Half term

I normally really look forward to half term. It is a week when I had the children home, we could plan to do all the fun things that being in school sometimes got in the way of and it meant more family time. Now I am back at work it presented a different challenge. How to ensure that the children were looked after all week which out having to put them into holiday clubs. I feel very strongly that school holidays are just that, holidays from the school setting and children need those breaks to recharge themselves.

We are very lucky in that my husband works shifts so he was home for 3 days of the week. That left us with 2 days to cover – easy, a day of annual leave each.

I made plans for my day, I wanted a day that we could enjoy especially as I do feel that I am missing out being at work full time. The weather wasn’t too good and the morning didn’t start as planned. Youngest got out of bed and we had a trip to the doctors for antibiotics for a chest infection but we made some fun of it taking teddies with us to make sure that they were ok. Our next stop was the hairdressers and once again teddy was treated to a wash, cut and dry (minus the scissors).

Next stop was back home for refuelling. Smallest being poorly meant that food was not something high on her agenda and with both children obviously tired from the long half term I suggested a rest. What happened next was nothing short of miraculous. Both children snuggled down in their beds, with no fuss and slept. Unheard of. Oldest for an hour, smallest for 2 hours – both on the promise that they could choose what they wanted to do once they got up. Oldest very quickly chose to watch the Narnia film – the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, one of his favourites and he was as good as gold watching it with me until youngest woke up and joined us.

After this it was time for tea – both children love to help so I had planned a meal that they could help with. Oldest is gaining in confidence using a small knife to cut mushrooms and peppers and smallest has plenty if fun cutting out pastry shapes for pie tops but on this day I decided that we could make burgers. Beef mince, seasoning, an egg each plus some grated onion and celery and they got their hands in making the burgers for me to cook. The next job was setting the table with cutlery, drinks, sauces, salad and bread cakes.  

 Our after tea routine is the same every day – finish eating, upstairs for a toilet stop, washing hands and face and then play time until bath time. We find that keeping the routine the same keeps the children grounded, changes can cause a great deal of uncertainty and the resulting fuss is not something we find supportive of a good bed time routine. Bath time is followed by PJs, hair dried, tooth brushing and then into a bed for story time. One of my favourite times but more on that at a later date.

Both children were fast asleep within moments once we settled them – my husband having arrived home mid-bath time leaving us to have a quiet evening but I went to bed happy that my day during half term had been as good as I could make it, not perfect but it didn’t matter.

Looking to the future there are a lot of school holidays to cover – the long one in the summer being one that is slightly scary as we have to find a way to cope and I would be unrealistic to say that we would never resort to using the holiday clubs available. We just don’t have enough annual leave to cover everything – even with the shift patterns that my husband works. 

The Reality of Being a Working Mum

I have been back in work for 4 weeks now and the reality of it all has really hit home.

Guilt. Lots of it. My time has suddenly  become so much more precious as I have so little of it to spend enjoying the company of my children.

Why? 37 hours a week sat at my desk. Added to that a further hour and a half each day driving there and back. Adding their bed times means that my time with them during the week is limited and sometimes it is less than 2 hours a day. I figured that I would be able to make more effort at the weekends but we are all so tired - it is a long week for us all and it feels like the average Saturday is a calm and chilled out day where we all recharge our batteries. it doesn't leave much scope for doing some of the more exciting things in life.

I am really looking forward to half term as taking some holidays will mean that I get chance to spend some quality time but I don't have enough annual leave to do that for every holiday that they children get. For now my plan is to concentrate on the weekend, each one as it comes and hopefully we can do some of the fun things that are on the calmer side. I am sure that given time the school routine will become easier for them and, hopefully, for me too.

Guest Speaking

This week I have received an invitation to be a guest speaker.

I am so very excited as it will be at a prepare to adopt course - a course I attended 2 years ago! I remember listening to the adopter that spoke at our course, she was excellent. She was open and honest about her experiences and welcomed all the questions that were thrown at her.

If I had a time machine I might make a moment to visit myself from 2 years ago and tell myself that one day I would stood there, sharing my experiences with other people about to embark about the most amazing journey I have ever been on.

An expedition

Today we have been on an expedition to a large, well known retailer of toys. We were looking for ideas for youngest as it is soon to be her 3rd birthday and her second since she came home. It is exciting as this starts the round of 'seconds', that is the second of everything that they have had with us like birthdays, Easter, summer and will end with Christmas. We are really hoping that once we have had round 2 that they children will be even more settled and that they might start to accept that this really is forever.

Anyway, back to the expedition. We needed ideas. We had already planned to get her a proper bike which is on order (I am beyond excited as she is going to be over the moon when she sees it) but we wanted other ideas so we figured wandering round and seeing what she liked the look of. It didn't really work. She liked everything and nothing. I keep looking at the toys that I loved as a child - lego, play mobil, sylvanian families, my little pony - and I can't remember how old I was when I played with these things.

I think there is a lot more work to do but all of it is going to be lots of fun.

a day late but still important to me.

This post is a day late but I still want to mark the moment. 

One year ago exactly life changed forever.

Our children came home. This is the post that I wrote: http://anewroad-vicfish.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/p-day_18.html

It feels like only yesterday that we collected them and brought them home. I remember that there was snow on the ground and it was freezing cold. Looking back I knew that life would never be the same again and I knew that we would have ups and downs. I knew that it would be hard. In some ways it has been harder than I ever expected and in others it has not. I have enjoyed so much and there have been moments that haven't been quite so much fun.

So much has changed! The children have grown not only in height but in confidence, knowledge and ability. Our home has changed and is much more focused around them. As has the way we travel, to be honest every aspect of our lives centres around them.

Roll on the next year.

The Wicked Witch of here.

This week I feel like the Wicked Witch of the East. This has been my first week back at work and I will confess that I am enjoying the adult conversation, the stimulation and the sense of purpose and achievement. What I am not loving is the commute and what I really hate is leaving the children in childcare.

I know that I am lucky in that my husband is a shift worker so depending on his rotation we are only reliant upon childcare for either 2 or 3 days a week. But those days are really hard. This week it has been 3 days – on 2 of them I have dropped the children off at preschool early and then relied upon a childminder to collect them and feed them before I could collect them. On the 3^rd day, yesterday, I relied on the preschool for early morning and after school hours.  Oldest was fine, his friend was right behind him and he ran off happily to play. Youngest however was not fine. She was really clingy and whilst there were no tears she did not want to leave. Her plea for me to come and get her nearly broke my heart. It didn’t seem to matter how many times I tell her that I will always come and get her there is still an insecurity there especially when I have to collect her latter than is her expected normality. When I collected them both they were shattered, completely beyond tired and it didn't get any better.

This morning they were still tired, so much so that today has been a complete right off. Smallest is so tired that she is also a bit poorly which is heartbreaking as I feel like it is my fault. That if she had not been in child care so much this week she would have been ok.

I have to confess that I am also struggling with time. I feel like, in the mornings, I am rushing them to get ready, eat a decent breakfast and then get out of the house so I can get to work on time. In the evenings we have a little time for play, a good time for some fun in the bath, story time and then it is bed – I have 2 hours with them and it doesn’t feel like enough. We considered a later bedtime but the children have had long days and are shattered so they need the sleep.

 

As it is the last day weekend tomorrow I fully intend to spend the time with them, I can’t make up for the time I miss during the week but I can make the time that I have the best it possibly can be. I just hope that a good night's sleep is had and they are feeling better in the morning.   

A year later. . .

What a difference a year makes.

One year ago today we had only just met our children for the first time. We were in the middle of introductions and they hadn't moved in yet.

They were so small, stood next to each other looking at the doorway as we walked in. The photos from last year are so different to ones we have from this week.

As it stands I have one sleep before I return to work and I am terrified. Terrified that we have made the right choices concerning childcare arrangements. Terrified that the children will think I have abandoned them. Terrified that I will be able to fit everything into a week - the whole 37 hours at work plus the commute, collecting and dropping off the children, making sure they have good meals, the food shopping, the cleaning, the washing, the ironing and, most importantly, having time to spend just playing with the children without being so tired that it is not fun.

I know that I have to live it before I will know. I also know that I am not on my own - my husband is, as ever, my rock and my family are doing all they can but at the end of the day I need to do what is best and plenty of happy, healthy children have both their parents who go to work full time. I should be grateful that my husband's shift patterns mean that he doesn't work any more than 3 days a week (most weeks) so he will be there for them.

Ask me in a couple of weeks if I manage it.