After the events of the last few days I am left with bitter sweet feelings.
Does the fact that I did not give birth to my children make me any less of a parent? Any less of a mother?
I have been set off on my rant by the media storm and my interpretation of the comment made by Catherine as she and Prince William left the hospital for the first time with their baby son in their arms. Whilst I wish them every happiness it does hammer home to me that not everyone has their happy pregnancy, a labour, a birth. Some parents have to fight through mountains of paperwork, social workers and children with difficult and often distressing pasts, usually after nightmares like infertility.
It has been hard over the last 48 hours and maybe that is the infertile, barren old hag that I some time turn into, less frequently that I used to but she is still there, buried inside me waiting for opportunities to rear her ugly head and turn me into some one that I am not sure that I like. Every time I have turned on the TV I have been bombarded with news concerning the royal couple, my only escape seemed to be the children's channels. It has been hard to escape the reminder that it was never my path to have my children the 'normal' way. I guess it hasn't helped that I have seen some challenging behaviour over the past few days so my patience is already in short supply.
The bright spark then puts 2 and 2 together, makes 4 and says that maybe it has been my mood that has caused some of the behaviours and been the cause of my own problems. Highly likely.
The other bright spark would say that I am overly sensitive to this issue and I have misinterpreted a tired and overly emotional young women who has just had a baby. Maybe but I have never been there. I am neither daft, stupid nor overly naïve so I accept that some times people are unintentionally offended when none was meant and, like I already said, I am happy that they have been lucky and they have a healthy baby. My bitterness is my own. For me. It is the same when friends and family are lucky enough to go through the same, the difference is those I can usually hide from whilst still living my life and keeping up to date with the happens in the world around me.
Tomorrow is another day.
A day I need to be grateful that I have been strong enough to fight for the children that have been given into my care and that they are amazing children whom I love dearly and with less than a week before our adoption application goes before the judge I am going forget everything but them and I am not going to turn the TV on.
No comments:
Post a Comment