending or want to attend the various schools around us. Mainly we have listened to our eldest whom we have tried to involve as much as possible and he has clearly stated a preference for one school. It is one of the smaller schools (although not the smallest). It has lovely outdoor facilities which suit his interests and his love of being outside running about perfectly. It also has a swimming pool which has blown my mind! I have never come across a school that wasn't private with a swimming pool and I have never attended one. When I went swimming with school it was in secondary school (so age 11 plus) and we walked to a local pool.
All of it means that once the applications opened we were ready and prepared so it was a piece of cake to get the forms filled in and sent off. What we have to do now is wait.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Two Children, One Mummy
After reading this post on a blog I like to keep up with: Ruby + Lottie I made the choice to write this post as is resounded with me.
On a practical level taking on 2 children at once has been difficult. I have to tailor activities to suit the difference in ages and preferences plus I have to make sure that my time is shared as equally as possible between the children especially as they both have issues surrounding jealousy if they think the other is getting more attention. Going out is harder with 2 than with 1 and I have only 2 hands when I am trying to do anything! The silly thing that never occurred to me was that they walk at different speeds which means I feel like I am forever asking one to slow down and the other to keep up!
I feel like I have talked a lot about attachment previously and most of that has been focused around the children's attachment to us however this evening I am thinking more about how I attached to the children. When we first met the children they were strangers to us - it didn't matter that we knew about their histories and had been given so much information about them, they were still strangers to us and we had to take time to get to know them. It is hard to say that I attached to one faster than the other, I love them both dearly but there were times when I struggled to 'like' one but it feels like it was linked to how hard I found it to deal with the behaviours that they presented.
The reaction most people have to me when they realise that we took on 2 children at once is 'you're brave'. Were we brave? Probably. But we knew it would hard work, it has been harder than we expected but then it has been more rewarded as we see the progress both children have made since they came to us so at the end of the day I do believe that we made the right choice and I would make the same decision again.
I never expected to fall in love with them straight away, I knew it would take time but it was quicker than I anticipated but I never expected that I never expected that I would react to the children differently which is daft really as they are very different characters. What matters is that there is room in my heart for them both, there always was and there always will be.
On a practical level taking on 2 children at once has been difficult. I have to tailor activities to suit the difference in ages and preferences plus I have to make sure that my time is shared as equally as possible between the children especially as they both have issues surrounding jealousy if they think the other is getting more attention. Going out is harder with 2 than with 1 and I have only 2 hands when I am trying to do anything! The silly thing that never occurred to me was that they walk at different speeds which means I feel like I am forever asking one to slow down and the other to keep up!
I feel like I have talked a lot about attachment previously and most of that has been focused around the children's attachment to us however this evening I am thinking more about how I attached to the children. When we first met the children they were strangers to us - it didn't matter that we knew about their histories and had been given so much information about them, they were still strangers to us and we had to take time to get to know them. It is hard to say that I attached to one faster than the other, I love them both dearly but there were times when I struggled to 'like' one but it feels like it was linked to how hard I found it to deal with the behaviours that they presented.
The reaction most people have to me when they realise that we took on 2 children at once is 'you're brave'. Were we brave? Probably. But we knew it would hard work, it has been harder than we expected but then it has been more rewarded as we see the progress both children have made since they came to us so at the end of the day I do believe that we made the right choice and I would make the same decision again.
I never expected to fall in love with them straight away, I knew it would take time but it was quicker than I anticipated but I never expected that I never expected that I would react to the children differently which is daft really as they are very different characters. What matters is that there is room in my heart for them both, there always was and there always will be.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Give a Hug.
World Prematurity Day
17 November
Bliss
An online friend asked for volunteers to support this campaign, something she has worked so hard for since her son was born early. The campaign is 'Give a hug'. Something that it seems that the parents of premature babies don't get to do that much during the early days and sometimes for such a long time. It feels very sad to have a child and not be able to hold them. The idea of the campaign is to raise awareness and that was good enough for me to volunteer.
My own journey to having children has been, as documented, different from many and so I do feel in some ways that I have missed out on some of the hugs that I would have liked. But, having the children home now means that every time they want a hug, they ask for a cuddle or even just to hold my hand I do my best to drop everything and enjoy those precious seconds where they want the physical contact and the affection.
Something that not many people know is that both my children were born early. They were not born to me, I wasn't there and I have only limited information about their births and very early days. I don't know if they were hugged and the chances are I never will. I can't change that, I can't make it up to them but I can fill their future with hugs.
Another story I would share is one from foster carers that I met recently. They were aware of a child due to be born who would be going straight into their care and that baby girl was born with many health problems and those foster carers became aware that she was in SCBU all alone with no visitors. They took it upon themselves to visit, to spend time talking to her and, when they were allowed, holding her to help her to form attachments. They since went on to not only foster that little girl but also adopt her so it feels nice that they were able to be there for her and that those early hugs have lead to something wonderful for them all.
Many looked after children are often very careful about hugs. It is not unusual for children to wait a long time to build a trusting relationship before they will ask for hug and for some it is hard for them to even accept one and our children were not an exception. Youngest small was very accepting of us when we first met, she gladly offered a hug goodbye the first time we met. It took oldest a lot longer and the upheaval of their actual move to us meant that we started afresh. Youngest is a child who loves to be held, she is always cuddling her soft toys and asking to be cuddled or to be sat on your knee and they are moments that I love, moments that I treasure. Oldest is different. He rarely asks for a hug, he doesn't mind an arm around him when he is tired but hugs are not the same. He will happily give you a hug if you ask him but he rarely asks. A few days ago he marched up me, wearing a sheep mask, plonked himself on my knee and just said 'cuddle me mummy'. My heart melted and I held him tight for as long as he wanted. It was a moment that will remain with me forever, I loved every single second.
To end this post I will set a challenge to those that have taken the time to read this - go and hug the people that are dear to you, not just the children in your life but everyone who is special to you.
17 November
Bliss
An online friend asked for volunteers to support this campaign, something she has worked so hard for since her son was born early. The campaign is 'Give a hug'. Something that it seems that the parents of premature babies don't get to do that much during the early days and sometimes for such a long time. It feels very sad to have a child and not be able to hold them. The idea of the campaign is to raise awareness and that was good enough for me to volunteer.
My own journey to having children has been, as documented, different from many and so I do feel in some ways that I have missed out on some of the hugs that I would have liked. But, having the children home now means that every time they want a hug, they ask for a cuddle or even just to hold my hand I do my best to drop everything and enjoy those precious seconds where they want the physical contact and the affection.
Something that not many people know is that both my children were born early. They were not born to me, I wasn't there and I have only limited information about their births and very early days. I don't know if they were hugged and the chances are I never will. I can't change that, I can't make it up to them but I can fill their future with hugs.
Another story I would share is one from foster carers that I met recently. They were aware of a child due to be born who would be going straight into their care and that baby girl was born with many health problems and those foster carers became aware that she was in SCBU all alone with no visitors. They took it upon themselves to visit, to spend time talking to her and, when they were allowed, holding her to help her to form attachments. They since went on to not only foster that little girl but also adopt her so it feels nice that they were able to be there for her and that those early hugs have lead to something wonderful for them all.
Many looked after children are often very careful about hugs. It is not unusual for children to wait a long time to build a trusting relationship before they will ask for hug and for some it is hard for them to even accept one and our children were not an exception. Youngest small was very accepting of us when we first met, she gladly offered a hug goodbye the first time we met. It took oldest a lot longer and the upheaval of their actual move to us meant that we started afresh. Youngest is a child who loves to be held, she is always cuddling her soft toys and asking to be cuddled or to be sat on your knee and they are moments that I love, moments that I treasure. Oldest is different. He rarely asks for a hug, he doesn't mind an arm around him when he is tired but hugs are not the same. He will happily give you a hug if you ask him but he rarely asks. A few days ago he marched up me, wearing a sheep mask, plonked himself on my knee and just said 'cuddle me mummy'. My heart melted and I held him tight for as long as he wanted. It was a moment that will remain with me forever, I loved every single second.
To end this post I will set a challenge to those that have taken the time to read this - go and hug the people that are dear to you, not just the children in your life but everyone who is special to you.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Christmas - The run up
It feels early to be talking about Christmas but it feels like the shops have been full of decorations and gift ideas for weeks already. This week youngest small has declared that 'Father Christmas has whiskers, just like the cat' and they have both started their wish lists which include watches, cameras and spiderman suits. I have found the address to send the letters off so my next job is to get them sorted and posted off.
Our plans for this year remain unchanged from he decision we made in January. Christmas day is going to be for the 4 of us. No visiting, no visitors and we plan to remain as low-key as possible. We are not going overboard buying presents and we plan to be careful so as not to over face the children. There will be a visit to a local Father Christmas. At the same time we will also choose our tree together (I do love a real tree) and at the same time the children will be allowed to choose a new decoration each for the tree.
I plan to get the children to make Christmas cards for those nearest and dearest to us and I am hoping that we can find some other crafty Christmas based things that the children can enjoy making and then giving as gifts.
We are very aware that whilst this year will be a quiet one we do want to start some traditions based on those of our families. I want to hammer home that Christmas should not be all about the children (as has been said to me so many times in recent years) but rather Christmas is all about family. Being with our family and treasuring that time.
Our plans for this year remain unchanged from he decision we made in January. Christmas day is going to be for the 4 of us. No visiting, no visitors and we plan to remain as low-key as possible. We are not going overboard buying presents and we plan to be careful so as not to over face the children. There will be a visit to a local Father Christmas. At the same time we will also choose our tree together (I do love a real tree) and at the same time the children will be allowed to choose a new decoration each for the tree.
I plan to get the children to make Christmas cards for those nearest and dearest to us and I am hoping that we can find some other crafty Christmas based things that the children can enjoy making and then giving as gifts.
We are very aware that whilst this year will be a quiet one we do want to start some traditions based on those of our families. I want to hammer home that Christmas should not be all about the children (as has been said to me so many times in recent years) but rather Christmas is all about family. Being with our family and treasuring that time.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
My battle.
Eczema.
It is something I have battled since I was little but, until recently, I had it beaten. It was under control and I was on top of it. Something slipped. I am not sure whether it was my raised stress less, increased tiredness or I simply lacked the time to keep using moisturising creams morning and night.
So, what it is. This place explains it better than I could;
http://www.eczema.org/
All I would say for myself is that it is a nightmare. I was waking in the night clawing at my arms because they were itching so much. My skin was red raw, broken and bleeding in places and I had to wear long sleeves to hide them whilst I was desperate to leave them open to the air to try and help them to heal.
It all came to a head when my mum came for the day and stayed to help with bath time, a time I love for the fun but dread because it was so painful, my eczema being concentrating on my hands, wrists and forearms. I also have patches at the back of my knees and my inner thighs. At its very worst I eve had it on my eye lids. My mum saw my arms and was horrified. That night I did something I had not needed to do since childhood. I slept, coated in cream and wearing gloves plus bandaged to my armpits to stop me scratching and doing any more damage.
It also meant that at the weekend I had to watch the smalls go swimming with Daddy and Grandad. They love swimming, they are so confident in the water, they will jump in and swimming about playing sharks and trying to swim without their armbands and much as it was lovely to watch I would much rather have been in the pool with them.
I have spent the last 4 nights sleeping exactly the same and my arms are miles better but still healing. It was a harsh reminder that I need to take the time to look after myself otherwise I am of no use to anyone, least of all my children.
It is something I have battled since I was little but, until recently, I had it beaten. It was under control and I was on top of it. Something slipped. I am not sure whether it was my raised stress less, increased tiredness or I simply lacked the time to keep using moisturising creams morning and night.
So, what it is. This place explains it better than I could;
http://www.eczema.org/
All I would say for myself is that it is a nightmare. I was waking in the night clawing at my arms because they were itching so much. My skin was red raw, broken and bleeding in places and I had to wear long sleeves to hide them whilst I was desperate to leave them open to the air to try and help them to heal.
It all came to a head when my mum came for the day and stayed to help with bath time, a time I love for the fun but dread because it was so painful, my eczema being concentrating on my hands, wrists and forearms. I also have patches at the back of my knees and my inner thighs. At its very worst I eve had it on my eye lids. My mum saw my arms and was horrified. That night I did something I had not needed to do since childhood. I slept, coated in cream and wearing gloves plus bandaged to my armpits to stop me scratching and doing any more damage.
It also meant that at the weekend I had to watch the smalls go swimming with Daddy and Grandad. They love swimming, they are so confident in the water, they will jump in and swimming about playing sharks and trying to swim without their armbands and much as it was lovely to watch I would much rather have been in the pool with them.
I have spent the last 4 nights sleeping exactly the same and my arms are miles better but still healing. It was a harsh reminder that I need to take the time to look after myself otherwise I am of no use to anyone, least of all my children.
A sleepover
During half term my husband and I had a chance for another first. Leaving the children with grandparents overnight. We talked about it, worried that it was too soon and worried that if we left it too long we would never do it and decided to take the plunge.
We booked tickets for Sing-a-long Rocky Horror Picture Show and a hotel room for the night, all less than 30 minutes away from my parents where the children would be staying. We then worried a lot more. We knew the children like sleeping at Grandma's house, we have done so a few times and they have always enjoyed it. Plus they love their Grandparents so in the end we decided we had nothing to worry about.
Our evening was fabulous. We went out for a nice meal, a meal where we got to eat our meals whilst they were still hot and we didn't have to share. The show was amazing. Not exactly child friendly which made a nice change and then we got to wake up when we were ready and not by a small voice declaring 'Mummy I want a wee wee'. But. A nice but. I missed them. I missed tucking them into bed, I missed kissing them goodnight and I missed them climbing into bed with us in the morning and bouncing about until one of us decided to get up and make breakfast.
But we did need the time on our own. I think looking after the children, rewarding as it is, is exceptionally hard work and having that break made me realise it even more. We needed the time for us, so we could remember why we are together and what makes us so strong.
We were back at my parents house in the morning much earlier than any one expected. It was lovely that they greeted us at the door with lots of cuddles like they had really missed us no matter how much fun they had with Grandma and Grandad. Oldest small had not had the best night sadly, he had not slept well and we think he has been worried about us coming back so we are really hoping that this has set us up for next time so he has the confidence to know that we will always come back for him.
We booked tickets for Sing-a-long Rocky Horror Picture Show and a hotel room for the night, all less than 30 minutes away from my parents where the children would be staying. We then worried a lot more. We knew the children like sleeping at Grandma's house, we have done so a few times and they have always enjoyed it. Plus they love their Grandparents so in the end we decided we had nothing to worry about.
Our evening was fabulous. We went out for a nice meal, a meal where we got to eat our meals whilst they were still hot and we didn't have to share. The show was amazing. Not exactly child friendly which made a nice change and then we got to wake up when we were ready and not by a small voice declaring 'Mummy I want a wee wee'. But. A nice but. I missed them. I missed tucking them into bed, I missed kissing them goodnight and I missed them climbing into bed with us in the morning and bouncing about until one of us decided to get up and make breakfast.
But we did need the time on our own. I think looking after the children, rewarding as it is, is exceptionally hard work and having that break made me realise it even more. We needed the time for us, so we could remember why we are together and what makes us so strong.
We were back at my parents house in the morning much earlier than any one expected. It was lovely that they greeted us at the door with lots of cuddles like they had really missed us no matter how much fun they had with Grandma and Grandad. Oldest small had not had the best night sadly, he had not slept well and we think he has been worried about us coming back so we are really hoping that this has set us up for next time so he has the confidence to know that we will always come back for him.
Halloween
Half term is over and we are back into the swing of school and, much as I love having the children home, the routine of school is comforting and it also means I have a little bit of me time again as well as time to regain a little bit of order in the chaos that I call home. We have also enjoyed our first Halloween.
The smalls got to dress up for pre school - one chose to be a ladybird and the other a skeleton pirate and after school I took them to nanny and grandad's to do the only trick or treating I had planned. As I never went as a child it is not something I am overly comfortable with. But we went, they were admired and sweets were eaten. I think that they may be eating those sweets until Christmas but it was nice to be able to get dressed up and make the effort.
Our big task for the season was the pumpkins. I got 4, grown by a friend and we dutifully set to with knives (me and my husband), spoons and hands! We had great fun chopping the tops off and scooping out their insides before carving out the faces that the smalls drew for us. After bath time, in the dark they were loaded with tea lights and we all marvelled at them, another something we had done as a family, another first.
In other news, oldest small had his first party initiation from a friend at school this week and he is really excited about going. After the problems with behaviour at the end of last term it has been nice that he has returned to his lovely 'good' self with his key workers even complimenting his helping sat tidy up time. He still has blips but he is 4 years old and no is perfect all the time.
We are also trying to quell our excitement as we see the shops starting to go in to Christmas mode, more about in the weeks to come.
The smalls got to dress up for pre school - one chose to be a ladybird and the other a skeleton pirate and after school I took them to nanny and grandad's to do the only trick or treating I had planned. As I never went as a child it is not something I am overly comfortable with. But we went, they were admired and sweets were eaten. I think that they may be eating those sweets until Christmas but it was nice to be able to get dressed up and make the effort.
Our big task for the season was the pumpkins. I got 4, grown by a friend and we dutifully set to with knives (me and my husband), spoons and hands! We had great fun chopping the tops off and scooping out their insides before carving out the faces that the smalls drew for us. After bath time, in the dark they were loaded with tea lights and we all marvelled at them, another something we had done as a family, another first.
In other news, oldest small had his first party initiation from a friend at school this week and he is really excited about going. After the problems with behaviour at the end of last term it has been nice that he has returned to his lovely 'good' self with his key workers even complimenting his helping sat tidy up time. He still has blips but he is 4 years old and no is perfect all the time.
We are also trying to quell our excitement as we see the shops starting to go in to Christmas mode, more about in the weeks to come.
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