As part of the process we were asked to provide contact details for people who would be prepared to stand as references for us. When we first thought about this we went though people we knew well, people we considered to be good friends and those we were close to as well as those who know us well and we thought would offer a balanced view of us.
In the end we choose 8 people (we needed a minimum of 5 and a maximum of 10) and duly returned that set of forms. It was hard to narrow down to these 8 and even harder when we knew that only 2 could be family members. We expected that these people would be contacted once our preperation course was complete and our application well underway.
We were wrong.
It took our local authority less than 3 weeks to write to 4 of these 8 and I was absolutly amazed. All shared with us very quickly the news that these letters had been recieved and of the 4 I was grateful that 3 also sent us a copy of the reference that had been written and submitted. To say I was touched by the things that had been written was a massive understatment. All 3 letters moved me to tears and I was astounded that the people nearest to us thought so highly of us and of our dreams of becoming parents.
I think the lesson that I have learnt from this part of the appliaction process is that the way people view you can never be presumed or anticipated. It can never be underestimated either. I am grateful to all my family and friends from those who recorded kind words in these letters, to those who offered to be referees who we haven't been able to include, to those who are just there and supportive. I just hope that I am able to be as good a friend to them as they have been to me whether that be now or in the future.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
New Year Resolutions
I figure if I put my New Year resolutions here, having spent some time thinking about them, then I have a record of them plus people might have seen them so I have to stick to them so in the spirit of positive 2012 vibes:
1) Loose weight.
I say it every year but this year I want to loose enough weight (and inches) to get back into size 16 trousers. I am not going to weigh myself fanatically but I am going to watch what I eat, consider my calories and increase my exercise.
2) Enjoy spending more time with Andrew
I married him for a reason! He has a great sense of fun and me being a misery is not helping. I need to remember how to be spontaneous and how to enjoy things that aren't planned.
And finally,
3) Always look on the bright side
I am far too guilty of being the 'negative Norman' in the corner pointing out all the negatives in any situation. My plan is to change than round to seeing the positives, looking for the silver lining and enjoying the sunshine when it is there. I am going to be the first one to get up and dance, the one that people want to spend time with and the one who always has a smile.
1) Loose weight.
I say it every year but this year I want to loose enough weight (and inches) to get back into size 16 trousers. I am not going to weigh myself fanatically but I am going to watch what I eat, consider my calories and increase my exercise.
2) Enjoy spending more time with Andrew
I married him for a reason! He has a great sense of fun and me being a misery is not helping. I need to remember how to be spontaneous and how to enjoy things that aren't planned.
And finally,
3) Always look on the bright side
I am far too guilty of being the 'negative Norman' in the corner pointing out all the negatives in any situation. My plan is to change than round to seeing the positives, looking for the silver lining and enjoying the sunshine when it is there. I am going to be the first one to get up and dance, the one that people want to spend time with and the one who always has a smile.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Thought of the day
"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth"
from poem unknown
Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth"
from poem unknown
A proper family Christmas
Why is is that Christmas only feels 'proper' when it is spent at the house of your childhood?
This year was the first in many that I was able to do that. it didn't matter that I haven't lived there in what feels like forever and it does not matter that I am no longer a child and that the living room was not covered in toys in various stages of being played with but it still felt like a proper real Christmas. It started in a relaxed way and we decided that we would wait for Dad to finish work before there were any presents which meant a calm morning with bacon sandwiches and preparing Christmas dinner. This year Dad chose beef rib for a change and as he was working my sister and I were in charge of the kitchen.
I also should mentioned that 6 weeks ago mum broker her foot so was just out of plaster meaning her role was direction rather than action packed.
Presents were around 1pm and I decided I was pretty blessed - my husband and I had set a Small budget and he gave me a lovely body warmer, a key ring, a new torch and a scarf (which is also a bear). My sister found me a Mickey Mouse lunch bx and my parents granted my wish for a Kindle! There were also some other lovely gifts including 2 really thoughtful secret Santa's and stocking fillers that I love.
I did have one small loss of control - at the 6th mention of my cousin, her daughter and her unborn son I decided it was time to mention that I had didn't want to hear people slagging her off as it was just like being slapped in the face as she didn't struggle to get pregnant and how silly she was to get pregnant with no job, no money etc etc. A few tears and I pulled myself back together.
After that, dinner time:
Selection of pate with toast
Beef rib with roasted potatoes, parsnips, carrots and red onion, Yorkshire puddings and sprouts cooked with bacon and chestnuts along with an onion and red wine gravy
Christmas pudding with custard (mum's contribution as I can't make custard) or yule log.
I reckon we out did ourselves and can't imagine many ate better.
We did eat later than normal which left us an evening in front of the various Christmas specials on TV before crashing at no later than 9.30!
Overall a good day but I was glad to come home to my cats.
Next stop - New Year!
This year was the first in many that I was able to do that. it didn't matter that I haven't lived there in what feels like forever and it does not matter that I am no longer a child and that the living room was not covered in toys in various stages of being played with but it still felt like a proper real Christmas. It started in a relaxed way and we decided that we would wait for Dad to finish work before there were any presents which meant a calm morning with bacon sandwiches and preparing Christmas dinner. This year Dad chose beef rib for a change and as he was working my sister and I were in charge of the kitchen.
I also should mentioned that 6 weeks ago mum broker her foot so was just out of plaster meaning her role was direction rather than action packed.
Presents were around 1pm and I decided I was pretty blessed - my husband and I had set a Small budget and he gave me a lovely body warmer, a key ring, a new torch and a scarf (which is also a bear). My sister found me a Mickey Mouse lunch bx and my parents granted my wish for a Kindle! There were also some other lovely gifts including 2 really thoughtful secret Santa's and stocking fillers that I love.
I did have one small loss of control - at the 6th mention of my cousin, her daughter and her unborn son I decided it was time to mention that I had didn't want to hear people slagging her off as it was just like being slapped in the face as she didn't struggle to get pregnant and how silly she was to get pregnant with no job, no money etc etc. A few tears and I pulled myself back together.
After that, dinner time:
Selection of pate with toast
Beef rib with roasted potatoes, parsnips, carrots and red onion, Yorkshire puddings and sprouts cooked with bacon and chestnuts along with an onion and red wine gravy
Christmas pudding with custard (mum's contribution as I can't make custard) or yule log.
I reckon we out did ourselves and can't imagine many ate better.
We did eat later than normal which left us an evening in front of the various Christmas specials on TV before crashing at no later than 9.30!
Overall a good day but I was glad to come home to my cats.
Next stop - New Year!
Friday, December 9, 2011
I won something!
It doesn't happen very often but, a few weeks ago, I got a phone to say that I have been lucky - I had won a Venture Photography Session voucher which meant we could have an hour in the studio having photos taken and then either a 7 x 5 framed print or £95 towards something bigger.
Last week we had our studio session booked and we were asked to take a few changes of clothes in bright colours as well as any items personal to us that could be used as part of the pictures. We dutifully did that and from the list of suggested items we were sent we chose a couple of soft toys that have significance to us. The studio originally wanted us to do this shoot in our re-enactment costumes but I declined that as all the pictures we seemed to have are in these - it often feels like we have no lives away from re-enactment but I can assure people that we really do! The next suggestion was that we bring our pets - 2 cats! I have to confess I was horrified at the thought of boxing them up and transporting them on a hour long round trip for some photos. My next thought was me wondering where, if we took them, they would disgrace themselves and leave me with a puddle or pile to clear up.
We eventually decided that we would aim for a fun, casual picture of us. Just us. Us as human beings, as a couple and as people who have remembered how to have fun. In that spirit we arrive, we met and had everything explained to us. We spent the next hour being photographed and switching clothes as well as having a real laugh.
Like I said we did take some props - some of Andrew numerous toys! A monkey, the first stuffed cat he bought for me and a jiggly thing that goes bonkers laughing and jiggling at loud noises. I swear the photographer thought we were crazy but it made everyone laugh.
The next step was to go back 2 weeks later and see the fruits of our labour in the form of a viewing session. We were pleasantly surprised as the viewing was a massive slide show of the imagines taken which had been 'worked on' and we could then mess about with the cropping depending on what products we might want. We decided to be honest with the gentleman who did the viewing - we were happy to settle on just the free one as to buy more would have been incredibly expensive and it is money we don't have as this wasn't something we had planned to do. He was really good about that and there was no 'hard sell' which was fantastic.
The print we went for, which comes in a plain black frame, is a black and white one of us looking at each other in front of a light box - Andrew wearing his England rugby shirt and me in my gorgeous new corset. We are smiling, we look happy and we look like we belong together. I can't wait to finally collect it and get it home and displayed.
Last week we had our studio session booked and we were asked to take a few changes of clothes in bright colours as well as any items personal to us that could be used as part of the pictures. We dutifully did that and from the list of suggested items we were sent we chose a couple of soft toys that have significance to us. The studio originally wanted us to do this shoot in our re-enactment costumes but I declined that as all the pictures we seemed to have are in these - it often feels like we have no lives away from re-enactment but I can assure people that we really do! The next suggestion was that we bring our pets - 2 cats! I have to confess I was horrified at the thought of boxing them up and transporting them on a hour long round trip for some photos. My next thought was me wondering where, if we took them, they would disgrace themselves and leave me with a puddle or pile to clear up.
We eventually decided that we would aim for a fun, casual picture of us. Just us. Us as human beings, as a couple and as people who have remembered how to have fun. In that spirit we arrive, we met and had everything explained to us. We spent the next hour being photographed and switching clothes as well as having a real laugh.
Like I said we did take some props - some of Andrew numerous toys! A monkey, the first stuffed cat he bought for me and a jiggly thing that goes bonkers laughing and jiggling at loud noises. I swear the photographer thought we were crazy but it made everyone laugh.
The next step was to go back 2 weeks later and see the fruits of our labour in the form of a viewing session. We were pleasantly surprised as the viewing was a massive slide show of the imagines taken which had been 'worked on' and we could then mess about with the cropping depending on what products we might want. We decided to be honest with the gentleman who did the viewing - we were happy to settle on just the free one as to buy more would have been incredibly expensive and it is money we don't have as this wasn't something we had planned to do. He was really good about that and there was no 'hard sell' which was fantastic.
The print we went for, which comes in a plain black frame, is a black and white one of us looking at each other in front of a light box - Andrew wearing his England rugby shirt and me in my gorgeous new corset. We are smiling, we look happy and we look like we belong together. I can't wait to finally collect it and get it home and displayed.
Early Christmas
This weekend was out 'early' Christmas - a date set for us to spend with Andrew's family to have dinner and exchange presents leaving us all free to visit other family on Christmas Day. If I am honest with myself I was really not looking forward to it. Our recent battles with inferilty seem have done this to me - usually I would be the first to be there, making a effort and enjoying spending time with family but since we have been forced to watch those around us have their families whilst we are still waiting is hard and never seems to get any easier. I was also not sure how I would feel about spending quality time with our 16 year old pregnant niece.
I guess I was lucky that my sister wanted to visit and my mother in law was hay for her to be included in the festivities so I had her there for my support. We spent the day shopping, talking and relaxing. It was nice to have a day with shopping bags although the crowds doing their Christmas shopping always stress me out a bit.
So, the plan the evening was arrive, dinner and then presents. Dinner was lovely, prawn cocktail, the traditional turkey with all the trimmings and then (my contribution) mars bar cheesecake or fruit salad for dessert. I always like to take some thing with me, going empty handed feels rude. Afterwards the tradition of handing the presents out commenced and I was really grateful that everyone had included Hayley with a few little tokens to recognise that she was sharing the day with us. My materialistic side wants to list the things I was gifted - all of which showed thought - a lovely pair of earnings, vouchers for my favorite clothes shop, vouchers for me to have my nails done, cookery books (brownies and chocolate) and a beautiful pen but my heart and soul will be forever grateful that there were no 'bad taste' gifts this year. Not once did I want to hide from the world and it was a joy to see our nephew playing with his toys and getting excited about the whole affair.
I also was pleased that being around my niece was not too stressful. Everyone seems to try and shield me from her but I have to get used to it. I am not angry with her, I think she has been very silly but I do wish her all the very best with her pregnancy, birth and I want her to be a wonderful mum but this doesn't take away the sadness and jealousy I feel when I look at her and wish it was me. My brain tells me that it will never be me and I have come to terms with that but I wish it would remind my heart that there is no point wishing for something that will never be.
I have started to follow a blog that a friend has started: http://clarice-swimouttomeetit.blogspot.com/2011/12/couple-of-days-ago-i-mentioned-that-my.html?spref=fb
and her challenge yesterday was to be kind to yourself and do one thing to make yourself smile. Today I plan to do just that. I plan to remind myself that I have battled things that no one should have to, that I have survived (with my marriage intact) where many have fallen and that I am still fighting for a better future.
I guess I was lucky that my sister wanted to visit and my mother in law was hay for her to be included in the festivities so I had her there for my support. We spent the day shopping, talking and relaxing. It was nice to have a day with shopping bags although the crowds doing their Christmas shopping always stress me out a bit.
So, the plan the evening was arrive, dinner and then presents. Dinner was lovely, prawn cocktail, the traditional turkey with all the trimmings and then (my contribution) mars bar cheesecake or fruit salad for dessert. I always like to take some thing with me, going empty handed feels rude. Afterwards the tradition of handing the presents out commenced and I was really grateful that everyone had included Hayley with a few little tokens to recognise that she was sharing the day with us. My materialistic side wants to list the things I was gifted - all of which showed thought - a lovely pair of earnings, vouchers for my favorite clothes shop, vouchers for me to have my nails done, cookery books (brownies and chocolate) and a beautiful pen but my heart and soul will be forever grateful that there were no 'bad taste' gifts this year. Not once did I want to hide from the world and it was a joy to see our nephew playing with his toys and getting excited about the whole affair.
I also was pleased that being around my niece was not too stressful. Everyone seems to try and shield me from her but I have to get used to it. I am not angry with her, I think she has been very silly but I do wish her all the very best with her pregnancy, birth and I want her to be a wonderful mum but this doesn't take away the sadness and jealousy I feel when I look at her and wish it was me. My brain tells me that it will never be me and I have come to terms with that but I wish it would remind my heart that there is no point wishing for something that will never be.
I have started to follow a blog that a friend has started: http://clarice-swimouttomeetit.blogspot.com/2011/12/couple-of-days-ago-i-mentioned-that-my.html?spref=fb
and her challenge yesterday was to be kind to yourself and do one thing to make yourself smile. Today I plan to do just that. I plan to remind myself that I have battled things that no one should have to, that I have survived (with my marriage intact) where many have fallen and that I am still fighting for a better future.
A different Christmas
This week I have been reflected on last Christmas and the differences between how I was feeling a year ago and today.
Last Christmas I was the epitome of miserable bah humbug-ness. I was not 3 months post miscarriage and the last thing I wanted to do was celebrate or be happy. I refused to decorate, gifts were minimal and all cards, wrapping and necessities were done with no joy and as quickly as I could have got away with. It just felt wrong to be happy when all my hopes and dreams have been destroyed. I could barely stand to be around anyone and having to watch my nephews first Christmas and all the excitement that went with was soul destroying. We were also unlucky enough that one of the 'joke' gifts we received was children's book which floored me when I unwrapped it. At the time to prevent an emotion outpouring of my grief all I could do was shove it under the sofa where it stayed until seconds before we left and Andrew 'rescued' it.
This Christmas I promised myself it would be different. I don't want to dwell on the fact that we should be celebrating our first as a family, our baby should have been 6 months old, I want to be able to look forwards, to the future and the process we are starting in the new year that might hopefully mean that next Christmas will be different. As such the tree it up - Bruce the Spruce moved in last weekend and it comfortable in his corner after we rescued him from the reject section of the garden centre. I have written all my cards and posted them. I have also tried to put some thought and effort into gifts and spent time making boxes, wrapping and adding ribbon to them in the hope that all will be appreciated.
Does this mean I will not spare a thought to the baby that should have be with me this year, of course not. I will take a moment on Christmas Day to light a candle, have a tear and remember but it will not take over the day. I am lucky in that, due to work schedules, we are able to spend Christmas Eve evening and Christmas Day with my parents at the home I grew up in, something I have not done since 2003 and this means that I will be surrounded by the people I love the most, the people that care the most and the people that have offered me all the support I could have asked for.
Last Christmas I was the epitome of miserable bah humbug-ness. I was not 3 months post miscarriage and the last thing I wanted to do was celebrate or be happy. I refused to decorate, gifts were minimal and all cards, wrapping and necessities were done with no joy and as quickly as I could have got away with. It just felt wrong to be happy when all my hopes and dreams have been destroyed. I could barely stand to be around anyone and having to watch my nephews first Christmas and all the excitement that went with was soul destroying. We were also unlucky enough that one of the 'joke' gifts we received was children's book which floored me when I unwrapped it. At the time to prevent an emotion outpouring of my grief all I could do was shove it under the sofa where it stayed until seconds before we left and Andrew 'rescued' it.
This Christmas I promised myself it would be different. I don't want to dwell on the fact that we should be celebrating our first as a family, our baby should have been 6 months old, I want to be able to look forwards, to the future and the process we are starting in the new year that might hopefully mean that next Christmas will be different. As such the tree it up - Bruce the Spruce moved in last weekend and it comfortable in his corner after we rescued him from the reject section of the garden centre. I have written all my cards and posted them. I have also tried to put some thought and effort into gifts and spent time making boxes, wrapping and adding ribbon to them in the hope that all will be appreciated.
Does this mean I will not spare a thought to the baby that should have be with me this year, of course not. I will take a moment on Christmas Day to light a candle, have a tear and remember but it will not take over the day. I am lucky in that, due to work schedules, we are able to spend Christmas Eve evening and Christmas Day with my parents at the home I grew up in, something I have not done since 2003 and this means that I will be surrounded by the people I love the most, the people that care the most and the people that have offered me all the support I could have asked for.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Lets Start Again
After the excitement of last week I have finally calmed down and really taken note of all the advice offered to me. It is moments like this where I am reminded of the people around me, both in the real world and online, who are incredibly supportive and knowledgeable.
Which leads to my knew plan. An increase in my calories allowance to 1500-1600 a day as the most common thing that is being said to me is that I am being too harsh on myself. Whilst I don't agree with the nurse that I can still loose weight with an intake of 2100 calories a day I am hoping that the extra with my new limit will be more realistic for me. I am also planning a change to my exercise habits - instead of 20 mins 5 times a week I am going to do a minimum of 30 mins but only 4 times a week. It might mean that some mornings I get up a little bit earlier to make the time for it but I am hoping it will be a little extra 'kick' for me.
I have also realised that, whilst the scales are not kind, my clothes are. My trousers are getting too big - my clothes are fitting better and, according to my friends, I am looking better which has be to be a good start. I have to confess that I have enjoyed my 'days off' but not as much as I expected. I was still watching what I was eating and how much of it, I was still making choices to try and not go too crazy. I do have to confess that although the take away and the alcohol was a lovely treat but those few Quality Street that I allowed myself to have were absolutely divine.
Which leads to my knew plan. An increase in my calories allowance to 1500-1600 a day as the most common thing that is being said to me is that I am being too harsh on myself. Whilst I don't agree with the nurse that I can still loose weight with an intake of 2100 calories a day I am hoping that the extra with my new limit will be more realistic for me. I am also planning a change to my exercise habits - instead of 20 mins 5 times a week I am going to do a minimum of 30 mins but only 4 times a week. It might mean that some mornings I get up a little bit earlier to make the time for it but I am hoping it will be a little extra 'kick' for me.
I have also realised that, whilst the scales are not kind, my clothes are. My trousers are getting too big - my clothes are fitting better and, according to my friends, I am looking better which has be to be a good start. I have to confess that I have enjoyed my 'days off' but not as much as I expected. I was still watching what I was eating and how much of it, I was still making choices to try and not go too crazy. I do have to confess that although the take away and the alcohol was a lovely treat but those few Quality Street that I allowed myself to have were absolutely divine.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
What am I doing wrong?
Last night was my weigh in at the doctors.
What a nightmare. When I went 6 weeks ago I was really disappointed that in my first 3 weeks I had managed to loss only 2lb but last night I was crushed to be told that in 6 weeks I had managed a loss of only 4lb. That is 6lb in 9 weeks and I am devastated with myself. All I can ask if how on earth, with all the effort I have put in, is that all I can manage.
I figured, calories counting to around 1200 - 1300 a day, weighing all my food portions plus more regular exercise (Monday to Friday I was doing 20 mins Zumba every morning plus walking and using my Wii fit at the weekend) as well as cutting down so a lot less alcohol, very few 'treats' and always trying to find a balance and still I feel like I have failed. My husband tried desperately to tell me that it was working because I can fit back into a size 18 trouser but that really doesn't matter when the medical will be looking at my BMI and 6lb doesn't even make a dent in it.
I have no motivation to carry on, it feels like I am punishing myself using food for absolutely nothing. I even asked the nurse for help - her answer was try slimming world! It has been a while since I have tried that hard to escape a medical appointment. A good cry later and the only answer I can come up with is to try something along the lines of Slim Fast or Lighter Life but the though doesn't appeal. These plans are expensive and high in lactose which doesn't sound pleasant for some one with a lactose intolerance but I can't help wondering if a few weeks of feeling not too good might be worth it if I can get a chunk of weight off me in time for the medical.
What a nightmare. When I went 6 weeks ago I was really disappointed that in my first 3 weeks I had managed to loss only 2lb but last night I was crushed to be told that in 6 weeks I had managed a loss of only 4lb. That is 6lb in 9 weeks and I am devastated with myself. All I can ask if how on earth, with all the effort I have put in, is that all I can manage.
I figured, calories counting to around 1200 - 1300 a day, weighing all my food portions plus more regular exercise (Monday to Friday I was doing 20 mins Zumba every morning plus walking and using my Wii fit at the weekend) as well as cutting down so a lot less alcohol, very few 'treats' and always trying to find a balance and still I feel like I have failed. My husband tried desperately to tell me that it was working because I can fit back into a size 18 trouser but that really doesn't matter when the medical will be looking at my BMI and 6lb doesn't even make a dent in it.
I have no motivation to carry on, it feels like I am punishing myself using food for absolutely nothing. I even asked the nurse for help - her answer was try slimming world! It has been a while since I have tried that hard to escape a medical appointment. A good cry later and the only answer I can come up with is to try something along the lines of Slim Fast or Lighter Life but the though doesn't appeal. These plans are expensive and high in lactose which doesn't sound pleasant for some one with a lactose intolerance but I can't help wondering if a few weeks of feeling not too good might be worth it if I can get a chunk of weight off me in time for the medical.
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