Yesterday was a crazy day.
And today has been even more so.
But I have had time to reflect and that is always a good thing. We knew that our application to adopt would go to court yesterday. We weren't to attend as that was the chance that their birth family had to contest plus social services have not approved a meeting between us and the children's birth mum despite her requesting one and us agreeing to it. It was torture waiting for our social worker to call but we were busy - more on that in a separate post. It was lunch time before the phone went and my heart almost stopped for a second.
It turns out that their birth mum didn't even turn up at court despite saying that she would even though she had decided not to contest the adoption. On one hand I am pleased as it makes things a lot simpler but on the other hand I wanted her to care. I wanted her to care enough to make the effort to fight for them even though it was a lot cause - why? Because it is what I would have done and because they are worth it.
My emotions were something else, it doesn't feel real that we no longer have to answer to social services and our lives will not included scheduled medicals and check ups above and beyond those of normal children. Our children also legally share our surname. We have to wait for the paperwork to change things like bank accounts and other official documents but it doesn't matter at the moment. We also no longer need permission to take the children places, we can get on with life and be a normal family. Almost.
We still have to be careful. Trips to their city of birth are still not a good idea and photos on Facebook are still not advisable, at least until they are unrecognisable.
But it doesn't matter. We are still happy. We have a family - each other as well as 2 amazing children whom we love more than anything and life is so much richer for having them as a part of it.
Today was one of my keeping in touch days at work so I have been out of the house and the children have had a rare 'Daddy day'. I do miss work but today has reminded me how much but also how much I miss seeing the children - it was too tempting to be texting my husband all day to find out whether all was well, what they were doing and if they were having a good day. Walking back in to their smiling faces reminded me again of why we have done what we have done and that it was all worth while.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
Legal Tidings
Today was our day in court. Not our day to appear in court but the day our adoption application was presented to a judge for ruling.
The short answer - the adoption order was granted. The children are legally ours.
I can't wait to have our day in court, the day we can take the children and have a special ceremony to show them that they are legally our children for today and for all the days of the future.
But for the moment, time to reflect.
The short answer - the adoption order was granted. The children are legally ours.
I can't wait to have our day in court, the day we can take the children and have a special ceremony to show them that they are legally our children for today and for all the days of the future.
But for the moment, time to reflect.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Out of the mouths of babes
Some time the children say the strangest of things and some times they say the funniest of things.
Lets go, lets go. Rock and Roll.
Both children now declare this when anyone says anything resembling lets go. Very useful as it usually comes before activity.
Inbound
Youngest small yells this when she is sent upstairs or downstairs to tell anyone and every one that she in on her way.
Mummy on potty
Youngest small is loving parking herself on the toilet, she sometimes achieves and we are hoping it is a good sign but she has a fixation with me sitting on the potty. Despite the fact that I doubt my left bum check would fit on it.
Mummy trumped
We come across a bad smell and that seems to be the cause. Either that or someone has poo'ed. I have no idea what the fascination is but it does make me chuckle.
There are loads more and I need to start writing them down, maybe for an amusing second instalment.
But, when they came to us, oldest small came with a referral for speech and language therapy for which his initial appointment was today. We were told his appointment was due to his speech being poor prior to him being fitting with a hearing aid, oldest is profoundly deaf in one ear due to have meningitis. We had also been told that one of his problems was his speech being poor for his age.
What a difference 6 months has made as the improvement is beyond anything expected.
Today could not have gone any better. He managed to concentrate through the activities and the therapist was really impressed with his speech, the way he comprehends and can follow instructions as well as his use of descriptive language. She literally assessed him and discharged him as excellent for his age.
It all goes to show that deafness does not always have to be detrimental to speech and using the appropriate hearing aid has, for us, meant that he is not left behind his peers nor does he have to struggle to communicate with the world around him.
Lets go, lets go. Rock and Roll.
Both children now declare this when anyone says anything resembling lets go. Very useful as it usually comes before activity.
Inbound
Youngest small yells this when she is sent upstairs or downstairs to tell anyone and every one that she in on her way.
Mummy on potty
Youngest small is loving parking herself on the toilet, she sometimes achieves and we are hoping it is a good sign but she has a fixation with me sitting on the potty. Despite the fact that I doubt my left bum check would fit on it.
Mummy trumped
We come across a bad smell and that seems to be the cause. Either that or someone has poo'ed. I have no idea what the fascination is but it does make me chuckle.
There are loads more and I need to start writing them down, maybe for an amusing second instalment.
But, when they came to us, oldest small came with a referral for speech and language therapy for which his initial appointment was today. We were told his appointment was due to his speech being poor prior to him being fitting with a hearing aid, oldest is profoundly deaf in one ear due to have meningitis. We had also been told that one of his problems was his speech being poor for his age.
What a difference 6 months has made as the improvement is beyond anything expected.
Today could not have gone any better. He managed to concentrate through the activities and the therapist was really impressed with his speech, the way he comprehends and can follow instructions as well as his use of descriptive language. She literally assessed him and discharged him as excellent for his age.
It all goes to show that deafness does not always have to be detrimental to speech and using the appropriate hearing aid has, for us, meant that he is not left behind his peers nor does he have to struggle to communicate with the world around him.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Not cost effective.
This new story has really bothered me today:
BBC News - UK rejects meningitis B vaccine
I don't normally blog about items in the news unless they affect me and although I hope that it doesn't I am living with the after effects of my child suffering from meningitis.
Oldest small contracted this and, as a result, is profoundly deaf in one ear for which he wears a hearing aid. It is not a problem. We put it in when he gets dressed and it comes out at bath time. He is a pro at wearing it and even helps taking it out and putting it in. Plus it helps, more about this hopefully tomorrow after we have seen the speech and language therapist but we have seen a huge improvement in the 6 months that he has lived with us.
Anyway, back on track. Why has this vaccine been reject? Because it is not cost effective. I know there are complicated mathematics behind this but I am asking myself what is the price of a life? Of limbs? Of hearing? Of any of the life long consequences of contracting this disease.
I accept the need for trails but this vaccine has been licensed. Surely that means something?
I really hope that this is discussed further, I really hope that this decision changes. If something can be done to save lives and the quality of life then surely it is worth it.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
A Bittersweet Symphony
After the events of the last few days I am left with bitter sweet feelings.
Does the fact that I did not give birth to my children make me any less of a parent? Any less of a mother?
I have been set off on my rant by the media storm and my interpretation of the comment made by Catherine as she and Prince William left the hospital for the first time with their baby son in their arms. Whilst I wish them every happiness it does hammer home to me that not everyone has their happy pregnancy, a labour, a birth. Some parents have to fight through mountains of paperwork, social workers and children with difficult and often distressing pasts, usually after nightmares like infertility.
It has been hard over the last 48 hours and maybe that is the infertile, barren old hag that I some time turn into, less frequently that I used to but she is still there, buried inside me waiting for opportunities to rear her ugly head and turn me into some one that I am not sure that I like. Every time I have turned on the TV I have been bombarded with news concerning the royal couple, my only escape seemed to be the children's channels. It has been hard to escape the reminder that it was never my path to have my children the 'normal' way. I guess it hasn't helped that I have seen some challenging behaviour over the past few days so my patience is already in short supply.
The bright spark then puts 2 and 2 together, makes 4 and says that maybe it has been my mood that has caused some of the behaviours and been the cause of my own problems. Highly likely.
The other bright spark would say that I am overly sensitive to this issue and I have misinterpreted a tired and overly emotional young women who has just had a baby. Maybe but I have never been there. I am neither daft, stupid nor overly naïve so I accept that some times people are unintentionally offended when none was meant and, like I already said, I am happy that they have been lucky and they have a healthy baby. My bitterness is my own. For me. It is the same when friends and family are lucky enough to go through the same, the difference is those I can usually hide from whilst still living my life and keeping up to date with the happens in the world around me.
Tomorrow is another day.
A day I need to be grateful that I have been strong enough to fight for the children that have been given into my care and that they are amazing children whom I love dearly and with less than a week before our adoption application goes before the judge I am going forget everything but them and I am not going to turn the TV on.
Does the fact that I did not give birth to my children make me any less of a parent? Any less of a mother?
I have been set off on my rant by the media storm and my interpretation of the comment made by Catherine as she and Prince William left the hospital for the first time with their baby son in their arms. Whilst I wish them every happiness it does hammer home to me that not everyone has their happy pregnancy, a labour, a birth. Some parents have to fight through mountains of paperwork, social workers and children with difficult and often distressing pasts, usually after nightmares like infertility.
It has been hard over the last 48 hours and maybe that is the infertile, barren old hag that I some time turn into, less frequently that I used to but she is still there, buried inside me waiting for opportunities to rear her ugly head and turn me into some one that I am not sure that I like. Every time I have turned on the TV I have been bombarded with news concerning the royal couple, my only escape seemed to be the children's channels. It has been hard to escape the reminder that it was never my path to have my children the 'normal' way. I guess it hasn't helped that I have seen some challenging behaviour over the past few days so my patience is already in short supply.
The bright spark then puts 2 and 2 together, makes 4 and says that maybe it has been my mood that has caused some of the behaviours and been the cause of my own problems. Highly likely.
The other bright spark would say that I am overly sensitive to this issue and I have misinterpreted a tired and overly emotional young women who has just had a baby. Maybe but I have never been there. I am neither daft, stupid nor overly naïve so I accept that some times people are unintentionally offended when none was meant and, like I already said, I am happy that they have been lucky and they have a healthy baby. My bitterness is my own. For me. It is the same when friends and family are lucky enough to go through the same, the difference is those I can usually hide from whilst still living my life and keeping up to date with the happens in the world around me.
Tomorrow is another day.
A day I need to be grateful that I have been strong enough to fight for the children that have been given into my care and that they are amazing children whom I love dearly and with less than a week before our adoption application goes before the judge I am going forget everything but them and I am not going to turn the TV on.
Monday, July 22, 2013
The Summer Holidays
This week the pre school breaks up. The summer holidays start and that means the children do not have pre school until September. 6 weeks where I need to make sure that we do not go insane and that we have plenty to do.
My list of things to do goes as follows:
* Swimming. We already go once a week, I can increase that to twice if I need to
* I have booked 4 mornings of child care at the pre school for them to give them (as well as me) a break and some contact with other friends
* Library - once again we already go once a week but I can keep that going
* The beach. Maybe not every week but we are lucky that we have a chose of a couple of different beaches within an hours drive so we have that as a day trip option and if we take a picnic it will be at no extra cost.
* Local woods and nature reserves. We are again lucky to have a couple of options within an hours drive.
* Zoo, only a once but still great for a day out
* Visits and Visitors, we can do both as it feels like different people and locations means that even when the activities are the same they are still shiny and new and as much fun as ever. I am also hoping to arrange some play dates for the children with their friends from pre school.
If all else fails we still have a massive amount we can do at home. The garden is open providing the weather remains kind. I also have paints, play dough, card making and other crafty activities lined up with out even starting on 'normal' toys. I am also lucky that the children like to help so whilst housework might take longer they will help sort the washing, dust and polish, clean their toys and the bath plus they have toy hoovers while I use the big one.
Come back in 6 weeks to see if I succeed.
My list of things to do goes as follows:
* Swimming. We already go once a week, I can increase that to twice if I need to
* I have booked 4 mornings of child care at the pre school for them to give them (as well as me) a break and some contact with other friends
* Library - once again we already go once a week but I can keep that going
* The beach. Maybe not every week but we are lucky that we have a chose of a couple of different beaches within an hours drive so we have that as a day trip option and if we take a picnic it will be at no extra cost.
* Local woods and nature reserves. We are again lucky to have a couple of options within an hours drive.
* Zoo, only a once but still great for a day out
* Visits and Visitors, we can do both as it feels like different people and locations means that even when the activities are the same they are still shiny and new and as much fun as ever. I am also hoping to arrange some play dates for the children with their friends from pre school.
If all else fails we still have a massive amount we can do at home. The garden is open providing the weather remains kind. I also have paints, play dough, card making and other crafty activities lined up with out even starting on 'normal' toys. I am also lucky that the children like to help so whilst housework might take longer they will help sort the washing, dust and polish, clean their toys and the bath plus they have toy hoovers while I use the big one.
Come back in 6 weeks to see if I succeed.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Going home
We have had a fabulous weekend, my Mum has been visiting and it was a surprise when the children got up on Saturday morning and she was there to greet them. We has decided, as the weather had been glorious, that we would go to the sea-side. Sadly, the weather did not remain glorious but it didn't spoil our fun.
We bought buckets and spades, we paddled in the sea, had a picnic and ate ice cream. And we ignored the weather and wore (well, bought and wore) jumpers over our sundresses. Oldest small even fell into the sea but luckily a towel and dry clothes sorted that one out. Once again when it was time to come home oldest small got upset as he wanted to stay but a train ride back to the car and he slept most of the way home.
Sunday dawned another over cast day but we carried on as planned - swimming and then Sleaford Carnival. Another fabulous day with balloons, bouncy castles, stickers and lots of laughing but it did end with 2 very tired smalls which made the last events of the day harder to cope with.
Mainly, Grandma going home. Oldest small really hates it when people leave. Hates it to a screaming, crying, miserable mess. We think that he fears that the person will not come back, that he will never see them again which is really sad and despite constant reassurance he still does it every time some one leaves. I am not sure how else to reassure him except to carry on - the repetition being the reassurance over time.
Sadly, the pattern is not just people leaving when they have visited us but also when we visit other places and I wonder if this is to do with him not returning to places that were important to him when he lived with his previous foster carers. We do know some places that he used to enjoying visiting and some will be options for visits in the future but we don't know them all and some we can't visit due to restraints such as geography.
Our plan is repetition again. Visit, come home and promise repeat visits which we have to follow up on. We have to. For no other reason than to settle his anxiety but also because we have a wonderful time.
Sunday dawned another over cast day but we carried on as planned - swimming and then Sleaford Carnival. Another fabulous day with balloons, bouncy castles, stickers and lots of laughing but it did end with 2 very tired smalls which made the last events of the day harder to cope with.
Mainly, Grandma going home. Oldest small really hates it when people leave. Hates it to a screaming, crying, miserable mess. We think that he fears that the person will not come back, that he will never see them again which is really sad and despite constant reassurance he still does it every time some one leaves. I am not sure how else to reassure him except to carry on - the repetition being the reassurance over time.
Sadly, the pattern is not just people leaving when they have visited us but also when we visit other places and I wonder if this is to do with him not returning to places that were important to him when he lived with his previous foster carers. We do know some places that he used to enjoying visiting and some will be options for visits in the future but we don't know them all and some we can't visit due to restraints such as geography.
Our plan is repetition again. Visit, come home and promise repeat visits which we have to follow up on. We have to. For no other reason than to settle his anxiety but also because we have a wonderful time.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Messy Meals
My experiences over the last few months has armed me with the knowledge of the messiest meals, here are a few of mine in the hope that it can raise a smile and to remind myself to smile when I have to clear up the mess left behind.
1) Rice
doesn't seem to matter what sort of rice, whether it has sauce or not it always ends up coating the floor, the table and the children.
2) Spaghetti
that is the long stuff! I used to chop it up but it made no difference so I leave it long and let it whip about as they eat it - a tomato based sauce has to be used for maximum effect.
3) Strawberries and cream
the messiest bit of this item is actually the cream. The children moved in with the knowledge that they can drink the milk from the bowl once they have finished their breakfast cereal so the cream was just the next step up however it is a lot thicker and equates to a lot more mess.
4) Ribs
my absolute favourite messy meal. When they are covered in a sticky sauce and eating with the hands - not fingers, the whole of both hands, they end up everywhere but never fails to make me laugh
5) Corn on the cob
the children love this and it another 'eat with both hands' experience - a good reason not to add extra butter!
So, what are your messy meals?
1) Rice
doesn't seem to matter what sort of rice, whether it has sauce or not it always ends up coating the floor, the table and the children.
2) Spaghetti
that is the long stuff! I used to chop it up but it made no difference so I leave it long and let it whip about as they eat it - a tomato based sauce has to be used for maximum effect.
3) Strawberries and cream
the messiest bit of this item is actually the cream. The children moved in with the knowledge that they can drink the milk from the bowl once they have finished their breakfast cereal so the cream was just the next step up however it is a lot thicker and equates to a lot more mess.
4) Ribs
my absolute favourite messy meal. When they are covered in a sticky sauce and eating with the hands - not fingers, the whole of both hands, they end up everywhere but never fails to make me laugh
5) Corn on the cob
the children love this and it another 'eat with both hands' experience - a good reason not to add extra butter!
So, what are your messy meals?
Life Story Books
Children placed for adoption are often accompanied by a Life Story Book, a book which covers their lives prior to their forever family. It is their own personal history and is supposed to be there for the children in their future so they can understand who they are, where they came from and all the people who played a key part in their early lives.
Ours were delivered by our social worker today and I am gutted. They are awful. The photos are small and fuzzy and there is information incorrect as well as missing such as we have no birth weight for oldest small and the hospital recorded as his place of birth is wrong. There are people who are important in their lives missing such as my parents and sister but the main issue for me is the photograph of their birth mum.
Regardless of my feelings this is the lady who gave birth to my children after being pregnant with them and as such I feel that the children should have more than a single fuzzy, dark, small (less than 2 inches square) photograph of her that she has taken of herself using a mobile phone camera and a mirror. I know it might be years before the children see these books and there is always a chance that they will never be interested but if they are I want them to be of the highest quality. I want them to be able to see the people shown in the photographs and see them in a good way. I also want the information to be available to them and I want the facts to be right.
I feel terrible as some one has put them together and it must have taken some time but I have every intention of sending them back with a request that either they are put right or that I am given what I need to put them right for my children so they can, if they choose, see their pasts and the people from their pasts and have faith that the information contained is correct.
Ours were delivered by our social worker today and I am gutted. They are awful. The photos are small and fuzzy and there is information incorrect as well as missing such as we have no birth weight for oldest small and the hospital recorded as his place of birth is wrong. There are people who are important in their lives missing such as my parents and sister but the main issue for me is the photograph of their birth mum.
Regardless of my feelings this is the lady who gave birth to my children after being pregnant with them and as such I feel that the children should have more than a single fuzzy, dark, small (less than 2 inches square) photograph of her that she has taken of herself using a mobile phone camera and a mirror. I know it might be years before the children see these books and there is always a chance that they will never be interested but if they are I want them to be of the highest quality. I want them to be able to see the people shown in the photographs and see them in a good way. I also want the information to be available to them and I want the facts to be right.
I feel terrible as some one has put them together and it must have taken some time but I have every intention of sending them back with a request that either they are put right or that I am given what I need to put them right for my children so they can, if they choose, see their pasts and the people from their pasts and have faith that the information contained is correct.
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